Our Halloween Writing Contest is coming up soon. Start Writing! [ Dismiss ]
Home Β» Forum Β» Editors/Reviewers Hangout

Forum: Editors/Reviewers Hangout

What do you think of this sentence?

Mat Twassel 🚫

Running across the room, he opened the window.

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@Mat Twassel

How could he open the window while running across the room?

Running is present tense but opened is past tense. Did he run so fast he moved backwards in time?

irvmull 🚫

@Mat Twassel

Nothing wrong with it. That's the way people talk.

You could write: "After running across the room, he opened the window." That would be correct, and pedantic readers would be less un-pleased.

Since they are impossible to please, why bother?

Write for people who have the ability - nay, the intelligence - to enjoy a story without having to validate the correctness of every sentence using the Chicago Manual of Style.

Replies:   Jim S  Vincent Berg
Jim S 🚫

@irvmull

You could write: "After running across the room, he opened the window." That would be correct, and pedantic readers would be less un-pleased.

If considering opposition to this form of English pedantic, well, consider me a pedant. Gladly. Sister Mary Discipline back at my high school would have broken out the metal (not wooden) ruler if anyone ever wrote something like that in her English Comp class.

With all due respect, irv.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Jim S

No matter how pedantic, I'm sure everyone understands what the author intended therefore the sentence achieves its objective. Yet it's possible to construct a perfectly grammatical sentence that would take a genius to unravel.

Sometimes it feels like the tail is wagging the dog.

AJ

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Sometimes it feels like the tail is wagging the dog.

Only the dog would feel that.

:)

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@joyR

@awnlee jawking

Sometimes it feels like the tail is wagging the dog.


Only the dog would feel that.

I don't know about that. It's painful enough when my dog whacks me in the leg with his wagging tail. If the tail was wagging the dog...

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Dominions Son

my dog whacks me in the leg with his wagging tail

Or at least you hope that's the appendage he's using ... ;-)

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Or at least you hope that's the appendage he's using ... ;-)

He's fixed.

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@Dominions Son

He's fixed.

Then he's justified in whacking you with it..!!

:)

Vincent Berg 🚫

@irvmull

You could write: "After running across the room, he opened the window." That would be correct, and pedantic readers would be less un-pleased.

Personally, I'd use the following:

Rushing across the room, he paused to open the window.

Unless you live in a gymnasium, and your living room contains a circular running track, I can't possibly envision anyone actually 'running' across a room. Thus, 'hurry' and/or 'rushing' seem more appropriate. But you need to transfer from the one act to the next (by the way, there's nothing at all unusual about have present and past tenses in the same sentences, as long as they're properly separated from each other. However, in this case, the present-tense 'running' directly contradicts the past-tense 'opened'.

@Mat_Tasswell

Reading a novel by Louise Penny, the introductory participial phrase made me cringe.

Actually, I do that quite frequently myself. I learned, some time ago why tying to fit lengthy descriptions into SOL's tight restrictions, that I can shave a significant amount of space by shifting certain sentence fragments to present tense. So now, whenever I need to shave some space on overly long sentences/paragraphs, I routinely alternate tenses. But the problem in this example isn't the present/past, it's the missing transitional phrasing.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Vincent Berg

(by the way, there's nothing at all unusual about have present and past tenses in the same sentences, as long as they're properly separated from each other

Aside from separation, I would think sequencing is an issue. Having past tense actions follow present tense actions in a single sentence would seem odd and/or confusing.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Mat Twassel

Running across the room, he opened the window.

That's wrong.

He can't be running across the room and opening the window at the same time.

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@Switch Blayde

He can't be running across the room and opening the window at the same time.

Maybe the window opening mechanism is triggered by pressure plates? Or the room is 'balanced', so his running changes the balance thereby causing the window to open.

:)

Without context it's impossible to know for certain, so on face value it's just an example of bad writing. Or as you put it. Wrong.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Mat Twassel

put the word 'After' at the start of the sentence or it implies he opened the window while he was running.

Quasirandom 🚫

@Mat Twassel

That grammatical structure is only used for simultaneous actions in English, and those are not simultaneous. Ernest has one easy fix; another is "He ran across the room, then opened the window."

Replies:   Mat Twassel
Mat Twassel 🚫

@Quasirandom

That's always been my understanding. But more and more often I find this sort of thing in published novels. Lately I've been reading a lot of the novels by Louise Penny, who uses this questionable construction quite frequently.

