Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO
Alabama : Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California : By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado : If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut : Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It yet
Delaware : We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida : ASK US ABOUT OUR GRANDKIDS!
Georgia : We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii : Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho : More Than Just Potatoes ... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois : Don't Pronounce the "S", or else.
Indiana : 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa : We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas : First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky : Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland : If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts : Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan : First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota : 10,000 Lakes ... And almost 10 Trillion Mosquitoes
Mississippi : Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri : Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana : Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else
Nebraska : Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada : Hookers and Poker! Well, it's a family state now, but we still have poker.
New Hampshire : Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey : You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico : Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York : You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina : Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota : We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma : Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon : Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania : Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina : Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota : Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee : The Educashun State
Texas : Sí, Hablo Ingles
Utah : Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont : Yep
Virginia : Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington : We have more rain than you do than any other state.
Washington, D.C. : Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia : One Big Happy Family ... Really!
Wisconsin : Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming : Where women Are women ... And The Sheep Are Scared
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
These are comments supposedly made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"