Need help on a story that I'm currently writing. Need someone to read it and tell me if I need to give it up or what I should change. It's my first try at this, so just asking.
Thanks,
Flav
Need help on a story that I'm currently writing. Need someone to read it and tell me if I need to give it up or what I should change. It's my first try at this, so just asking.
Thanks,
Flav
It would help if you told us a little about the story. Like the categories you'd apply if posting it here. This way, people can decide whether they would be interested in reading it for you.
Why don't you click on your story in whatever program you use, select all text, copy the text and then post in a reply to this thread. The site back end will chop off the excess, but the remaining text will give us all something to have a look at.
This way, we can all (should we choose) have a gander and provide our thoughts.
If memory serves right, you can fit about ten single Word pages into a forum post.
Well, this was certainly unpleasant.
While I'm quite certain Flav's story would appeal to many folks, it references 14 year-olds, which is potentially a heck of a squick for some, might even be triggering. Personally, I don't even like seeing the codes for such things, much less the actual text of the story as I consider it underage porn (which is another kettle of fish that we need not discuss here). It's one of my main pet peeves about SoL's main page -- there is no way to even filter stories such as this from the feed on the main page. I personally don't even like _seeing_ this sort of thing and much prefer to use tools to filter it out -- and so I avoid the main home page. Now, due to this "suggestion", the text was posted with zero warning or potential codes for everyone to see and no opportunity to filter. I much preferred Sarkasmus' suggestion here. Tell us about the story, especially including the codes and the potential triggers instead of foisting it unfiltered into the thread. Let potentially interested editors get in touch with the author rather than posting it dangerously. Especially if it contains underaged references, regardless of the "legality" of it in the SoL world.
Regardless of squickage, personally it seems like a poor idea to encourage authors to "post" their stories into the somewhat uncontrolled forums, even a forum meant for editors. Soon we'll be wading through wads of unsolicited story text in here looking for feedback when private editing is almost certainly more appropriate.
Further to the above. If one reviews the forum posting rules:
6. Please do not post story submissions to the forums. You may post short snippets (less than 3 paragraphs or so) for discussion. Full stories should be posted through the submission wizard.
Many people thoroughly enjoy recreational drugs. I do not. But I'm not going to dictate to them on how they live their life.
I appreciate that there is a risk that people are going to read objectionable (to them) content if posted to the forums. But you are under no constraints to read that content. If you see content that you feel to be objectionable, or is going to be, then stop. It's that easy. No one is requiring you to read the entire post.
There are advantages to conversing via PM as opposed to forum posts, however, forum posts allow people to see others critiques without spending the time on replies that could well be duplicated by others without their knowledge, if sent blind via PM.
I much preferred Sarkasmus' suggestion here. Tell us about the story, especially including the codes and the potential triggers instead of foisting it unfiltered into the thread. Let potentially interested editors get in touch with the author rather than posting it dangerously.
The problem with that, is it doesn't tell any potential editor about the standard of literacy by the poster and the amount of work that editor is going to have to do, in order to make the finished story readable. Potential editors can read that snippet and make up their own mind as to whether or not they wish to help. That alone saves everyone the initial 'back and forth' time. Or indeed the need to reply with a polite "Sorry, not interested" in response to the story being sent by PM. Though my experience of doing so in the past, revealed a stunningly large portion of editors (here) who will not even reply to an enquiry with the simple "Not interested" resulting in an extended wait for a reply that you eventually realise will never be forthcoming.
As you admit, this is a forum for editors, so a bit of common sense should alert you to the fact that untagged excepts of stories are going to be posted by individuals seeking advice, along with content that may be objectionable to you. Very much like if you were allergic to nuts, then taking a wander around a nut processing facility without PPE would not be advisable.
As you admit, this is a forum for editors, so a bit of common sense should alert you to the fact that untagged excepts of stories are going to be posted by individuals seeking advice, along with content that may be objectionable to you. Very much like if you were allergic to nuts, then taking a wander around a nut processing facility without PPE would not be advisable.
While this place might resemble a nut factory in more ways than one, you have failed to address the simple fact that large excerpts from potentially objectionable or even non-objectionable stories regardless of that content are forbidden into this particular factory. The only PPE available in this case is to avoid completely, just like I must reluctantly do for the main page, despite the fact that a simple technological solution exists. This is Lazeez's site and he chooses to expose folks to everything on the main page. I accept that -- don't agree with it -- but I don my PPE like a responsible reader despite the fact that I shouldn't have to. But here, I didn't know that I was in a nut factory because the sign on the door says no nuts and I had no idea that anyone would be advocating that nuts should be strewn about the place despite the rules. Sure, I can stop reading underage porn at any point, and certainly did as soon as it became apparent, but the point is, this shouldn't be a nut factory and folks shouldn't be advocating otherwise, so says the forum rules as I pointed out and you conveniently ignored in your zeal to point out so-called "common sense". Flav has done the responsible thing and removed the offending excerpt (much appreciated) and even though I despise his themes and tired tropes in his writing, I still hope he gets feedback in an appropriate manner though I will don my PPE when adequately warned and personally never read his work.
But common sense ought to alert editors that encouraging authors to ignore published rules, even in what I'm certain is a good-intentioned attempt to provide feedback in an efficient manner, is clearly not the answer either.
