Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
This one is compliments of Maurice...
At a bar on the 57th floor of a tall skyscraper a man is sitting at the bar drinking shots. Judging by the row of empty glasses he's been there for quite a while. Another man comes in the bar, takes a seat next to the first, and as soon as he sits down the first man asks the bartender for two shots.
The bartender pours two shots and sets them in front of the two men. Both men drink their shots, after which the first man stands up, walks to the window, opens it abd dives out. The second man is completely shocked, but continues drinking as there is nothing he can do for the poor fellow that plummeted towards the street far below.
A few minutes later the first man comes walking back into the bar, sits down, and asks for another round of shots.
The second man asks the first how he survived the
57 story drop, to which the first man replies that the shots allow him to fly. At that the man slams his shot, walks to the window and dives out again.
The second man is so impressed that he too slams his shot, runs to the window and dives out.
After a few minutes the first man returns to the bar and sits down. The second man does not reappear.
When the man asks for yet another shot from the bartender, the bartender replies, "Sure Superman, but you should know that you sure are an asshole when you're drunk."
The following are compliments of larry
Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
"Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I'll not tell her name."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Five good leads," says Tommy.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.