Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 88

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to Lance

Corporals.

Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in."

"But we're only privates," protests Paddy.

"We're Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we're privates," says Paddy.

"You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We're Lance

Corporals now!"

So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lassies comes up to Mick.

"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."

Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what Gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.

Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea. Mick says to Paddy, "Why the hell did you give me the thumbs up?"

"Well Mick, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates & we're Lance Corporals now!"


These are compliments of Jim

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

CAR

TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor... "Show me."

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