Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.
This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
... When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
... When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
... The batteries were given out free of charge.
... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
... A will is a dead giveaway.
... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
... When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
... Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
... Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
... A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
... When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
... When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
... Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
... Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Stolen Weapon Found During Search At Tennessee Jail
The comments posted by readers following the story are as funny as the story itself...
Loaded Gun Hidden In Suspects Vagina
APRIL 22 -- A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.
As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an unknown object in the teenagers crotch during a search.
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina, according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver--which is four inches in length--had been stolen from an auto burglary in 2013. The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was ransacked last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, Oh, gosh. He noted that he would eventually like the little fellow returned, but added that the weapon would require a bath in bleach.
News of the weapon in Archers vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.
Archer was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility.
According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.
AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES
1. I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a 'hair trigger'.
3. Happiness is a warm gun?
4. At four inches in length it comes off as half cocked...
5. "For sale AA22LR never used; still in the box."
6. Report reads, " ... Introducing contraband into a penal facility." Shouldn't that be 'penile' facility?
7. If it went off, could you call it her 'boom box'?
-. Remember: Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10. You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
11. Oh my ... accident waiting to happen. Could 'shoot the beaver'.
12. I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a "hole" new meaning...
13. Complete reversal on the classic, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"