Forum: Story Discussion and Feedback

So I'm doing a little development work on what will be a pretty long story 30+ years. I have one person I'm in correspondence with about ideas etc. but today I went through my premier library and stumbled upon cupcake.

There are some aspects of this story Becoming Cupcake that will be slowly introduced in stages for this story. I was wondering if anyone here had read it and liked it. Right now I'm finishing my first read, but I hope to gain some insight in the reader comments at the end. the story will include major elements of mind control and body modification but the heavy stuff won't come till late in the piece with rebuilding people at a cellular level. after all it takes time to develop these kinds of technologies especially if you're doing it in secret and even some of the researchers don't know what it is exactly they're developing.

Cupcake is the only story like it that I've found so far other than some pretty serious hu-cow and pony-girl stories I've read but can't call to mind. ok just checked there's no public comments on cupcake a bit of a pity, I'm guessing it's up to you find perverts here to help me. one of the things I want to do is ratchet up the technology, trauma, totality and over all severity of the changes made to the girls in these stories but I also want there to be reasons for everything, not just cos it was cool or I wanna to. the last few episodes will get quite dark and people may end up not liking the MC but i do promise he gets redemed at the end when he finally puts together all the other lessons he's learned besides do it cos it's cool or he wanted to.

what I'm looking for is either more story examples I can read to learn what works and what doesn't and a bit of a discussion on the pitfalls of such a style of story. I do promise that everything done is towards a noble aim. It just gets hijacked by a horny 14 year old boy in the process.

Best wishes F.

Ratings are close to 5, which indicates a lot of readers who rated this authors stories didn't care for them. If you want a low score, continue to follow the lead of "The Mayor of Cherish."

I only mentioned that particular one as I came across it in my library. That's also why I asked for other recommendations. As I said there will be a redemption in the end, though I only have very vague ideas as to how that's going to work.

As things progress the MC is untouchable and has no guide but his own stunted moral compass. this stunting is partially due to his years immediately before the story starts. It could always be worse, the story could be about his Uncle who raised him who by any measure is a sociopath. of the highest order. one of the things I want to touch on is power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. it's a trope but it's valid in this story.

what happens when a 14 year old is let lose with no guidance and ever increasing powers to do as he wishes. One of the things I really need to do is some history research as parts of the story go back to the 1850's or there about. I need to find key historical figures to pimp in the flashbacks when I use them, hopefully sparingly.

but rest assured he does grow a conscious and is redeemed and by some of the measures I plan as undercurrents it's worth it in the end. this one is going to be a real slow boil. I dowbut it will even be half way done by the end of this year. finishing next.

So I'm doing a little development work on what will be a pretty long story 30+ years

Not sure i want to wait 30+ years for you story to me completed. 😁 (Yes, I deliberately misinterpreted that sentence. No flames please.)