Chapter 17: Truth and Tears

Riki pressed play on the stereo and then moved to stand by the rain-battered patio doors of the living area to watch the ocean waves toss and curl and crash in the surrounding storm. This had become his spot, much as the balcony had been in Eos. His one place where he could think and smoke and just get away from things for awhile.

Iason’s therapy was going well, in fact he fully expected that the Blondie would be back on his feet within the next couple of weeks. That gave him some relief, but it was also a great cause of stress, for he knew once Iason was walking, he would have to leave.

After he had woken up in Iason’s arms the other night, he realized that maybe he did need something to help dispel his nightmares, so he’d swallowed his pride and started sleeping in Iason’s room again. Iason no longer attempted to touch him, except when they were sleeping in which Iason requested Riki allow himself to be held, so they could both manage their dreams.

Most of Riki’s resentment had dissipated to a dull ache as Iason no longer tried to control him. At least here he felt useful, whereas back in Tanagura he always felt rather worthless because Iason controlled everything; from what he wore, to what they ate, to when they had sex. Now, Riki had some say in the matter and he was surprised at the difference it made just being able to say no, with Iason respecting that response.

He and Katze shared their meals together as Iason seemed content to eat in his room with Cal attending him. Katze did not attempt to draw Riki into a discussion, as Iason always had, and when Riki tried to converse with Katze, he got simple, one-word answers. It made him realize how frustrating it was to have a proper conversation with someone who refused to participate.

Iason had often tried to talk to him during their meals together, but Riki knew so little about Iason’s work, and since he did nothing during the day besides wait for Iason to return, there was even less for them to talk about. That made him sullen and resentful, and he supposed, childish as well. Iason never showed his frustration and Riki wondered why.

Iason was teaching Cal how to play a strategy game named Jaku, and the Blondie was decidedly patient and encouraging, gently criticizing the boy’s numerous mistakes by showing Cal how to learn from them. Riki realized that Iason probably was pretty tolerant with him too, most of the time, especially their last year together. His punishments were few and far between, and nowhere near as brutal as they once were. Once, he had only thought of Iason as a demon or beast, but now he wasn’t so sure. Now he was starting to see a gentler side of Iason Mink and it both intrigued and bewildered him.

Katze sometimes brought back a program or machine that he would let Riki tinker with, to see if it could be improved, or if there was hacking involved, he’d let Riki try his hand. It was nice to have something else to focus his mind on instead of always thinking about Iason and his future. Riki had even accompanied Katze a few times away from the house, which lent credence to Iason’s promise that Riki was truly free.

In the evenings, Iason liked to read and Riki had developed the habit of sitting in the same room, if not right beside him, working on a program Katze had given him or playing a video game. Before he would be expected to sit at his master’s feet or stretched across his lap, but Iason made no such demands anymore and that confounded Riki. It felt weird to just sit together and Riki could never fully relax because he expected Iason to move closer, order him to sit on his lap, or try to kiss or touch him. Instead, Iason remained on his best behaviour and Riki was angry at himself for feeling disappointed.

It was a relief not to be pawed at or reminded that he was a pet, that he belonged to a master, but at the same time his body still craved Iason’s touch and he could admit that he was starting to feel horny. Was Iason no longer interested in him? Had he had truly given up and just didn’t want him anymore? This idea resulted in an entirely new set of feelings that confused and frustrated him.

He had finally managed to get Cal past his fear of the water and the boy was starting to enjoy swimming. They went out every afternoon, when the weather was good, for a quick dip in the water and Riki found himself growing even closer to Cal; started thinking of him more as a little brother than furniture.

“So, on a scale of one to ten, how sexually frustrated are you.”

Riki glanced around as Katze entered the room and he saw no reason to lie. “Fifteen.”

Katze chuckled. “I figured.” He leaned against the wall opposite Riki. “I’d offer to help you out, but as ex-furniture I’d be useless in that area.”

And image of Daryl going down on him snuck into Riki’s memory and he quickly shook it away; but not before he wondered if Katze had ever been requested to do something similar. Did all furniture have to learn such things?

“And you call yourself a friend,” he tossed, hoping the humor would dispel the dark thoughts.

“I don’t recall ever making that claim.”

Riki sighed, because that was certainly true. Katze would always put Iason before Riki, including inflicting any punishments on Iason’s order, so friendship was never really in the cards for them. Still, they had a connection; strange as it was. He could depend on Katze, but he couldn’t trust him; not completely.

He wandered over to the sofa and dropped down. “This is all so fucked up.”

“Then put you and Iason out of your misery and do it already?”

“I’m not his pet anymore, Katze.”

“So don’t do it as his pet.”

Riki shook his head at the idea. Iason could never be considered his lover or pairing partner. It wasn’t possible. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it ... Can’t be like that. Iason will only ever see me as a pet, just like he only sees you and Cal as furniture. He can’t change what he is.”

“He already has changed, Riki, you just refuse to see it.” Katze paused. “You know, Iason could have just had me terminated because of a mistake I made as his furniture, but instead he decided to utilize the talents he saw in me.”

Riki again thought of Daryl, who had not been on the receiving end of Iason’s favor. “But you’re still just his slave, Katze.”

“I belong to him, yes. If he wants something done, I do it, but I also have my own life outside of Iason. I have my own place. I make my own money.”

“You make money for Iason.”

“Of course, but I also get a salary, no other furniture does. Furniture is not permitted to live outside their master’s home, but I do. Furniture is not permitted to make their own decisions nor are they highly trusted in the things that Iason trusts me with. I’m as free as I can be, considering what I am.”

“But you have to stop everything to report to Iason, to do what Iason wants.”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t see the problem with that?”

“No, because I am more than willing to do anything he asks of me.”

“But why?”

