Chapter 12: Troubled Thoughts and Therapy

Riki stared at the skyline of Tanagura, which could just barely be seen from his perch on the cliff. Three days ago, he had been given his freedom, and found out that Iason was unable to walk. Instead of fleeing, he had decided to stay and help the Blondie get back on his feet.

The medical droid they had chosen to assist in their healing, and to avoid any additional leak that they were still alive, had advised that Iason’s exoskeleton was in perfect android condition, but somehow the organic tissue that overlaid his artificial body was causing problems, as if it was being rejected by his synthetic form. Atop this concern, Iason’s organic brain did not seem capable of sending signals to the synapsis that controlled his legs; and reasoned that the connection had been severed during his injuries. Although the droid had no proof of this hypothesis, it was programed to theorize all possible causes even when none could be found and offer a percentage of the probability of those causes being accurate.

The droid offered a thirty percent chance that Iason would recover the use of his limbs, but warned it would be difficult as the current overlay of organic tissue and muscle that was being rejected by the synthetic endoskeleton would need to be repaired to work properly. There were only two conceivable ways to do that; to strip the tissue away and have Iason spend the next several months in a healing chamber in between surgeries that would manually replace the organic material and fuse it a piece at a time onto Iason’s android body, which would be a long, complicated process and would require far more people to be involved, or they could, consider Riki’s theory of work and exercise to encourage the current muscles and tissue to fuse on their own over time and avoid further notice of others. This could also trick the synapsis between Iason’s brain and his motor functions that were misfunctioning to start working again.

Riki had fully intended to stay and help Iason recover, but for some reason when he woke up that morning, after a particularly horrible dream that was related to his previous captivity, he felt an overwhelming panic to flee. He threw on his clothes and, before anyone else was awake, had bolted from the house.

He ran, pure and simple, just as he had run towards Ceres when Iason had released him well over a year ago. Running towards home, and Guy and a life he had some control over. Running away from Iason, from captivity and humiliation and a growing need to be touched by a Blondie. This time he’d had no destination in mind, he just needed to run, to get away from everything and everyone associated with Iason Mink. As he was running along the beach and then up onto the northern path right to up to when he’d scaled this dangerously treacherous cliff, he’d expected Iason or Katze to appear and drag him back.

It was an unreasonable fear, Iason couldn’t leave the villa on his own, but still he was afraid. The Blondie may be unable to walk, but that did not diminish Iason’s strength and need to control Riki and Riki had been subjected to too many punishments for him not to worry about possible repercussions. He expected Iason to come after him, to take him back, as he had before, or to send someone to do it. He did not truly believe that he was free.

A narrow path led down the side of the cliff to a main road, which ironically Riki had been in too much of a state to notice when he had climbed up from the other side, but occasionally he would see a car go by on that road. He considered going down, hitching a ride out of there, but where would he go?

Back to Ceres? No, he never wanted to see that place again, and he certainly wouldn’t go to Tanagura or Midas as he would be too easily recognized. Maybe one of the outer areas, like Sasan or Ainis. They were not as desolate as the slums, but nor were they as prosperous as Tanagura or Midas. Maybe he could go to work in a shop there, as an apprentice or something; work his way up?

Who the fuck was he kidding? He had no money, no ID and was still registered as a pet. He had only the clothes on his back, which weren’t even his usual clothes; they were just regular blue jeans and a T-shirt. He hadn’t even stopped to search for a jacket or taken anything with him; his need to flee had been too great.

Now, here he was watching as the sun set over the water and shivering slightly as the evening air became cooler without the heat of the sun. He hadn’t eaten anything, had taken no provisions, but he tried to ignore his cramping stomach. Having gone hungry plenty of times before, having been cold just as many times while wandering the streets of Ceres he could take it. Being Iason’s pet had gotten him fed and kept him warm and off the streets, but that was really the only advantage he’d had.

He’d been gone for hours and yet no one had come after him. Did that mean he really was free? Could he trust that Iason was keeping his word this time? No, he couldn’t trust it. He may not come today, or tomorrow, or in a week, but he would come eventually; just as he had the first time. It had been almost a year before Iason hunted him down and dragged him back, so he couldn’t trust that Iason wouldn’t do it again.

