Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 25

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt


Alabama : Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California : By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado : If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut : Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It yet

Delaware : We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water


Georgia : We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii : Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho : More Than Just Potatoes ... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois : Don't Pronounce the "S", or else.

Indiana : 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa : We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas : First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky : Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland : If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts : Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan : First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota : 10,000 Lakes ... And almost 10 Trillion Mosquitoes

Mississippi : Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri : Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana : Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska : Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada : Hookers and Poker! Well, it's a family state now, but we still have poker.

New Hampshire : Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey : You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

New Mexico : Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York : You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...

North Carolina : Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota : We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma : Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon : Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania : Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina : Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota : Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee : The Educashun State

Texas : Sí, Hablo Ingles

Utah : Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont : Yep

Virginia : Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington : We have more rain than you do than any other state.

Washington, D.C. : Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia : One Big Happy Family ... Really!

Wisconsin : Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming : Where women Are women ... And The Sheep Are Scared

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

These are comments supposedly made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

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