Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
These two are compliments of whiterabbit
HIPPITY - HOPPITY
A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately it jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay the rabbit was dead.
The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying by the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked him what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it. The woman told the man not to worry and that she knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved his paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and then hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved. It continued hopping, turning and waving every 50 feet until it was out of sight. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can. He ran over to the woman and asked "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so the man could read the label - it said:
Hair spray - Restores life to dead hair - adds permanent wave.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.
Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.