Still, Iason couldn’t walk. The medical droid confirmed it, but had also offered suggestions for the Blondie to become mobile again. Why then hadn’t Iason already started on that? Why did it seem that Iason was fine staying a cripple? He’d said he would stay and help, but he didn’t know why he’d even offered. Iason ordered Katze to give Riki whatever he needed, and then this morning, he just ran. Why? Why had he...? No. He was free. It was the right thing to do, to run, to get away from Iason and that life, get away from being a pet.

He groaned. Then why was he still here? Why couldn’t he just take his freedom and go? Why did he care whether Iason could walk? Why, even now, was he thinking about Iason touching him, kissing him, fucking him? He threw his head back and screamed a curse into the air. Tears of frustration stung his eyes. He’d been willing to die for Iason, he knew why, deep down he knew why, but he couldn’t verbally admit to it, even here in the middle of nowhere with no one else around him. He was terrified that if he ever said those words, that whatever meager bits of his identity he’d managed to save would shatter and be lost in the twisted and tormented world of Iason Mink.

Why hadn’t they just died together? Why prolong their suffering like this? Iason had to know, had to understand that they could never be, that their relationship would never be normal; not after everything that had happened between them.

A last cigarette between the two of us. Doesn’t seem a shabby way to go.

He saw Iason sitting there amongst the burning rubble and explosions with such a resigned expression on his beautiful face, until he saw Riki walking towards him; it was the first time Riki had ever seen surprise on the Blondie’s face, surprise and then...

He growled at himself and shook the vision away. What was wrong with him? Seeing things that weren’t there, thinking about things that could never be. Iason was an android, a Blondie of Tanagura. He didn’t feel remorse, or guilt. He didn’t feel sad or happy. He didn’t feel, period.

Slowly, he rose and moved to the edge of the cliff, stared down at water crashing against the jagged rocks below. He’d died, or thought he was going to, but Jupiter had brought him back. He had never believed in a higher power, even Jupiter, who was considered a God by some, was just a powerful AI. Still, he’d been given a second chance, regardless of who provided it or why, and he wasn’t at all sure of what he should do with this chance.

Finally, he realized that he couldn’t go forward until he dealt with his fucked-up feelings for Iason. He would go back, get the Blondie walking and then, once Iason was back to his normal controlling self, then Riki would walk away. Then he would spit in the android’s face and leave; knowing that Iason could come after him. And if Iason did, he would deal with it, but leaving while Iason was injured seemed cowardly. And besides, he still owed Iason, damn it. Iason had saved Guy. Despite everything his old friend had done, Iason had tossed Guy to safety and tried to save Riki as well.

It was after midnight when he eventually arrived back at the villa, walking this time instead of running. The house was quiet when he stepped inside, but despite the hour it was Cal who greeted him.

“Mr. Riki!” The young boy beamed at him, then scowled as he noticed the state of Riki’s clothes and the dried blood on his hands. “What have you done?”

Riki glanced down at his scrapped and bruised hands which had probably been bleeding at one time from his climb up the cliff. “It’s fine.”

“Of course it isn’t!” Cal insisted. “Come with me and I’ll get you cleaned up.”

“Cal, I...”

“Please...”

Riki noticed it then, the way Cal’s eyes glistened, so that even though he was smiling, the furniture was almost on the verge of crying. “What’s wrong? Has something happened to Iason?”

“No, Lord Mink is fine.” Cal moved forward and tentatively touched Riki’s arm. “Please, let me get you cleaned up and tend to your hands.”

Riki followed obediently back to his room and into the washroom. “Why are you so upset?”

Cal leaned over to start the water for the shower, then accepted Riki’s filthy T-shirt as the mongrel shrugged it off. “A nice hot shower will make you feel so much better, and I’ll make you some tea to warm you from the inside. It’s chilly out and you weren’t properly dressed, so you must be cold. We can’t have you getting sick and...”

“Cal.” Riki put his hand on the young boy’s arm, but Cal did not turn towards him. “What’s wrong?”

“You left,” the boy whispered brokenly, but then quickly straightened and moved aside, keeping his back to Riki, as his voice returned to its more cheerful state. “I’ll just go and get some ointment for your hands. Take as long as you like in the shower, make sure you get rid of that chill.”

Riki stared at the closed door as Cal exited the washroom and felt a wave of guilt and shame wash over him. Cal had been worried about him. He remembered how the boy had cried when he first woke up, and he had given no thought to what his sudden departure would do to him. Maybe Cal feared being left alone with only Iason again, who would probably not be at all kind to a furniture once his pet was gone.

