Forum: Author Hangout

Reading old dead tree stories

Mushroom 🚫

Recently I have been going through some of the old Beeline type paperbacks in here.

Decades ago, I read a lot of those, there was really nothing else back then if you wanted written entries longer than a Penthouse Forum letter.

And oh they are bad. I recently found one that had a line that had me rolling.

Brandy felt the heated cream gush from her snapping cuntal mouth as she slipped out of her clothes and hung them on the back of the office door.

That might make a good name for a modern punk band... "Snapping Cuntal Mouth".

Almost makes me want to run a few dozen through one of those writing algorithms and see what a computer would come up with in that style.

Replies: Dominions Son Switch Blayde

Dominions Son 🚫

@Mushroom

Almost makes me want to run a few dozen through one of those writing algorithms and see what a computer would come up with in that style.

Electro's Robo-Porn.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Mushroom

Not just the old porn. Current romance novels. I guess because they avoid using graphic words.

Just check out this site: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/romance-novel-phrases_n_7545244

stuff like: "plunging hotness penetrated" and "pressed into her sweetness" for the sex act.

CB 🚫

If you ever wondered about the story behind those Beeline books and other adult books give "My father, the Pornographer" a read. Here is a blurb... "Writer Chris Offutt struggles to understand his recently deceased father, based on his reading of the 400-plus novels his father—a well-known writer of pornography in the 1970s and 80s—left him in his will." The guy did not copy any scenes and had extensive files of "encounters" to use in his storys. He could churn them out very fast and it kept the family fed and clothed. Pretty interesting.

Replies: Switch Blayde Mushroom limab

Switch Blayde 🚫

@CB

"My father, the Pornographer"

I read that article some time ago. A good read.

Mushroom 🚫

@CB

"Writer Chris Offutt struggles to understand his recently deceased father, based on his reading of the 400-plus novels his father—a well-known writer of pornography in the 1970s and 80s—left him in his will."

The funny thing is, it makes a lot of sense. In reading them in recent years, I recognized that a lot of things in common with those books is that they almost all read like the "pulp novels" of both sci-fi, as well as westerns. Largely boilerplate characters and settings, language used is over the top. And most Bee line books were little different than say a Longarm western of the same era.

And interestingly enough, this comes right back full-circle to my own writing here. I am familiar with Andrew Offutt, having read a great many of his more traditional novels. And in my own story "Country Boy, City Girl", one of the major sub-plots deals with a game expansion that was created from the "Thieves World" series of books. And Andrew is highly connected with that series, having created and written probably the most iconic character in the series, Hans Shadowspawn.

I loved that series of books, and the character Andrew Offutt created. Not even realizing when I included that over a year ago he was a major writer of classic smut books.

To bad the "Pocketbooks" tag is no longer available in here, or I would try to find a bunch of his works and submit them here.

Of course, the same was true for Tijuana Bibles. 8 page dirty comics sold under the counter in the 1930s onward were often made by famous artists. Wesley Morse (Bazooka Joe), Will Eisner (The Spirit), and Bob Montana (Archie) are among the many artists rumored to have created those 8 page marvels of yesteryear.

Replies: Switch Blayde Ernest Bywater meangene

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Mushroom

To bad the "Pocketbooks" tag is no longer available in here

It is. But I believe it's Premier only.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@Switch Blayde

It is. But I believe it's Premier only.

I Thought is was limited to Lazeez himself, so he could make sure that what was being posted was genuinely off copyright.

Replies: Switch Blayde

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Dominions Son

I Thought is was limited to Lazeez himself, so he could make sure that what was being posted was genuinely off copyright.

Oh, I assumed that. I thought the OP was saying he couldn't search on the "novel-pocketbook" story code.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I thought the OP was saying he couldn't search on the "novel-pocketbook" story code.

To bad the "Pocketbooks" tag is no longer available in here, or I would try to find a bunch of his works and submit them here.

Replies: Switch Blayde

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Dominions Son

or I would try to find a bunch of his works and submit them here.

