Chapter 15: Trying To See Reason

Iason was looking very debonair in long white slacks and flowy blouse with green adornments and cuffs. He adjusted the lapels of his shirt as Katze, who had helped him to dress, picked up his cloak.

“We needn’t go that formal,” Iason said as it would hardly be useful with him in this damned chair.

Katze nodded and set the cloak aside, then picked up a brush and began to smooth out Iason’s long hair.

“How do I look?”

“Like a man on a mission,” Katze returned.

“Indeed.” Iason pulled at his collar, why did it feel so tight? He usually didn’t mind the rounded collars at his throat, but today it was irritating him. “I don’t want to wear this one. Give me the dark blue with the red shoulders.”

Katze set the brush down and went to the closet, trying not to smile. This would be Iason’s third change in the last half hour. “I thought you found it too dark?”

“No, no. It will be fine. The collar on this one is bothersome.”

Katze returned and once again assisted in Iason in changing. “Bottoms and top?”

“No, just the top.” Iason had already shrugged out of the other shirt; he could do that much himself at least. He could not wait to be free from this cursed chair!

As he slid his arms into the blue tunic and Katze began to fasten it around him, he wondered what this strange, uneasy feeling inside him was? It had started a couple of hours ago and seemed to worsen as the time toward dinner grew closer. It felt similar to one he had when Riki had gone missing after Guy had kidnapped him. As only a select few knew that he and Riki were alive, he could not assign this feeling to the same situation. Therefore, what in the world could it be?

“Nervous?”

Iason glanced at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“Are you nervous?”

“You are well aware that I am incapable of such a foolish sentiment, Katze.” Wasn’t he? Was that what his weird tingling in his brain was? A case of nerves?

He could not deny that when Katze had suggested this intimate dinner for two between him and Riki he had been rather reluctant. It was not as though he and Riki had not dined together before, many times in fact, but aside from eating there was very little else to claim it a worthy endeavor. Iason did not see how this would be an important step towards winning Riki’s heart.

His eyes flicked towards the curtain that hid the selection of monitors which were been set up in his room. “Is Riki still here?”

Iason was reluctant to completely agree to Katze’s suggestion of no longer supervising Riki while inside the house. At least when Iason could see his pet on the monitors, he knew Riki still nearby and safe. It seemed almost impossible to rid himself of the worry that Riki might be taken from him again, and being able to observe him, even if it was just to smoke or sleep or interact with Cal, gave him a sense of relief and security. He also did not want to wake to find his slum mongrel had fled; as he had a couple of weeks previously.

“Yes. He agreed to have dinner with you, remember?”

“He could change his mind. He’s always changing his mind. I never know what he is thinking.”

Katze wondered how Iason thought watching Riki on the monitor screens would change that. Although, he was having some serious misgivings himself. Wanting to help his master, and now his friend, in this frightening new endeavor had required him to do a lot of research over the last few hours. There were all sorts of books on starting a relationship, keeping the romance in one alive, winning someone’s heart, but all of those had dealt with two willing participants as the practicing parties. He was not at all sure the advice would work for a master and a pet. But they had to try something, and so to ensure the agitated Blondie, he quoted something from his recent resources.

“That’s why you’re having dinner together; to talk about what he is feeling. What you are both feeling.”

“I simply do not understand the point of that. Riki is aware how I feel for him, why must we continue to discuss it?”

“He knows you want his body. I don’t think he realizes or believes you want his heart.”

“Ridiculous! Have I not done enough to show him that I want both?”

Katze picked up the brush again. “You asked for my advice and I have given it.” Or rather he had given the advice of other experts in the field. “If you want to end this now, say so.”

Iason shook his head. “I have tried this method before, if you must know,” he murmured, recalling their dinner on the balcony after he had gotten rid of Diman. “It did not go well.”

Katze remained silent and continued to brush Iason’s hair.

“Speak your mind, Katze.”

“I have nothing to say.”

Iason released a sardonic laugh. “Of all people, you must not lie to me, Katze. You believe I went about the matter incorrectly? If so, explain the significance of my error?”

“I wasn’t there so could not say...”

“Katze!”

“Maybe ... because you do always think about getting him into bed, before anything else, and that came through in the dinner.”

“That was not it at all! Riki was being completely unreasonable and I...” Certainly, they’d ended up having sex, but that was only because Riki had made him angry. “He is my pet, and taking him is my right. It should not matter one way or the other as to whether a dinner is successful because of it.”

