Forum: Story Discussion and Feedback

I've read both. Although i stopped reading mayhem because its still on-going. So im letting it stack up on chapters.

So the energist is like a stroke story?

There are 3 stories on the series, the 3rd one is the one where he get's a do-over, the first 2 have 'much sex' in their sexual content whilst the 3rd one only have 'some sex' so i'm a bit confused.

the first 2 have 'much sex' in their sexual content whilst the 3rd one only have 'some sex' so i'm a bit confused.

Either that, or the author is confused.

There are 3 stories on the series, the 3rd one is the one where he get's a do-over, the first 2 have 'much sex' in their sexual content whilst the 3rd one only have 'some sex' so i'm a bit confused.

He states that he wants sex to be only a minor part of the story so you are suggesting that he suffers through the first two parts to get to the third where there is slightly less (but he doesn't know in advance that the author will have a change of heart). How kind you are!

I'm not suggesting, it is literally put on there.

Look here: https://storiesonline.net/a/ALCanadian

Although my first statement was wrong, only the first one has 'much sex' the other 2 have 'some sex'.

I can't think of another doover story which has 15% of the Energis sex content so look at the doover major stories in general and you shouldn't be put off by that problem.

I don't recall it being THAT frequent, but considering I was reading it as a serial as they came out, I very well could have missed that. Of course, the bar was also set at NiS as that was the stated end goal, which put it pretty low to begin with. In retrospect it did seem to be spaced at about every second or third chapter, with some sexual sessions running multiple chapters.

I can recall reading a few other "do over" stories where the protagonist practically ends up regularly having sex with virtually everybody female in his (not so) immediate sphere of influence, including their mother and sisters(who may or may not have been their relations the first time through). So seeing something like that happen wasn't surprising, although I was expecting some of it to take until NiS was actually sprung on them. (He did draw a line at incest though)

Story started with intentions of being more, but seems to have pulled a Mr. Skin and "fast forwarded to the good parts" and largely became textual "porn with a helping a plot" something the reader feedback was likely encouraging him in as well. That might also be part of how it was abandoned besides life getting in the way, the sex got ahead of the story outline he started with.

Will a Change of Direction story do, like Burr.

https://storiesonline.net/s/47822/burr

I'd forgotten about that series.
Probably time to re-read it.

It's a shame Fable hasn't been able to complete the series; although each of the posted books is complete.

I've used the http://do-over.wikifoundry.com/ as a basis to read other do-over stories but I am kinda down on it since my story ain't listed in there.

I know juvenile on my part but pthppppthppth!

I've used the http://do-over.wikifoundry.com/ as a basis to read other do-over stories but I am kinda down on it since my story ain't listed in there.

I know juvenile on my part but pthppppthppth!

Clearly, they aren't aware of your story; become a wiki editor for that wiki and add it!

yeah, that's my problem right there.

I'd be fine if the story mentioned a book outside of SOL.

I guess it breaks my immersion when a story mentions a story on the same site i am reading the story?

Anyhow, the problem i had with energist was that it incorporated the story he read on SOL onto his own story. I can't explain it, but i just cant get into it anymore after that.

I guess it breaks my immersion when a story mentions a story on the same site i am reading the story?

I sometimes find overlooked writers this way. Of course it helps when stories are named if they are by a different writer but I have even gone back and read a few of Ernest's stories when they were referenced. You are right however in they have to be referenced properly. For general purposes just have the mc checking the site for stories or writers they enjoy without naming them. As likes and dislikes vary widely.

As long as its done properly, it will fit the character otherwise you are definitely right it ruins the story. I do admit that a quote from a story or whatever is over the limit for me, but a note as to the character reading or following a writer on a particular site can work. When they give unneeded details that it ruins the story. Its like any detailed information, enough information to look it up or research it and that works nicely. Details can and should be put as footnotes if desired or needed for obscure information or facts.

edited to add: Done right it has no more effect than saying the MC enjoyed reading the wall Street Journal or the New York Times. Sure they are named and link them to the character but their usage is in the generic area as a rule.

Maybe it's just me, but that just announces that the idiot didn't even know what city he was in until he walked on stage.

It's just you. He didn't have any idea what city he was in when he walked on stage. One word, teleprompter.

It's the same as rock stars and politicians always shouting "Hello [insert name of city they're appearing in]!", and receiving thunderous applause. Maybe it's just me, but that just announces that the idiot didn't even know what city he was in until he walked on stage.

He's in the 18th month of a 3 year world tour, the odds are he has no clue what city, or even country or continent) he's in until his stage manager gives him note as to what city to shout when he goes on stage.

In that case, instead of 'not naming names', I'd reference a fictitious story on a fictitious site. Naming a particular author sounds like you're trying to steal the authors fans by playing on their interests to the exclusion of everyone else.

Hardly fictitious; This week I came across the latest chapter in a serial which mentioned en passant "Pebbles and Bam Bam". I'm pretty sure that the writer was not the author who introduced these two characters in December 2005 on SOL in a somewhat different context. Why did he/she do it? I don't know.

I was just reading the 2nd part of the trilogy but i guess the last straw for me was when he decided to incorporate a story from SOL(NIS) into his own story.

Well, the premise of the story does allow the character to somewhat break the 4th wall by way of the Energists, which aren't being used much differently than some other stories like John and Argent(or various other tales in a comparable setup) have done, so I'll give a pass on the one-off mention of Storiesonline within the story, now if he kept bringing it up, that would be another matter.

As to the specific mention of NiS, that gets tricky, considering the Naked in School storyverse self references in that respect, as the students participate in the "Naked in School Program" so dinging a story you know is heading towards NiS for mentioning NiS is a bit odd, as failing to do that makes it not a NiS story by the criteria they normally use for inclusion on their master list as a NiS story.

I'm reading another chance by old man with a pen.

I'm confused to the premise of the story.

Was he sent back after dying? or was he sent back because of an experiment by the government?

I'm not sure that even Old Man knows the answer to that.

I'm not sure that even Old Man knows the answer to that.

I think most of his stories are just to have fun. I even remember one email from him relating to that. Thing is we really need the fun stories among other things at times.