I am self-editing a story that I hope to post just after Thanksgiving. However, I am stuck on this one paragraph.
I like many bits of it, but it is too wordy, and over-all something seems off, at least to me.
The young woman had been reclining on a couch in a languid pose, her feet tucked under legs; until she had contorted herself to look at me. I took a moment to check her out. She was significantly better attired than the others in the room. She wore what appeared to be quality black slacks, accented by a black leather belt with a silver and turquoise buckle. A form fitting teal cashmere sweater accentuated a firm bust, each the size of half a cantaloupe. Teal contrasted well with her fiery ginger hair. Her fair complexion was enhanced by a subtle application of cosmetics, adding a touch of color to her cheeks, enhancing her blue-green eyes (I couldn't quite tell), and making her eyelashes lush. I would bet that her cosmetics concealed freckles, typical of redheads. Her ginger mane was simply, but elegantly coiffed.
It would be easiest for people to post suggestions in this thread. Thank you.
Even after I post the story, I would appreciate any suggestions. I could either Update my story; or just learn some ways to improve my writing.