“Shit.”

With a heavy sigh, Riki finished undressing then stepped into the steaming hot shower, he scrubbed himself clean, hissing slightly when the soap got into the cuts on his hands, but stayed in as instructed, until he felt the chill leave his body.

When he stepped out, there was a robe waiting for him, which he pulled on after drying off. He opened the door and stepped out into the bedroom, where, instead of Cal, Katze waited for him. The red-head had obviously not been to bed yet, as he was still fully dressed.

“Idiot,” Katze commented as Riki settled on the bed.

“Fuck off.” He let Katze examine his hands, then apply ointment to the cuts and wrap a bandage around each.

“You get into a brawl?”

“No, climbed a mountain.”

“Of course you did.” Katze rose, lit a cigarette then offered one to Riki, who accepted. “So, why’d you come back?”

Riki noticed the steaming cup of tea on the nightstand and reached for it, not because he wanted it, but because Cal had brought it for him. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I thought about staying gone, about hitching a ride to get me the hell out of here. I kept thinking someone would come after me.”

“And when no one did?”

Riki shrugged. “Iason waited a full year last time.”

“He’s given you your freedom, Riki. You no longer have the pet ring and your pet registration has been cancelled because they think you’re dead. What more proof do you need?”

“What happens when they find out I’m alive? Does the registration get reinstated?”

“Iason would have to request it, but since he has given you your freedom, I don’t see why he would.”

Riki sipped his tea. “I can’t trust him, Katze. He ... I can’t believe he is really willing to let me go.”

“Maybe that’s because you don’t really want him to let you go.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Riki snarled suddenly. “Do you have any idea what you’re saying? Do you really think I could pretend everything that bastard has done to me these past four years can be forgotten, just so Iason and I can ride off into the sunset?”

“I’m not saying it would be easy, but you both obviously have a connection...”

“My only connection to him was brought by force and torture. I’m conditioned to respond to him and that’s all there is to it.”

“Then why did you go back for him?” When Riki remained silent, Katze continued. “I was there remember? I saw how desperate you were. I remember what you said, how you wouldn’t let Iason die alone. Why bother going in there when you could have been free of him?”

“Jupiter saved him so I wouldn’t have been free, would I? He would have found me again and dragged me back.”

“But you didn’t know that. You expected him to die and you were willing to die with him. Why do that if you didn’t feel something for him?”

“What are you, some head counsellor or something?” Riki demanded, stalking to the balcony and throwing open the doors to stand at the railing. “It doesn’t fucking matter why. I did it. Iason’s alive and that’s all that matters.”

“All that matters, hmmm?” Katze followed Riki outside. “All I’m saying is if you hate him so much, if you’re just going to leave when he is up and walking anyway, why drag it out? Why bother to stay? Why should you care?”

“I owe him and I don’t like owing anyone.”

“How do you owe him?”

“He saved my life and Guy’s life.”

“And you sacrificed your own to be with him when you thought he was dying, so that to me wipes the debt clean.”

Again, Riki was silent. Katze didn’t get it. It was his fault that Guy went off the rails. If he had just left Ceres again, without telling Guy the truth his friend wouldn’t have snapped and kidnapped him; wouldn’t have tried to kill Iason. No, Dana Bahn was as much his fault as it was Guy’s, and he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he had let Iason die alone after that.

“Well...” Katze tossed his cigarette over the rail. “Go see Iason before you go to bed, he was worried about you.”

Riki nodded, but didn’t turn back to watch the other man leave. “Worried, huh?”

Worried that Riki was not in his control, maybe. Worried that his pet had gone astray and he’d have to find a new one more like.

Still, even if Iason was worried, no one had come after him. Was that on Iason’s order, or had he ordered it and Katze and Cal refused? No, neither of them would refuse Iason, so that meant that Iason had been willing to let him go; at least for now. It didn’t mean that Iason wouldn’t change his mind and come after him in the future, but he supposed it was enough for now.

He took one last, deep inhale, then tossed the butt over the rail and turned around. Stepping back inside, he closed the balcony doors to keep the cool evening air out, then headed upstairs. He found Iason in his hover chair staring out his window at the sea.

The Blondie turned as Riki stepped into the doorway.