I missed the second part of that. I thought he meant he would find a bunch of his works on SOL (to read). My mistake.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Mushroom

To bad the "Pocketbooks" tag is no longer available in here, or I would try to find a bunch of his works and submit them here.

Two codes relate to what you mention:

Novel-Classic An old classic novel that is now in the public domain

Novel-Pocketbook An old published pocketbook novel that is not in circulation any more and the publisher has gone under, so it's not going to be published again

However, I think you'd need to prove to Lazeez that they apply if you were going to post anything under those codes.

meangene 🚫

@Mushroom

The funny thing is, it makes a lot of sense. In reading them in recent years, I recognized that a lot of things in common with those books is that they almost all read like the "pulp novels" of both sci-fi, as well as westerns.

As purely a reader I cannot agree more. I have read some of his sci-fi and fantasy books and maybe a few of his erotic stories, although I did not know it was him.

You are 100% correct tho that they are like the "pulp" fiction books of the past. I grew up on those stories and novels of the late 50's through the early to mid 70's( mostly Sci-Fi or westerns with a few detective novels thrown in) when it seemed that "Literature" took precedence over story. The thing I like about SOL is that the there are a lot of writers that write STORIES!!

I think it was JRyter who wrote " I am a teller of tails not a writer". Just like the pulp stories of old. HERE IS TO THE TELLER OF TAILS!!!!

Replies: Keet Ernest Bywater Mushroom

Keet 🚫

@meangene

HERE IS TO THE TELLER OF TAILS!!!!

Now you have me wondering how long that tail is ;)

Replies: joyR Switch Blayde

joyR 🚫

@Keet

Now you have me wondering how long that tail is ;)

It is exactly as long as it is tall when stood up. (A tall tale)

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Keet

Now you have me wondering how long that tail is ;)

I was scanning the menu on cable looking for something to watch and saw a movie called "An American Tail." I thought it was a typo until I read the description. This is the description on IMDB:

While emigrating to the United States, a young Russian mouse gets separated from his family and must relocate them while trying to survive in a new country.

Replies: Keet

Keet 🚫

@Switch Blayde

"An American Tail."

Oh, I remember that one! Don Bluth had a lot of fun animations at that time. My children liked them a lot so I saw most of them. Damn, time is going too fast...

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@meangene

HERE IS TO THE TELLER OF TAILS!!!!

As long as there aren't about wet pissed soaked tails of cows who whip it across your face while milking them by hand.

Replies: meangene graybyrd

meangene 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

Ain't that the truth. Been there done that. Did not get a t-shirt just a wet smelly face!!!!!
meanegene

graybyrd 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

"...wet pissed soaked tails of cows who whip it across your face..."

A boy was found laying unconscious in the cow plop behind the family milk cow. She stood quietly, still locked in the stanchion, idly chewing her cud, gently swinging her tail with a brick tied to it. When brought back to consciousness, the boy admitted he'd tied the brick to her tail to stop her slapping him in the face while he milked her.

Mushroom 🚫

@meangene

You are 100% correct tho that they are like the "pulp" fiction books of the past. I grew up on those stories and novels of the late 50's through the early to mid 70's( mostly Sci-Fi or westerns with a few detective novels thrown in) when it seemed that "Literature" took precedence over story. The thing I like about SOL is that the there are a lot of writers that write STORIES!!

That is very true here. However, like those old Beeline and Greenleaf books, there is a lot of trash you have to go through in here in order to find good stories.

I write mostly to tell stories, the sex is a key part of it but to me the story is more important. But to far to many it seems like they are just a short introduction before paper cutout characters with labels like "sister" or "father" are shoved into sex scenes that are more in keeping with a modern 25 minute porn script.

Teacher comes in, teacher tells student she is failing, teacher bangs student so she gets a better grade, teacher chokes and degrades student, teacher cums in student's face, the end.

Replies: madnige meangene

madnige 🚫

@Mushroom

there is a lot of trash you have to go through in here in order to find good stories.