Katze did not bother to remind Iason that he was the only elite who had sex with his pet, but he could hear the faintest tint of remorse in his master’s voice, and was stunned by it.

Iason turned his head and glared at Katze when the man continued to silently brush his hair without further comment. “Is this what you call helping?”

“Nope.” Katze smirked. “This is what I call keeping my way of life.” He set the brush down and leaned against the wall in front of Iason. “It’s because of you taking what is your right that has Riki so adamant not to be taken again. If you keep pushing him for sex he will keep jumping back.”

“He enjoys it! Why does he deny himself, us both, when it is so obviously what he desires?”

Katze shrugged, he had a theory, but wasn’t yet ready to share it. He believed the main reason Riki kept denying their physical relationship was probably because, for the first time in four years, Riki could say no and have it actually mean something. He’d gained some control over his relationship with Iason and Katze was pretty sure that Riki was testing those boundaries daily. He still did not trust the Blondie to keep his word. He did not believe what control he had gained wouldn’t be snatched away again.

“Maybe he’s ashamed.”

Iason scoffed. “A pet has no need of shame.” He had beaten the shame out of Riki years ago. “Why would he feel that way?”

“Because before he was a pet, he was a very proud slum mongrel. Before he became your property, he was his own man.”

“A man who offered himself to me on the street the very day we met.”

“I never said he was sensible or even logical, but he does feel shame, Iason.”

Katze was aware of this only through his talks with Riki while they worked together. It was not what Riki had said, it was what had been left unsaid and the general bitterness in the words that had been allowed to air. He had learned early on while working in the Black Market that the words that were left unspoken could be just as loud and important as those that were.

“He feels shame because, I think, deep down, he cares about you. He probably does like how you make him feel in bed, but having no reference for sex myself I can only assume that’s true.”

Iason turned his hover-chair to regard Katze quietly. “Is that a decision you’ve come to regret, Katze?”

Katze shrugged. “I won’t deny that if I’d had a better understanding what being castrated meant, I might have reconsidered my options more thoroughly, but what’s done is done. I can’t miss what I’ve never known, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the connection you and Riki have through sex.”

“It is not just sex that I want with him, Katze. There is so much more I wish to share with him. In order to do that, I must be assured that he is completely mine. I believed that was the case when he returned for me in Dana Bahn, but now he has reverted to being sullen and belligerent again and withholding himself from me.”

“I know, but you have to understand that for us humans, to have a proper relationship there has to be more than just you taking what you want and him giving what he can’t freely hold onto. It can’t be just him becoming yours, you ... You have to become his as well.”

Iason’s eyebrows rose. “You wish me to become a pet to Riki?”

“No, not like that. Look, just take that word pet out of your vocabulary for awhile and consider this. If you weren’t an Elite of Tanagura, say you were living in the slums or in Midas or somewhere instead, and you saw Riki on the street and wanted to be with him, what would you do?”

“I would make him mine.”

Katze tried not to sigh. “Okay, but how would you convince him to make him yours? What if he didn’t want to go with you?”

“I would simply take him, as I did before and train him.”

“But what if you couldn’t do that, Iason? What if you were just a regular slum mongrel too, with no power, no money, no rights?”

The concept did not even compute for Iason, he could not be someone who he wasn’t. “I fail to see the relevance of such a farce.”

“What if you weren’t a rich Son of Jupiter and head of the Tanagura Syndicate? For instance, I can tell you right now that if you didn’t possess the unusual strength you do, Riki the Dark would have kicked your ass in a heartbeat.”

Iason smiled a little at the thought. “I have no doubts he would be quite formidable.”

“Okay, so if you were just another regular guy and there was no one to do your bidding, how would you approach him? You couldn’t just kidnap him off the street you’d be beaten or arrested. Or both.”

“That is preposterous. No one would dare arrest an Elite.”

Katze ran his hands over his face, Iason just wasn’t getting it. “Never mind.”

“No, continue. I am intrigued by what you are saying, however I cannot be someone I am not, so it is difficult for me to understand the meaning behind such words. If this is something I am required to know to make Riki mine then you must help me to understand.”

Katze tried another approach and wondered how in the hell he had become the shrink to an Elite? “Why do you want to make Riki yours?”

“Because I want him.”

“You want him?”

“Yes.”

“And you always get what you want.” Katze knew the answer to that one without Iason having to reply.

“I love him, Katze. Is that what you wish to hear?”

