Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 58

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

This group it compliments of Larry

You know you're from Colorado when:

You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista. (Buna, as in tuna.)

You think there are only 3 seasons: elk, Broncolanche, and skiing.

April showers bring May blizzards.

You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's someone you know.

Timberline is someplace you have actually been, many times.

You know who Alfred Packer was.

SPF 90 is not out of the question.

People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

Having a Senator named 'Nighthorse' doesn't seem strange.

A full moon has never kept you awake.

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.

You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.

You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.

You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.

The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You get depressed after one day of cloudy weather.

You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right; and east and west are where all those morons keep moving in from.

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt, and Birkenstocks.

Your bridal registry is at REI (you know, the Superstore off Speer!).

You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.

You have stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

Cowboy boots are proper footwear with a Tuxedo.

And finally:

Knowing that Texas and California are downstream gives you a certain feeling of satisfaction when you flush.


Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers -Take Three

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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