Chapter 10: What Is Real?

Riki’s body was on fire, he felt like something was lodged in his throat, something hard and horrible that he couldn’t expel. What was happening to him? What the hell was happening to him? He could feel the object inside him moving, up, up then out of his chest, into his throat and finally it was free, and he could breathe again! He could breathe but he still couldn’t see. Iason! Iason! Was this death? Was he fated to just relieve all his worst memories and mistakes forever more?

“Motherfucker.”

Guy glanced up and grinned at Riki who stepped through their small window onto the fire escape where Guy was hanging their meager laundry to dry. “What?”

“You fucking grew again!” When he had first met Guy, a little over a year ago, the boy was pencil thin and only came up to his shoulders. Now, Riki’s head barely topped Guy’s shoulders and the kid, who was two years older than him, had managed to replace his waif-like body with one of hard, solid muscle.

He tugged hard on the tail Guy kept his hair in. “If I’d known you were gonna do this, I would have left you in the fucking park!”

“You could always cut me off at the knees if it bothers you that much,” Guy offered as he hung Riki’s only spare shirt over the line. He turned suddenly, stepped forward and caused Riki to step back, as the landing was barely the size of a postage stamp. “Or, you could just keep me on your knees when I’m around you.” He knelt and reached for the fastener of Riki’s jeans.

“I ... could do that, yeah.” Riki pushed Guy’s hands away. “Not out here, pervert.” He smirked and climbed back through the window, watching as the taller boy followed.

Originally when he had agreed to let Guy stay with him it had been only as a temporary fix, to give the kid a break and keep him out of trouble. Riki was so used to being on his own that it was odd for him to come home to a home cooked meal and the scent of fresh laundry. Guy managed to make a meal out of any old thing he could scrounge, and it would actually taste pretty good.

If Riki needed cigarettes Guy fetched them, if he wanted a drink, Guy fetched it. He started to use Guy as a messenger as well, and before long everyone knew that the kid worked for Riki. Guy had a strange effect on him, it was as if the light and purity inside of Guy levelled out the dark cynicism inside, and himself, and he found himself getting involved in more disputes and helping more people, since he’d been with Guy.

Riki had taken on men much older and larger than he was and he garnered a reputation as a fighter. He taught Guy to fight, so he wouldn’t be constantly worried about him, and in return Guy helped build up Riki’s reputation. He also taught Guy to read better, who had only a minimum understanding of words.

Everyone called him Riki the Dark now, and rather than continue to fight against it, Riki embraced the name, it suited him like the dark clothes he preferred to wear. More people came to him, asking for favors, for protection, and Guy suggested that he offer such services only if they had something to trade. Sometimes, that was smokes or booze, other times specific food items that Guy might want to use for meals.

A lot of the time, mongrels would offer sex as a trade for a favour, but Riki always declined. He’d had to prostitute himself a when he was still in Guardian, because he’d had nothing else to offer, but he hated it every time. He hated owing someone even more, so there had been no other choice to make. But now, he and Guy were better established, and so he didn’t usually have to resort to such tactics.

Most times it was return favors, which was the true currency in Ceres. When you owed someone a debt it was as good as money in the hand, and that person who owed you the debt could not refuse when the stake was called in. For Riki, he had paid his share of debts, and was now, for the first time, debt free. He owed no one, but many people owed him.

Guy suggested they expand their market and brought Riki the names of those few he thought could be trusted. Gangs were a huge thing in the slums, if you weren’t part of a gang, you were nothing and got eaten up by everyone, but all the gangs were small time, constantly warring on one another, betraying one another, eating one another. Riki was tired of it, so he and Guy decided to start their own gang, and soon, Bison was born. It took them no time at all to rise in the ranks as the head gang in Ceres, with Riki the Dark as their leader.

Riki dropped down on the bed and Guy crawled between his legs. He hadn’t really considered taking Guy as a pairing partner, he’d only said that so others would leave him alone, but the more time he spent with Guy the more he liked him. He had become Riki’s first real friend, and he knew that Guy really would give his life for him, if it came to it. Guy was the first person Riki had ever trusted, ever cared about other than himself, and since everyone had started to think of Guy as his partner, Riki no longer corrected them.

They hadn’t done much regarding sex, just every now and then Guy would suck him or jerk him off, and occasionally, Riki would do the same for Guy. It was a mutual need, mutual relief kind of situation. It wasn’t like they were in love or anything.

He closed his eyes as Guy’s mouth claimed him, and gently laid his hand over Guy’s bobbing head. “You’re ... getting really ... good at that.”

“Why, thank you.” Guy grinned up at him. “Practice does make perfect.”

“Yeah, so it seems.” It felt good, Riki thought as he watched his friend, his partner going down on him. Guy always looked so happy when he was doing this, so into it. He felt himself swell inside Guy’s mouth and realized that he wanted to do more. For the first time, he wanted to have sex with Guy.

“Hey?”

Guy looked up at him.

“Let’s do it.”

Guy released him with a quiet pop and gaped. “Do ... it?”

“Yeah. You know, fuck.” Riki chewed on the inside of his cheek, wondering if maybe he’d made the wrong choice.

“Okay,” Guy answered and lifted to kiss Riki. “Okay.” He pushed Riki back onto the mattress, his kiss became more passionate, more fervent even as he struggled to remove his shirt.

He was being carried; he could feel strong arms around him but nothing else. He wanted to open his eyes but couldn’t. There were no sounds, no smells, just the feel of being in someone’s arms. Was this what death was like? Was he to be riddled with memories of his past with only these brief, frighteningly barren respites? Where was Iason? Did Blondies go to the same place upon death? Did they have a soul?

Riki awoke slowly, reluctantly and immediately noticed two things; one, that he was naked and the second, that he was starving. A deliciously cool breeze was blowing across his back, causing him to shiver slightly.

“Guy,” he rasped, his voice sounded strange, even to him. “Left the window ... open.”

His hands wandered across soft, silken sheets and then something impeded his motion. Looking up, he noticed his arm was attached to a tube, and the tube was attached to a clear bag of liquid on a rack above him. What the hell? He lifted his head slowly. This wasn’t his bed, or his apartment. His drowsy eyes tried to focus on the expensive furniture in the room, as he slowly sat up.

The room was large and spacious, decorated in deep pastels. The walls were a soft brown colour, and the ceiling was a rich butter. Turning his face towards the breeze he saw two balcony doors standing open, a lace of white blowing gently against them from the breeze outside. As he inhaled, a familiar scent drifted towards him. Was that ... the ocean?

It came back to him hard and swift. A tall, beautiful blonde ... a young boy ... torture ... humiliation, sex ... a pet! He was a pet! No! Set me free damn you! I belong to no one! Guy! Betrayal ... No ... no ... pain! God, so much pain! Fire, flames ... darkness ... Iason!

“Iason!” he croaked, holding his head at the assault of memories.

Dana Bahn! Guy had taken him to Dana Bahn, had cut off the pet ring, laid a trap for Iason then blew up the building. Iason, his legs, he was hurt ... He’d died. Hadn’t he died? He’d gone back into the fire, back to Iason. He wasn’t willing to let the Blondie die alone, not after Iason had saved him; saved Guy. They’d smoked a cigarette, to let them sleep and bring on death sooner. So, what was he doing here?