Chapter 1: Waking up

Dear reader, what you are about to read is a true story. How do I know this? Simple - it’s because this is my story. I know that no one will believe what I have written, and I don’t blame them. Heck, if I wasn’t living it, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t believe it either. I just wanted to tell my story since it’s been killing me to keep everything compressed within. This is probably why I am sharing it on SOL. At least here, I don’t have to worry about being locked up in a nuthouse. But enough of that. All I ask is that you suspend your disbelief so that you might enter into my crazy world.

Let me tell you I guess, a little bit more about, who I used to be. I grew up an only child in a small town, in a good family with parents who loved me. Growing up, I was very active. A smart kid, but not necessarily very motivated. I always did the minimum necessary, in both studies and in sports. It wasn’t till much later in life that I realized that there really is no substitute for hard work. Once I realized this fact, I did change my ways. I worked hard to earn a master’s degree and married the love of my life. My wife is/was gorgeous as well as petite with dusky skin, perky boobs and an ass that made everyone who saw it stop and stare. In bed she was a passionate little tigress and very vocal. All in all, I would say that I was happy and content. I really didn’t want to change much in life. Could I do better? Sure. Would I want to give up everything I have for that chance? Not for a million bucks.

I know I am being rather vague, but I wanted to clarify that none of what happened that one winter night was my choice. I still remember that night vividly. It had been a typical day. We went to sleep early so that we could wake up and head to the gym. This was the one routine we stuck to religiously. Not so much to have 6-pack abs, but so that we could eat all the tasty treats the world has to offer. But I am getting side-tracked. When we fell asleep last night, the weather forecast was for a winter storm to strike the East Coast. I remember falling asleep with my last thought being about whether or not we would make it to the gym.

I’ve read stories where people were approached by angels, or demons, or aliens, and given a chance to redefine their lives. I don’t know if there’s any truth to that, but that’s not what happened to me...

The next thing I remember was waking up in absolute darkness, which is as scary as it sounds. I couldn’t tell if I was standing on solid ground, if there was a sky, or even if there was any end to this place. And no matter how I struggled, yelled and screamed, I couldn’t seem to shake myself out of this state. What frightened me the most was that it felt real, like my body was physically present in this strange place. I cannot say how long I was stuck in the darkness, but suddenly in the distance a light appeared, and I remember moving towards the light. Even as I moved, I remember feeling myself losing something, something precious. However, at that time I just couldn’t get to the light fast enough. Ever since, when I think back to that exact moment, I could not help but wonder that if by running to the light, I had given up my past self.

Upon arriving at the light, I realized that I was standing in front of some kind of a projection that was showing me images of a little girl. It was an extremely strange feeling to be standing in absolute darkness, watching images covering the life of a complete stranger. The images had a kind of mesmerizing effect on me, I stood there for a long long time, watching her grow up in front of me. After a while, I felt like I knew her better than her parents, her friends and possibly even the girl herself. I remember feeling a little ashamed watching her have her first period, or the excitement when she won her first race. One thing I had noticed right away was how attractive she was. Even as a kid it was obvious that she would grow up to be a stunning woman. In many ways, I noticed that she seemed to be a female version of myself, only better. She was intelligent, athletic and motivated. She was beautiful, even if her body hadn’t quite achieved its final perfection. But with all her qualities, she was incredibly shy and an introvert. She had few friends who truly understood her, and it seemed like life would pass her by if she didn’t accept who she truly was and grab life by the horns. I could not help but wonder how I would live her life differently if I were her. And that was the moment when I was finally kicked out of the darkness and I awakened!

I was in a small twin bed instead of my queen mattress. There was a large open window next to the bed (which I did not remember), and the view outside was bright and sunny with trees and birds chirping, instead of a bleak Jersey winter morning. It was disorienting to say the least. I was looking for my wife and our photos on the wall but saw nothing familiar and I started to panic. And then I heard a girl screaming which confused me even more, until I suddenly realized that the screaming girl was me. I heard loud knocks on the door, and this tall man came running into the room and said, “Anna are you okay?” I remember looking at him in complete confusion, wondering who he was referring to, and more important, who the fuck the man was and why was he in my house?

(At this point, I am going to switch to writing as if this was happening in real time, rather than me recalling things. I apologize for the abrupt switch.)

Startled, I looked up at the man, “Who’s Anna? And what’s going on here? Who are you and why are you in my house?” He was clearly caught off guard, “What do you mean who am I. The last I remember, I was still your father and Anna’s still your name and this is our house and you are in your room. Are you okay kiddo, what’s wrong?” That’s when a slim and attractive woman wearing an apron came running in. “What happened? Why were you screaming, Honey?” Hearing them both was the final straw, and I broke down and started crying. See, the thing was, I did recognize them! I had seen both of these people in my dream last night, only at the time, I had been watching them on that weird projection. I couldn’t fathom how I had gone from that to them barging into my room, claiming me as their child (at that time the change of sex had still not registered).

Both of them were clearly worried as they rushed over and hugged me. For some reason, feeling their concern actually soothed me. It felt like there was a connection between us that went deeper than a dream. The moment I relaxed, I suddenly remembered their names - they were Jane and Peter Holder, age 38 and 42 respectively. Jane was a science teacher at the local community college and Peter was the branch manager at a bank in San Diego. And bam ... everything started pouring in, those images that I had watched from the outside, suddenly became my memories. I was Annabel Holder, 16 years old, I had a “boyfriend”, whom I had held hands with and gone out with for one date. Oh, and I was a teen prodigy high school student that was about to graduate and who had been accepted to Stanford University. However, this information did nothing to truly calm me down since I also “knew” with just as much confidence that I was a 38-year-old data analyst working in the healthcare industry.

However, it did get me thinking, and I knew that at this moment I needed some peace and quiet to gather my thoughts. And before I could do that, I needed to get my “parents” out of the room. I steeled myself and said the first thing that came into my mind. “I’m so sorry for making you guys worry. I had a really vivid dream where I was an older married man and I felt like I was living a different life. I woke up still believing I was that guy. Which is why I screamed and didn’t recognize you. I’m fine now. I’m really sorry mom and dad.” Hearing that, they both looked surprised and then, after a second, started laughing. “That’s a fine way to start the morning kiddo. Let me know if that guy had any stock tips that I should consider investing in.” (yeah he thinks he’s hilarious). And winking, he left the room, leaving my mother still looking worriedly at me. “Honey, I want you to rest today. I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure, what with working on graduating and doing the extra preparations to start at Stanford. I really wish you’d slow down and take things at a normal pace instead of fast tracking through school. There is so much more to life than studies. Anyways, I’m making breakfast now and I’ll bring you something light to eat and let you rest. Call me if you need anything, Love.” She hugged me again, kissed me on my forehead and left. I could feel her love radiating outward and it felt really good, although this meant that I was finally alone in my room with my mind running at a million miles per minute. I looked around and noticed that it did seem like a typical girl’s room, painted in different shades of pink with a dresser and a desk at which she studied. But it was also pretty minimally decorated. Anna had not really stamped her presence on the room. To try and get a grip on myself, I decided to go take a look at this body I was inhabiting. With that thought in mind, I got out of bed and walked over to the dressing table and stared into the mirror.