cv andrews: Stories

My boss, Nate, who I really like, invites me to his house to meet his cute wife, Sandy, and his 14-year-old daughter, Tara - who I find out has had a crush on me since she was 10.

My boss's daughter, Tara, has become my serious girlfriend. Then Tara's parents announce that they want to have another child and they can't do it on their own so with Tara's support I happily undertake the job! Years later, Tara invites a friend from yoga class over - and it turns out to be my old college girlfriend! More amazing, her husband turns out to be the boy who took Tara to the prom years before.

It's 7:30 on a November night and it's pouring rain and I was supposed to start driving to L.A. two hours ago when I see the flashers up ahead. They're so weak I'm not even sure they're on, but then I see the car, which turns out to be a faded old pickup truck. And then I see the woman, standing there by the truck, waving her arms, soaking wet, looking like a drowned rat. What would you do … ?

I'm standing in line at the frozen custard stand at the carnival when I become aware of someone standing "close" to me. Then the "someone" - who turns out to be a young girl - moved, just a little, so that now she's standing almost beside. Then I hear her say, "That ice cream sure looks good, doesn't it? Bet you'd like to buy me a cone, wouldn'tcha, Mister?"

"My mom's got a crush on you." That's what my best friend Richie said one night when we were just hanging out in my back yard. "Davey, my mother's got a serious crush on you” Of course I was sure he was just clowning around, fucking with me just for the heck of it. I mean, sure, I'd known Richie's mom for ages, since we were seven and in the second grade, and yeah, she's real cute and I've seen her in a bikini and she's got a great body and stuff. But, c'mon – Richie's mom...?

The Mexican landscaper invites me for dinner at his house, with his loving wife, his sweet, beautiful 14-year-old daughter – and him.

Their Ukrainian guide takes Janey & Lauren and their fathers Matt & Paul to a private club in Kiev that specializes in "specialized performances" for customers with "exotic" sexual tastes - plus some audience participation by Lauren and Janey! Later we find out that there was a period in Paul's stunning mother-in-law Georgia's past when she considered immersing herself in that life. Turns out, that feeling never quite left her.

I'm just a skateboard rat hanging out at the mall when a well-dressed woman sits down next to me and asks me if I'd like to try out for a movie they were making.

A precocious young girl and the nice-guy neighbor have been friends since her family moved in 7 years ago. Now she's older and she's decided that neighbor is going to be her man. A power outage gives her the opportunity to spend a weekend--alone--with him, and she sets out to make her plan happen. And he finds out that she is smart, and funny, and adorable, and loving, and curious, and adventurous--and a bit perverse.

For years I've had a thing for my petite, sexy grandmother. Turns out she had her eye on me, too. A day and evening of severe storms and airline chaos gave my petite, sexy grandmother the opportunity to introduce her grandson to the wonders of grownup sex.