Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 89

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

BBQ Procedures!!!

Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn. We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of event are put into motion:


  1. The woman buys the food.

  2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

  3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

  4. The woman remains outside the compulsory nine feet exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.


  6. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

  7. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat


  9. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

  10. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all:

  11. Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

  12. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off", and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.


This one is compliments of chuck.

George Carlin Quotes:

  1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

  2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

  5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

  7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

  8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

  9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

  10. Is there another word for synonym?

  11. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

  12. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

  13. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

  14. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

  15. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

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