Forum: Author Hangout

so fast it's difficult to understand

I missed that part.

Then I wouldn't write the dialogue. I'd tell the reader she said something so fast the words blended together into gibberish. And then I'd have the other person say something like, "Slow down. What'd you say?"

Maybe it depends on who the POV character is. If it's the second person and he doesn't understand, either should the reader.

But if the person speaking fast is the POV character, it's okay for the reader to know what she said even if the other character doesn't and tells her so.

It will be a cell phone call and the second person will be the POV character for that scene.

Then you can write the first person's dialogue as gibberish because that's what the 2nd person hears (the POV character). Or maybe even throw in some words he might have recognized. Or you can simply describe what the first person is saying as super fast and that the 2nd one doesn't understand. You can even get into the POV character's thoughts with something like, Did she say attacked? What the hell is she talking about? And then have him tell her to slow down.

I have the same issue with 'to' and 'too'. :(

Another one I do a lot is typing "the" when I meant "They".

They're both better than Ernest's consistent "hte" for "the". Lucky, he catches most of those before posting/publishing.

Or sue for use.

I'd sue for the ability to use sue!

"...Molly...teleport,,,"

I know the main purpose of the ellipsis is to show missing words, but in fiction it's often used as a pause so that might be misconstrued by the reader.

It might be easier and clearer to tell the reader what's happening rather than show the actual dialogue, such as:

Her voice was a blur, the words slurred as she fired them out. He caught words like Molly and teleport, but he had no idea what she was saying.

I know the main purpose of the ellipsis is to show missing words, but in fiction it's often used as a pause so that might be misconstrued by the reader.

That's not just a random standard. Readers typically pause for punctuation, and they all tend to pause the same lengths for the same punctuation marks. A comma is a momentary pause, a full stop is a long pause, a comma is a slightly longer pause, as the reader waits for the upcoming list, but an ellipsis indicates someone pausing, reflecting the speakers response, to consider what's being said and get a fell for what the message is being conveyed. By the way, the em-dash is typically the longest paused, since the aside isn't directly related to the rest of the sentence, so the readers prepares themselves for another full sentence in the middle of this one.

What's more, this doesn't vary with the readers' reading speed, and is unrelated to whether the reader actual 'verbalizes' (sounds the sentences out in their head) or not. The pauses are relative, but the relationships between them is pretty well established by a relatively young age.

I follow this in my own writing, as I factor it into how I pace my story, often times removing unnecessary commas to improve the flow and comprehension of any given passage.

the em-dash is typically the longest paused

It's usually interchangeable with a pair of commas, parentheses, or a semi-colon so that assertion isn't logical.

AJ

It's usually interchangeable with a pair of commas, parentheses, or a semi-colon so that assertion isn't logical.

Logically, and in how they're used, but the em-dash in inherently read with a greater pause. If you have any text-to-speech software, try it and see. Again, this isn't which you choose to use, it's a matter of how English speakers process the punctuation marks, which is itself based on how they're typically spoken aloud (i.e. the simpler marks take the least amount of time, the more exotic take the longest). However, I've never gotten any indication of how long one pauses for an Interobang!

If you have any text-to-speech software, try it and see. Again, this isn't which you choose to use, it's a matter of how English speakers process the punctuation marks, which is itself based on how they're typically spoken aloud

I don't (knowingly) have text-to-speech software but I've heard plenty of English speakers reading aloud. I'd say the pause before a list is the longest pause, with an em-dash sometimes rating no pause at all. That would make the context more important, and I'm not convinced text-to-speech software is yet sophisticated enough to analyse context.

AJ

How about:

"... Molly ... teleport ..."

Matt's eyes widened, as he clutched the phone to his hear, trying to figure out what she was saying. As it was, her speech was so rushed, he could only make out the occasional word.

"Slow down, Megan. Now, could you please repeat that?"

In your version, he can hardly shake your head while trying to figure out what someone's saying, as the physical act of shaking you head means you have to pull the phone away from your ear.

That said, I'd go with your first instinct, trying to indicate what she sounded like rather than explaining how it was interpreted. Just shorten the sentences and have the first speaking skip a few words. Again, she's hardly taking the time to breathe, so she's trying to get the entire thing out before gasping for breathe.

Then I wouldn't write the dialogue. I'd tell the reader she said something so fast the words blended together into gibberish.

That's the very definition of 'Show, Don't Tell'. Rather than actually giving the readers a feel for what the conversation, you're instead saying 'Ignore the actual words in the dialogue, here's what it actually means.'

If done well, readers will need NO explanation, and if you tell them constantly, it distances the reader from the story, making them more likely to quit reading altogether!

it distances the reader from the story, making them more likely to quit reading altogether!

Nothing takes a reader out of a story more than making them stop reading to figure out what the author is conveying.

You seem to be trying to make the dialog clear to the reader, but that seems antithetical to what I'm going for.

I agree. I'd drop the attribution completely, or if it's required, go with the action attribution, where it's based on physical action and not directly tied to the statement.

I'd also keep the sentences SUPER short. After all, someone speaking that fast is hardly composing complex sentences and are just saying words to fill the space. What's more, they're in a hurry, so they'd dump the headline and hope for a sharp reaction to add the relevant details.

I've always handled that by narrative or one of the characters thinking things along the lines of: John thought, 'She's so rattled she's rattling off words so fast I can't understand what she's saying.'

Again, unless you're writing first-person, TELLING readers what someone thinks is really stretching things. I've always preferred letting the characters' actions speak for them, since it's so much for effective that "he said this", or "she marveled".

In first person, it's fine to reflect internal thoughts, and you can generally get away with it occasionally even in third-person past tense, but like other literary 'tricks', its best to keep it at a minimum, so that when you DO need it, you'll get the most bang for your buck when it's most vital.

I actually like this, or would if you only capitalize the first letter. I might even draw out the last letter: dooooo!?

There's definitely a middle ground:

"Oh-my-god! Someone's attacking us!"

"Wait! Slow down. What the heck are you—"

It's much easier to read, you get an idea of how fast she's speaking without belaboring the point, and by keeping the passage as short as possible, you keep the dialogue tension high, giving more impact to what's actually being said.

It's your story, so the "nope" only applies to the way you see it, so do it your way.

Always. No one knows the story better than you—aside for your characters, of course! You asked, so we all get to vent, but pick the one that feels true to your story.