Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 10

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

From a faithful Reader... :)

Diary of a snow shoveler...

December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.

The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.

It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.

I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.

What a fantastic sight!

Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?

Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!

Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.

I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.

What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow.

Such a disappointment!

My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white

Christmas.

No snow on Christmas would be awful!

Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again

I don't think that's possible.

Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.

The temperature dropped to -20.

The cold makes everything sparkle so.

The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.

This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.

I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast.

Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.

Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.

Stocked the freezer.

The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

I think that's silly.

We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning.

Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.

Hurt like hell.

The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing.

Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours.

I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.

Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.

God I hate it when she's right.

I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.

More shoveling!

Took all day.

The damn snowplow came by twice.

Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.

I think they're lying.

Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.

Might have another shipment in March.

I think they're lying.

Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.

I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till

August.

Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.

By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.

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