“I just explained why. He saved my life, Riki. Because of him I was able to escape the Slums. He’s offered me a safe place in his home to grow and learn, where I would never have to brace for a secret attack, or go without food. Then me gave me a life outside of just being furniture, a life of purpose that I would never have had the chance for as a mongrel Ceres, and it’s a life I really enjoy. I am forever in his debt because of it.” Katze poured them each a glass of Sake, handed one to Riki then settled in the chair opposite. “You don’t like to feel indebted to anyone, and I get that, but I am indebted to Iason and I always will be. He is my master, for now and always, and I have accepted that.”

“You’re out of your mind.”

“Why, because I appreciate and understand the risks that Iason took to give me the life that I have?”

“Yes! No matter what you claim he has done for you, you’re still on a chain! You’re still nothing more than Iason Mink’s lapdog!”

“And you’re still just his pet,” Katze returned without a trace of malice. “Whether he gives you freedom or not, you will always belong to Iason.”

“Shut up!” Riki bolted to his feet, only to have Katze catch his swinging fist by the wrist, without spilling the drink in his other hand, so the two were close enough they could feel each others breath.

“You still don’t get it! Being Iason’s furniture is not the same as being furniture for anyone else, just like being Iason’s pet isn’t the same. You’ve seen it for yourself. You’ve seen the way he protected you from what the other pets must endure. You’ve accepted the freedoms he gave you in Apatia, when no other pets would ever receive such freedoms, and you still show not one ounce of gratitude!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Riki wrenched himself away and glared at Katze, furious. “I’m supposed to be grateful? To him? He kidnapped me when I was fucking fifteen and kept me chained up in a room, naked, for months, while he played with me and beat me and forced chemicals into me. He humiliated me, tortured me, fucking pissed all over my pride for four years and I’m supposed to be grateful for that?”

“Yes,” Katze returned simply, released Riki’s wrist, stepped back in case the mongrel started swinging again, then took a sip of his drink. “Because as his pet you also had his protection, his resources and his attention. You were fed, clothed, given money, and if there was anything you really needed or wanted, he would have provided it for you.”

“I didn’t fucking ask for any of that!”

“And were you so much better off in Ceres, fighting for every scrap? Or any safer working for me in an environment where you could be just as easily killed and forgotten?”

“I can take care of myself! I’ve been doing it all my life and I was just fine before Iason Mink came along!”

“You weren’t just fine or you wouldn’t have come to me looking for work!” Katze snarled, letting his calm façade drop for a moment. “You were selling yourself on the fucking street, Riki!”

“That was one time! One fucking time to pay a debt and it cost me my freedom, my choice! I didn’t want that! I never wanted that!” But it wasn’t the only time Riki had traded his body for favours, but he would not feel shame for that. That was how things were in Ceres, physical pleasure or domination was the only currency they had there, the only power the Elites, the Blondies of Tanagura would permit slum mongrels.

Before he had met Guy, trading his body had been a necessity, hell, even afterwards he had done it a few times. So had Guy, it was part of living in the slums; part of making a deal or paying a debt, but that didn’t make him a whore! The hardest thing was realizing that none of those men, not even Guy, could make him feel one tenth of what Iason made him feel; none of them knew what his body was capable of as much as that damned Blondie Elite.

“Then what do you want, Riki? What exactly do you want from Iason that he hasn’t given or offered you?”

“To be free!”

To be free of needing Iason’s touch. To be free of wanting Iason, free of waiting for that occasional look of approval that sometimes made him so fucking happy he could weep. He wanted to be free of all these conflicting feelings, free to hate the being that he now couldn’t live without.

“You are free!” Katze snapped, slamming his drink down on a tall side bureau. “If that is all you wanted, then why are you still here? Take your freedom and run, if that is truly all you want then go. I’ll drive you wherever the hell you want, or, fuck it! Drive yourself!” He tossed Riki the starter to his vehicle. “Well? Go on, leave!”

“Fine!” Overwhelmed by his emotion and pushed to the edge by his own fears and desires, Riki grabbed up the keys that had bounced off his chest and fallen to the floor, then stalked across the room. “I’m out of here!” He threw open the main entrance door, then stopped as if he had hit an invisible barrier and stared at the sheets of rain falling outside. He started to tremble.

“Well?” Katze followed. “You’re not going to let a little rain stop you, are you?”

“No!” Yes! He didn’t give a shit that it was storming, he had been out in worse; he needed to run! And yet, he knew if he stepped outside this door that he’d never come back; he’d never be welcomed back.

What was wrong with him? This door, it suddenly felt like the one in Eos, the giant gate he’d never been permitted through, until Daryl. This door, just like that one, led to freedom, a life away from Iason Mink and the constant sex, the degradation and humiliation. But he’d be caught, just like he had before, wouldn’t he? He’d be dragged back again by Iason’s goons, right? Iason wasn’t really going to let him go, was he?

“What are you waiting for?”

The Blondie would never really let him go free, not after everything he had done to keep him. Not after blackmailing him to come back to Eos, and giving him an apartment in Apatia. Not after tracking him to Dana Bahn and getting injured trying to save him and Guy. He wasn’t really going to just let him go, was he? Had the last four years really meant nothing to Iason? Was he really nothing more than a Blondie’s pet?

“I ... can’t.”

“Why can’t you? You have your freedom and now you have transportation. Do you need credits?” Katze pulled out his wallet and tossed a credit stick at Riki’s feet. “There’s several thousand at your feet, take it and go.”

“He ... He’ll just chase me down again!” He’ll just bring me back!”

“He won’t.” He can’t Katze added silently. “He’s given his word that he won’t come after you, and if he does, he’ll need me to find you and I’m done chasing such an ungrateful pet, so go!”