Maybe it's not quite as egregious as the introductory participial phrase that doesn't modify the subject of the sentence.

Reading a novel by Louise Penny, the introductory participial phrase made me cringe.

Replies:   Quasirandom  joyR
Quasirandom 🚫

@Mat Twassel

That last example isn't very good either, but it's better than the original.

joyR 🚫

@Mat Twassel

Lately I've been reading a lot of the novels by Louise Penny, who uses this questionable construction quite frequently.

A modern "Penny Dreadful" ?

:)

Switch Blayde 🚫
Updated:

@Mat Twassel

Running across the room, he opened the window.

Of course the simplest rewrite is:

He ran across the room and opened the window.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Switch Blayde

He ran across the room

Just idle musing, but doesn't that imply the room is large? How soon after a standing start can someone be said to be running?

AJ

Replies:   Switch Blayde
Switch Blayde 🚫

@awnlee jawking

He ran across the room

Just idle musing, but doesn't that imply the room is large?

The incorrect sentence had "running" so I changed it to "ran."

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Switch Blayde

My musing applies whether it's 'ran' or 'running'.

Sprinters use blocks because it takes more time to get into a run from a standing start.

AJ

graybyrd 🚫

@Mat Twassel

Considering the surveys that state half of America is functionally illiterate, and most of the rest read at a 6th Grade level ... does it really matter?

Meanwhile we'll hope he opened the window before jumping through it.

Replies:   joyR  Switch Blayde  anim8ed
joyR 🚫

@graybyrd

Meanwhile we'll hope he opened the window before jumping through it.

Indeed, otherwise he could be in a lot of panes...

:)

Switch Blayde 🚫

@graybyrd

Considering the surveys that state half of America is functionally illiterate, and most of the rest read at a 6th Grade level ... does it really matter?

Absolutely. Why add to the illiteracy?

The most common tip for new authors is to read, read, read. That doesn't help when what they're reading is filled with grammar errors.

Instead of educating people, we have grown accustomed to saying: Everyone's doing it that way so let's make it acceptable.

anim8ed 🚫

@graybyrd

Those are some scary statistics but not terribly surprising. When I was at Boot Camp they tested our reading level. What scared the crap out of me was the guy that was in the nuclear power program tested at a 3rd grade level. I am pretty sure the manuals are written at a much higher level. I never learned if he ever completed his training.

Replies:   graybyrd  Remus2
graybyrd 🚫

@anim8ed

You just confirmed what I always believed: Homer Simpson working at a nuclear power plant was NOT a fiction TV series, but a documentary.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@graybyrd

You just confirmed what I always believed: Homer Simpson working at a nuclear power plant was NOT a fiction TV series, but a documentary.

It doesn't get really scary until you realize they were trying to put a positive spin on it. :)

Remus2 🚫

@anim8ed

I am pretty sure the manuals are written at a much higher level. I never learned if he ever completed his training.

I'm reasonably certain the program Rickover put together would washout such a person.

traddis 🚫

@Mat Twassel

running across the room and reaching the window, he opens it, and falls out, aaaaahhh, thump.

richardshagrin 🚫

@Mat Twassel

What do you think of this sentence?

Its better than a long time in jail.

"senΒ·tence
/ˈsen(t)Ι™ns/

See definitions in:

Grammar
Logic
Law
noun
1.
a set of words that is complete in itself, typically containing a subject and predicate, conveying a statement, question, exclamation, or command, and consisting of a main clause and sometimes one or more subordinate clauses.
2.
the punishment assigned to a defendant found guilty by a court, or fixed by law for a particular offense.
"her husband is serving a three-year sentence for fraud"
Similar:
judgment
ruling
pronouncement
decision
determination
decree
verdict
punishment
prison term
prison sentence
jail sentence
penal sentence
life sentence
suspended sentence
time
stretch
stint
porridge
rap
bird
verb
declare the punishment decided for (an offender).
"ten army officers were sentenced to death"
Similar:
pass judgment on
impose a sentence on
pronounce sentence on
mete out punishment to
punish
convict
condemn
doom
Definitions from Oxford Languages"

Back to Top

Close
 

WARNING! ADULT CONTENT...

Storiesonline is for adult entertainment only. By accessing this site you declare that you are of legal age and that you agree with our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.