Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Compliments of r. d.
A couple purchased a talking parrot on their honeymoon--much to the groom's annoyance, since the bird kept a running commentary on their lovemaking.
The groom finally threw a towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if it didn't shut up.
The next morning, packing to return home, the newlyweds couldn't close the large suitcase.
"Honey," the groom said, "you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, the bride said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success.
Then the man said, "Let's both get on top and try."
At that point the parrot yanked away the towel and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I gotta see!"
The following group are compliments of bob
A lawyer who got on an airplane and found himself, to his delight, seated next to an incredibly beautiful blonde who was turning away to go to sleep.
He didn't want her to do that, so he said, "Let's play a game. I'll ask you a question, and if you can answer it, I'll pay you $5, and if you can't, you pay me $5. And then you ask me a question, and the same."
She said no and turned away to go to sleep.
He said, "OK, wait. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you pay me $5, and you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll pay you $500."
She sat up very alert. So he said, "I'll go first."
His first question was, what is the capital of Alabama? The blonde reached in her purse, gave him $5. He said, "OK, it's your turn."
She said, "What goes up the hill on three legs and down the hill on four?"
He said, "Uh?" He got out his laptop. He Googled it. He did everything that he could, and he finally had to realize that he couldn't answer it. He gave her $500. She put it in her pocket.
He said, "What's the answer?"
She gave him $5.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.
Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.
All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger,
Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling.
When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'.
And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'
A virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Rico was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. "No!"
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No!"