“I’m back.”

“So, I see.”

Riki scowled. Really, that was all Iason had to say about it? He should have just stayed gone. “I almost didn’t come back.”

“That would have been your choice.”

A spark of temper flared inside the Riki. Did Iason really not give a shit about him anymore? Was he finally tired of having a mongrel for a pet? Had their near-death experience made him realize that there was an easier way to live, that he could have a less troublesome pet?

“Yeah, well, good night.”

“Riki.”

Riki reluctantly turned back to the doorway. “What?”

“I need...” Iason paused, hesitated; something a Blondie never did. “Could you please help me to the bed?”

Riki nodded as Iason guided the chair closer to the massive bed. He moved onto the bed to pull Iason from behind, as Iason used his upper body strength to lever himself onto the mattress. Together they got him properly situated.

“Do you want your clothes off?”

“Yes.” Iason started to unbutton his tunic as Riki removed his boots, and then unsnapped his trousers.

Iason did not wear undergarments, most androids didn’t, and even as Riki helped adjust Iason’s form on the bed, so he was lying flat, and pulled the covers over him, his own body could not help but react to the sight of Iason’s nakedness.

“What have you done to your hands?”

“Nothing. They’re fine.”

“Riki.” Iason’s hand sneaked up and cured around Riki’s neck to bring the young man down for a kiss, even as his other hand slid inside the opening of Riki’s robe to caress his nipples. “Stay.”

Riki’s response was automatic and immediate, and before he realized it, he was straddling Iason as his master’s tongue plundered his mouth. “Nnnn ... No ... Wait!”

What was he doing? He had to stop, but he couldn’t because he was conditioned to respond. His body arched as Iason’s sucked a nipple into his mouth, felt the weight of his arousal between his legs and gasped. So good, it was so good...

No. He was free now and he couldn’t go back to that. He was still trying to come to terms with his freedom, still testing the waters to see how far he could go before he would be reprimanded and brought back. Damn it! He felt like an adolescent again and struggled with himself against obeying Iason every time the Blondie spoke.

“Let me ... go.”

“No.”

“You set ... ahhh ... me f ... free, remember?”

“You are mine,” Iason growled as he slid his hand down between them and stroked Riki. “You want me to touch you. Why do you deny it?”

“My body wants it because ... nnngg ... you t ... trained it that way,” Riki growled, frustrated. “I’ve never had a ... ahhh...” Dear God! Obviously, his new equipment was working as well as the old and seemed twice as sensitive, he was only seconds away from begging Iason for release. “A ... real choice in the matter.”

“Are you saying you would let me touch you only if you choose it?”

Riki didn’t know what he was saying, he only knew that he had to get away from Iason before he gave into the cravings, before he became a pet again, yet he could not make his body pull away; his conditioning was too deep.

“You set me free,” he whimpered even as his body continued to thrust into Iason’s hand.

“Is that to be your mantra now?” Iason smirked. “Your defense against me, every time I touch you?”

“I...” Riki’s hands gripped Iason’s shoulders as the Blondie continued to fondle him. “Let me go.”

Iason pulled Riki closer so that his lips were against the mongrel’s ear. “Never. I will never let you go. You had your chance, pet, and you chose to stay. Now you are mine...”

At the word pet, Riki wrenched himself away so hard that he toppled backwards and landed on his ass beside the bed. “Fuck you!” he snarled and scrambled to his feet. “I said I would stay to help, but not as your pet! You set me free. I am not your pet, Iason, and I never will be again!”

Katze appeared in the doorway, just as Riki shoved past him and ran down the stairs. He looked at Iason who had, on instinct, tossed back his covers and tried to rise, then suddenly remembered he could no longer chase after Riki.

The former furniture rushed forward to prevent Iason from falling. “Careful.”

He got Iason settled back on the bed but could tell the Blondie was in turmoil, something that he had never witnessed before.

When Cal had advised that morning that Riki was gone, Iason had simply nodded. He’d allowed them to assist him in dressing and getting him his hover chair, and then he ordered them both away. The rest of the day had been spent staring out his window, refusing to eat or sleep. Iason kept his vigil, as if willing Riki to reappear at any moment.

Katze had waited nearby and watched his master, leaving only to check on the necessary things that required his attention. It frightened him to see Iason so still, so expressionless, reacting to nothing and no one, just staring out that damn window.