Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 41

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt


1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It!

2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there...

4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

5 - Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think men care.

6 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

Made her chain too long

7 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

8 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

9 - Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

10 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.

11 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

12 - Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.

This one is compliments of jerry;

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota.

He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota.(That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm, and looks at the cow.

He reaches under to see if she gives milk.

When he grabs the tit and pulls ... the cow farts.

Ole is surprised.

He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.

He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again.

Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home.

He gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor Sven, and says, "Sven, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole, "You bought dis here cow in

Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.

Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But, how'd yah know dat?"

Sven says, "My wife's from Nordakota."

Interesting fact: The condom was invented by Arabic Muslims in the late 1200s by using the lower intestine of a goat, but was improved upon 600 years later by the British, by removing it from the goat!

Priest's retirement speech

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. The democrat mayor and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, the mayor was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited: Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor!

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