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Jack Spratt's latest Blog


Jack is looking for Villain names. Here is my email to him to get you started thinking what would help him out. Don't send him any fat names, Jack Spratt could eat no fat...

Villain name: Lubrican might object to Bob. And alternate that fits the thief potential for villainy would be Rob. Of course that isn't the palindrome that Bob is. Another palindrome is Otto, which has that Germanic flavor that villains had in the 1940s.

Is there an author you don't like and would be happy to offend? You could use his name or part of one. Dead Earnest cross references Ernest Bywater aka Ernest Edwards. He lives in Australia so is unlikely to pursue you physically. Someone uses L. Sprague Campbell, you could reverse the references and use John W. de Camp.

If you want to go for a pun directly something like Master Bader might do the job. Or give him a rank, like General Confusion. There are lots of Generals, not just motors and electric and mills, but General Retreat and General Hospital. General Principal or is it Principle? is still in use by a SOL author. Captain America might not work, there is comic book history working against you. Perhaps Captain Canada? Or Captain Mexico? Perhaps something Arab or Muslim would fit the current terrorist as villain theory. Caliph or Sheik something. Caliph California has some phonetic symmetry, and people in Washington (state) are happy to blame California for anything.

Other officer ranks might help. Major Malfunction is a possibility. Major Erection would fit in a porn story. Rear Admiral of the lower half (Navy for one star general although he gets two on his shoulders) has possibilities that haven't been explored often. Anal stories, probably.

Private Person may not be a high enough rank for a Major Villain. Mister X probably works for a first draft. I am sure other correspondents will have far more suitable names.

Speaking of suits, consider "Robert Hall this season will show you the reason, low overhead, low overhead." I think they went out of business years ago, and Robert includes Rob as a clue. I recommend you use Robert Hall as your villain. It might work as a dormitory if you don't like it for the villain.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son


If you want to go with military personnel:

Private Number
Corporal Punishment
Sargent Majors
Sargent Atarms
Lieutenant Landlord
Major General
Major Catastrophe
General Specific

Commodore Atari
Admiral Sinker

awnlee jawking

Here are 30 Villains:

1 Pierluigi Gollini (G) Italy
13 Jed Steer (G) England
31 Mark Bunn (G) England
41 Brad Watkins (G) England
2 Nathan Baker (D) England
4 Micah Richards (D) England
6 Tommy Elphick (D) England
7 Leandro Bacuna (D)
12 James Chester (D) Wales
21 Alan Hutton (D) Scotland
23 Jordan Amavi (D) France
27 Ritchie de Laet (D) Belgium
28 Aly Cissokho (D) France
8 Aaron Tshibola (M) England
15 Ashley R Westwood (M) England
22 Gary Gardner (M) England
25 Mile Jedinak (M) Australia
37 Albert Adomah (M) Ghana
38 Jordan Lyden (M) Australia
40 Jack Grealish (M) England
45 Keinan Davis (M) England
10 Jordan Ayew (F) Ghana
11 Gabriel Agbonlahor (F) England
14 Rudy Gestede (F) Benin
18 Libor Kozak (F) Czech Republic
19 Andre Green (F) England
26 Jonathan Kodjia (F) Ivory Coast
29 Rushian Hepburn-Murphy (F) England
36 Jerell Sellars (F) England
44 Ross McCormack (F)

Sorry, couldn't resist :)


Replies:   richardshagrin

@awnlee jawking

Number 7 and number 44 have no ethnicity given. Leandro sounds vaguely Italian and Ross McCormack might be Scots. Why are you sorry you couldn't resist? These are serviceable names for a Villain, much better than my Major Erection which is clearly designed to be funny rather than useful.

I suppose I am missing the joke, as usual. Does it have something to do with the letters in parentheses like G, D, M, and F? Or the numbers in front of each name?

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking


Goalkeeper, Defence, Midfield, Forward. Ross McCormack is Scottish. Leandro Bacuna is probably Dutch, being born in the Netherlands Antilles.

They comprise the first team squad of Aston Villa, nicknamed 'The Villains'.



Imagine having the name 'Lee Gay' in the military.

Private Lee Gay
General Lee Gay
Major Lee Gay

Ernest Bywater


Imagine having the name 'Lee Gay' in the military.

Every time they called parade it would come out as:

Gay, Lee

Crumbly Writer


Imagine having the name 'Lee Gay' in the military.

It's better than a guy having the name "Lez Gay"!

By the way, is "Lez Gay", less or more gay?

But at least he'd parade happily!

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@Crumbly Writer

"Lez Gay"

No problem, that would be the sister, Lez Lee Gay

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