“Why do you love him, Iason?”

He had heard Riki ask this question many times before, understood that it was a particularly sore spot with the Mongrel. Riki just didn’t understand why Iason wanted him. Maybe if he did, maybe if Iason could explain it better, both of them could move forward.

“Now you sound like Riki.”

“It’s a valid question and one I know disturbs him.”

“Why should it disturb him? Isn’t loving him reason enough?”

“Not for him.”

Iason scowled. “This is getting far too complicated.

“Love ain’t for the faint of heart.” Katze felt his cheeks heat a bit, did he just quote a romance movie? Had he ever watched a romance movie? He must have to know it. He slapped his face into his palm. What was Iason turning him into?

“I cannot explain myself further, Katze, as this is a new feeling for me as well. I simply do not wish to be without him. I cannot be without him. As to the reasons, well ... Again I am not sure of them myself. Riki is beautiful; he responds in ways no other pet has ever responded to me. I enjoy hearing his moans of pleasure as well as his cries of pain.” Although he did know the line of where to stop, he would never seriously injure his beloved pet. “He makes me feel things I have never experienced before. He engages me, challenges me, provokes me and delights me and I want more of those feelings. Is that not love?”

Katze supposed it was, in a selfish, scientific sort of way. “So why don’t you try telling him all of that?”

Iason paused, considered the idea and immediately rejected it. He had to maintain some control over his pet, after all. To reveal such intimate details would be a weakness and he could not be shown as weak; not to Riki. “That would be impossible.”

“Why?”

“It simply would.”

“Well, you’ll have to figure out something to talk about over dinner, or are you just going to sit there and ignore each other as you have been doing?”

“I won’t deny that the few times Riki and I actually had a proper discussion, I rather enjoyed it, yet he is so difficult to gage, Katze. I never know what will set him off and make him angry again.”

Katze knew what that meant too, if Iason couldn’t read Riki he couldn’t control the discussion. “I’m sure he feels the same way about you.”

“I have not been angry with him in quite some time.”

“You’re angry with him now, because he won’t submit to your demands; because your relationship hasn’t continued from what it was before. You think he doesn’t know that?”

Iason pondered Katze’s words. “Why can he not just be my pet? Why does he have to act up the way he does?”

“You wouldn’t want him if he was docile.”

“Yes. That is the truth of it.” Iason sighed and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. “Whatever will we talk about?”

“About what you both want and need, just try not to pressure him.”

Iason nodded. “Well then, for better or worse, let’s get this farce over with.”

As Iason and Katze deliberated the evening upstairs, Riki was in his bedroom downstairs staring at his reflection in a tall mirror as he pulled on the dinner jacket that Cal had set out for him. He grimaced; he looked ridiculous in this outfit. Well, at least it was black, except for his shirt which was white. He still looked like an idiot.

He would have laughed it off, only Katze had promised that there was a carton of cigarettes in it for him if he would have this special dinner with Iason; and dress for the occasion.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,” he muttered. “It’s just a meal, right? If he thinks we’re gonna have sex then he’s dead wrong.”

“I do not believe that is Lord Mink’s intent for this evening.” Cal stepped back, smiled at the handsome young man before him. Riki did clean up quite nicely. “You seem nervous?”

Riki shrugged. He was a little nervous. Aside from therapy, he had tried to avoid being alone with Iason, and although they were back to sharing a bed, they were not having sex. Iason had not once tried to touch him beyond the requirement for therapy or just holding him in his arms at night.

His dreams had not stopped completely, but having Iason beside him when he woke lessened the fear and anxiety and allowed him to go back to sleep at least. Iason seemed to be sleeping better as well, as long has he was allowed to hold Riki in his arms every night.

He was constantly aware of Iason, especially whenever they were close together, and he couldn’t help the responding arousal he felt just being near the man who had trained his body to respond in ways that he had previously believed impossible. His resolve was growing weaker, because it had been weeks since he had been properly touched. It was no longer about trusting Iason, it was more that he was trusting himself less.

“Maybe,” he admitted.

“Shall I tell you a story, then?” Cal suggested as he stepped up to brush down the lapels of his jacket.

“Sure.” Anything to get his mind off spending an evening alone with Iason. Was this really just dinner, or would they end up fucking on the table? Riki wasn’t sure which one he preferred at this stage and part of him, a very small part, wished that the choice could be taken out of his hands; as it had so many times before.

