Chapter 24: Fish or Cut Bait?

Rocket to the Moon at Disneyland was a theater in the round with an audience capacity of 100 and a show duration of ten minutes. Uncle Walter had recreated that 1955-vintage ride and I was serving as ride host for 100 orphans. When the show ended, I asked the kids for an after action report.

"When you finish your AAR," I announced, "your next stop is the Jedi Academy."

"I'll take it from here, Tom," Uncle Walter told me. He was a full-bodied ghost in a

Confederacy Navy uniform, rank of commander, rather solid looking – not ghostly at all. "Georgia needs you in Ready Room Two right now."

I saluted Uncle Walter (he was a superior officer) and after he returned my salute I trotted out the exit, took the first transporter pad I saw, and was standing at attention in front of Georgia.

"Lieutenant Lawrence reports," I announced.

"Scramble extraction," Georgia said. "The evacuee is Hiram Yokum, a DECO asset."

That most likely meant that Hiram Yokum was not yet Confederacy military personnel. There was a lot of work needed to prepare Earth for the Sa'arm. A lot more work was going into building a fleet and evacuating as many humans as non-humanly possible. Hiram Jacobs could have been EDF working with DECO. Didn't matter. The mission briefing was that Hiram Jacobs was being held against his will at a movie ranch called Apacheland.

"Ramses, where's that?" I asked. "I haven't heard of Apacheland before."

<Apache Junction, Arizona.> Ramses, the AI running Arc Dios, the star ship/space station/academy/theme park/zoological garden/museum/orphanage where I lived. AI make people like me appear more intelligent than we are. Ramses patiently explained that the Apacheland Movie Ranch began operations in 1959 and had just completed a movie.

"Have Gun, Will Travel was filmed there?" I asked. "I thought the television series was filmed in California."

Learning all the time – but then I have so damned much to learn. Turned out that only five episodes had been filmed in Arizona. A 1969 fire had destroyed most of the movie ranch, but it had been rebuilt. The ranch was mostly inactive because the Western had died and nobody was interested in making war movies since Average Joe had revealed the existence of the Confederacy and the Sa'arm. My cover was rather clever. I was there to collect the bootprints of the stars. Much like Grauman's famous hand prints, Apacheland had concrete squares with the bootprints of stars who had visited the ranch. The ranch was located north east of Apache Junction and was near Mesa, Arizona. Mesa and Phoenix are one big city in my book, yet the Superstition Mountains are all but howling wilderness. Apacheland was across the road from a state park and there was a mining operation.

"It makes more sense that Yokum would be stashed in the mining operation," I commented.

"Yokum is at the movie ranch, believe me," Georgia said. "Ensign Williams will be standing by with his platoon."

"You'll take three of my Marines with you," Mary ordered.

"I'll need a canine," I said. "I'll ask Nana to pick one. That dog will have to be on a leash."

"Take Fenster Wolf," Lilith directed.

It took only a few minutes to rent an RV from a dealer in Phoenix. A local Confederation Naval Auxiliary was our point of contact. The testing center was located in a decaying motel. There were other places in Phoenix that I wanted to visit for the purpose of collecting artifacts. The ship's bell of the battleship Arizona, BB-39, was one of those artifacts. Humans first, though.

Driving along the potholed roads told me that Arizona had gone down-hill since extractions began. The rented RV stank! Fenster whined, telling me that the air conditioning needed new filters –at the very least. One of the windows was missing and had cardboard taped over it. The stainless steel sink was rusty. As for the wheezing engine and clanking transmission, the less said, the better. Tires were almost bald. One of the four headlights was out. The license plate was expired.

"Get a horse." I muttered, thinking of my gray steed Blitzkrieg. Well, I'd only be here a few hours. Traffic ranged from sparse to gridlocked. Using Baby Huey in the shuttle Messenger of the Gods to route around the congested intersections, it took only three hours to travel from the insertion point to Apacheland. There were many abandoned and stripped automobiles lining the potholed highway. A horse would have been nicer and not really that much slower.

"Are we there yet?" Boo quipped as I pulled the sputtering RV into the parking lot.

"Will this thing start again?" Lau was another Marine.

Fortunately, these were not the standard model Marines because I had specified that they be able to pass themselves off in normal Earth crowds. We could always size them up later. All three were cross-dressed as men, if "cross-dressing" still applies to women. The alternatives were to adopt the near-nudity of most women in Phoenix, a concession to the summer heat and to desperation. Naked women get picked up during extractions. Topless women in skimpy skirts or just panties were common and more than one along the streets were completely naked; the few who were fully-clad drew attention for being out of place. Eventually we reached our objective, across the highway from a state park. Oddly enough, the park was all but deserted. The "closed" sign on the gate may have had something to do with being vacant.

"Boss-man, how abouts we just use the transporter pad and leave this wreck?" Cor was the third Marine and nominally a corporal. I'd have to talk to Mary about getting her people promoted!

"One thing for sure," Boo added, "if we have to flee, just about anything can catch us!"

Fenster snorted in agreement.

"We're sneaking around," I said as I put the RV in PARK, set the parking brake and shut down the engine. "Who would suspect us of launching an attack in this thing? Now if you'll place the chock blocks please. The brakes are flaky."

There was a sign that informed me NO DOGS ALLOWED. I ignored it and walked into the barn, Fenster at my heel.

"Can't you read?" the fat, bald man behind the counter shouted. "No dogs allowed!"

"Fenster is no dog," I replied. The fat man blanched when Fenster bared teeth.

"Why are you here?" a tired looking woman asked. She was modestly attired in a movie western dress complete with cowboy hat and gun belt. The name badge said "my name is HI" and I guessed that she was the person we were supposed to 'rescue.' Wouldn't be the first time in history that headquarters briefed me on the wrong mission. I began the recognition routine.

"Bootprints," I replied. "I'm here to capture the bootprints for posterity."