Is there a case for two more forum types, specifically for authors to post story samples for others to critique? I was thinking of one for anything goes, within the site rules, and t'other for stories conforming to Finestories rules ie safe for work.
AJ
You keep harking back to rule number 6."Please do not post story submissions to the forums. You may post short snippets (less than 3 paragraphs or so) for discussion. Full stories should be posted through the submission wizard."
The OP wasn't posting a story, it wasn't a story submission, it was an excerpt for advice and an opinion of an editor. Which was (is) entirely within the remit of this forum.
It's a shame you couldn't put as much effort into helping the OP as you have in telling us all how offended you are/were. It may come as a shock to you, but we don't care that you were offended. In fact, Stephen Fry sums it up rather nicely in the following clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzdpxKqEUAw
The OP wasn't posting a story, it wasn't a story submission, it was an excerpt for advice and an opinion of an editor. Which was (is) entirely within the remit of this forum.
I don't know if you are purposefully being selective or not, but the rule clearly states that short snippets of less than 3 paragraphs are OK for discussion, which you continue to fail to address. You clearly provided instructions to a fledgling author on how to post 10 pages of "snippet" which is clearly in violation. There is no exception to the rule for forums such as this, regardless of your perception of remit or your perception of the intention of the rule. The rule has clarification for a reason, I'm sure, to prevent 10 pages of uncoded text being introduced into any forum. Had Flav posted a nice summary with codes, a polite request for feedback and 3 paragraphs as a sample, or if this had even been the original suggestion, I would never have introduced a discussion of the appropriateness of that approach here, regardless of how I feel about the tropes and/or themes of his writing. I would have read it, decided I had no wish to help any author writing underaged porn and moved on -- I wouldn't respect his choices in what he writes about, but neither would I have mentioned the unpleasantness of the experience. Instead, we got an inappropriate post, a post pointing out that the rules had been broken and a large amount of potentially triggering material posted and then a rambling defence of the inappropriate suggestion all while conveniently ignoring the rules of the forums.
Honestly, I never expected anyone to care about my "offence" mostly because I wasn't offended at all -- despite your assumptions about me, I know enough to stop reading when I encounter this sort of content. But I also recognise that others who might have actually experienced this sort of abuse in real life might not be as fortunate as I and experienced a totally avoidable trigger. Unlike yourself, and if your "we don't care" is any indication perhaps the entire population of this forum, I actually do care about others and how they may feel. People can write whatever tripe they want, especially around here; however, encouraging posting a large segment of it into a forum without warning in the way of codes and flouting the rules just because someone believes it is "more efficient" and admitting to care little for anyone else's discomfort, seems selfish and inconsiderate at best, downright irresponsible at worst. C'est la vie. Perhaps we must simply agree to disagree since you seem bent on trying to justify a clear violation of the site rules, which I cannot agree with for reasons already posted.
At least another opinion on the matter has been aired and hopefully future authors will also choose to stay conservatively within the boundaries of the rules despite being encouraged otherwise. I suspect most haven't even read the forum rules for posting. Flav certain admitted to ignorance, but at least had the good grace to accept the rule and voluntarily remove his post. I'm quite sure his original posting actions were totally unintentional and assumed that the original "suggestion" to do so wasn't advising breaking of established rules. Even if I don't respect his choice in subject matter, I can appreciate his prompt remedial actions once the situation was clarified.
Thanks for your input, I will go back through it and make changes. Some of what you suggest like the not being able to judge a woman's measurements. That falls into things that will come out later, as to why he can, just like his height and weight. The challenges will happen, just not in the part you read.
removed the in-question post of the story. My apologies for not reading the rule. will not happen again. I would however still appreciate any advice.
"Those were the words I heard as I was in the process of taking the woman that was like my mother." Not very clear, doesn't read very well. Try something along the lines of 'As I was in the process of being balls deep in the woman who was like a mother to me.'
What's with all the ";'s" Just use a simpler full stop.
""Hi, I'm Toni Jean" everyone calls me TJ." The quotation mark is in the wrong place. It should be after TJ
Way too many 'I's. Try and phrase things so you don't keep saying 'I' this and 'I' that…
"Her measurements were 38/26/34" Not many 14 year olds can judge a woman's size by a look. Try explaining how she looks rather than info dumping stats on the reader.
"At 12 I was already taller than he was, I was five foot nine inches tall" That's freakishly tall for that age, by the time he comes out of puberty, he's going to be near seven feet tall.
"I grew up going to school." That's messy, borderline horrible. Try, 'As I grew up, I took online college alongside my school work.'
"At thirteen and a half I was six-foot two and 235, all muscle." The percentage of thirteen year olds like that in reality, is less than one percent of the population.
Gpop, is that you I asked? Yes, he replied. No quotation marks.
"did I mention I'm Smart" I cringed when I read that. Show don't tell.
When you started describing your character as basically being Thor, I switched off. I'm not interested in reading about a character who rolled genetic sixes when the tadpole went swimming. Halfway through the story I had the protagonist down as an insufferable cunt.
I wouldn't read any more of this if it were longer, simply because the character is too preposterous. You need to give your character flaws. You need to give him challenges to overcome. Challenges that will help make him the individual he is going to be. Your characters need work and their life choices should reflect their personalities.