“Once, before I came to be furniture, my sister gave me a mouse she had caught in the alley. It was the ugliest thing, dirty and smelly and had these hard, beady eyes. It was thin, probably starving. So I hid it in my pocket, and at night, when everyone else was asleep, I washed it in the sink. It had white fur, though I originally thought it black as it was so dirty. But its fur was soft and fluffy when clean, and it’s nose and tail was the prettiest colour of pink.”

“Cal...” Riki suspected where this was going and he was not in the mood to hear it.

“You said I could tell you the story.”

“Fine.” Riki sighed as Cal set down the lapel brush and picked up a hair brush. He snatched it from the boy and turned towards the mirror. “I can brush my own damn hair.”

Cal nodded serenely and set about gathering the clothes Riki had discarded from earlier to put in the laundry bin. “Well, I didn’t know very much about mice, I was so young, and the people at Guardian didn’t allow pets so I had to keep him a secret. But I read up on them when I could, I found a box to keep him in and some cotton stuffing I pulled out of my own meagre pillow.” Cal shot Riki a shy smile. “I fed it crumbs of my food, whenever I managed to get any, and talked to it and such. I even game it a name, Copper.”

Riki smirked as he met Cal’s gaze in the mirror, it was certainly something a kid would come up with. “So, what happened to it?”

“It died.”

Riki figured that much, and it just proved his point really, that you shouldn’t keep something wild in a cage. “Do you know why?”

“Yes. I didn’t love him enough.”

“Cal...” Riki set the brush down and turned to the boy. Really? How could the kid think that? “That had nothing to do with it. Mice, rats, all that stuff, belong outside or in alley ways. They need to be free.”

“I thought so too.” Cal picked up the hair brush and ran a cleansing wand over it, one that sucked out all the stray hairs. “Every day, all day Copper would run around in that small box, like it was looking for a way out, and sometimes it would just lay there and stare at me with such sadness my heart broke.”

So the mouse died of unhappiness, Riki could relate. “I’m sorry, Cal.” Even though the story validated his point of view on pets, he could tell that it had been hard on the kid. “Somethings aren’t meant to be tamed.”

“I agree and that was why I took it back to the alley and set it free.”

Riki blinked. “You ... you did?”

“Yes.” Cal set the brush back on the bureau then ran a hand over the bed sheets to smooth them out. “I wanted Copper to love me, to need me as much as I loved and needed it, but it didn’t. So, I took my pet to the alley and released it.” Cal’s somber gaze lifted to Riki’s. “Almost the moment it was free, a large cat pounced on it and ate Copper.”

Riki only stared, because what could he say to that? It was the circle of life, survival of the strongest. He supposed Cal was trying to draw a comparison between he resembled the fish more than he cared too. Iason had released him back into the slums, where life was far more dangerous, but at least he had been free and could protect himself. He probably could have been eaten at any time as well, if a giant beast decided to make him prey. He paused at the irony because that was exactly what Iason had done. Been the bigger, stronger predator.

“I know you don’t like to be a pet. You find it degrading and restricting, and I suppose it is. But having once owned a pet, I can tell you that I didn’t keep Copper to make it unhappy or to deny its freedom. I wanted to take care of it, I wanted that one creature’s life to be better than the life I thought it had in that stinking alley. Also, it was the only gift my sister ever gave me.” Cal sighed and looked away. “I was so very lonely and I wanted Copper to love me as much as I loved it, but I didn’t know how to make a mouse do that, I was too young and inexperienced.”

“You were a kid, Cal.” Riki fully understood what the boy was trying to say, the references he was making. “Iason isn’t. He is fully aware of what he does and the consequences.”

“Yes, but in some ways, I think he is just as lonely and inexperienced when it comes to caring for others.” Cal turned back and held Riki’s gaze. “Blondies are created to act like us, to learn and process and evolve, but they are not like us. I don’t think Lord Mink ever meant to hurt you or make you unhappy, he just didn’t know any better. He just...” Cal worried his small hands. “He just wanted you to love him.”

Riki blinked, stunned. Could that be true? Was Iason capable of real love? Was he, a belligerent slum mongrel even capable of feeling such a complex and frightening emotion? “He just wants to control me, Cal; to lick his boots and warm his bed. That’s all he wants from me.”

“He could have any pet do that. Any other pet would be happy to, in fact, but he chose you.”

Riki sat up, fisted his hair. “But why? Why does he have to want me? I ... I just don’t get it!”