Sturgeon's Revelation:

ninety percent of everything is crap

...but I believe the historical trend is continuing: Kipling in the 1890's said 4/5ths (80%), Sturgeon in the 1950's 90%, now it looks like 95%, so another century will bring it to about 99% of everything is crap. Going the other way, the trend looks like something was more likely to be crap than not (50%) from a bit before about 1800, IOW the industrial revolution, so maybe the Luddites had something.

Replies: Vincent Berg Dominions Son

Vincent Berg 🚫

@madnige

IOW the industrial revolution, so maybe the Luddites had something.

That's why I only read Amish pornography! ;)

Replies: bk69

bk69 🚫

@Vincent Berg

Ancient Jewish porn is better. Amish porn starts at holding hands and gets maybe as graphic as kissing.

Replies: irvmull

irvmull 🚫

@bk69

Ancient Jewish porn is better. Amish porn starts at holding hands and gets maybe as graphic as kissing.

10% of Amish families have 10 or more children. The average is seven.

I think they may be doing more than kissing. This is just a guess, mind you.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@irvmull

I think they may be doing more than kissing.

BK69 wasn't talking about what the Amish actually do, he was talking about what Amish porn would be like.

With the large average family size among the Amish, I don't think they need porn.

Replies: bk69 Mushroom

bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

he was talking about what Amish porn would be like.

Exactly.

And besides, with an average of ten kids, they're way too fucking vanilla in their sex lives, I'm betting. Doubt they've ever heard of oral, let alone anal. And...ok, they may just be into the whole D/s thing as a cultural thing, but the rest of the scene is just so unlikely...

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@bk69

Exactly.

Amish porn, and sex ed for that matter probably consists of watching the livestock breed. :)

Who needs magazines or movies when you have a live sex show going on out in the barn?

Replies: palamedes

palamedes 🚫

@Dominions Son

live sex show going on out in the barn

Most parents get that question from kids about where babies come from? .

On a farm it is what are they doing ? .

of course my answer is always simple "making me money". Then when the kids tell their parents and the parents come back confused, upset, or angry I tell them they saw the animals breeding and asked so I gave them an honest answer but if they wish to explain different then go ahead tag your it.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@palamedes

Except the kids actually living and growing up on the farm will figure out what the animals are doing quickly enough without needing their parents to explain it.

First you get tab A vs Slot B then a few weeks or months later you get babies.

Replies: palamedes

palamedes 🚫

@Dominions Son

True but what we really learned was that brought on more chores to do. More water, feed, and $h!t to shovel.

Lesson for the day KIDS mean WORK.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@palamedes

Lesson for the day KIDS mean WORK.

Tooth.

Mushroom 🚫

@Dominions Son

BK69 wasn't talking about what the Amish actually do, he was talking about what Amish porn would be like.

Oh yes baby, churn that butter for daddy!

And it's made purely for satire, but there are actually Amish porn videos out there.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@Mushroom

And it's made purely for satire, but there are actually Amish porn videos out there

Porn featuring Amish characters, not porn by/for Amish people. Not the same thing.

Replies: Mushroom

Mushroom 🚫

@Dominions Son

Porn featuring Amish characters, not porn by/for Amish people. Not the same thing.

Hence, "satire".

Nobody believes Weird Al was singing for the Amish when he remade that Stevie Wonder song and made it about them.

Dominions Son 🚫

@madnige

Going the other way, the trend looks like something was more likely to be crap than not (50%) from a bit before about 1800, IOW the industrial revolution, so maybe the Luddites had something.

Nope, prior to the industrial revolution something was more likely than not to be horse crap.

Prior to the car, people were seriously worried about streets in major cities like New York ending up buried under 6 feet or more of horse manure.

meangene 🚫

@Mushroom

You sir are correct,but I always remember that you get what you pay for. Frankly I have gotten more value in the great stories I have read on SOL than I have for paying for stories on Amazon. That is not to say that there is not pure trash on SOL or that I have not purchased good stories online. You just have to mine the gems where you can find them.

Speaking of pulp fiction just a day or two or ago I pulled up Amazon to look at something non book related. There on the front page was listed a never before published book by Robert A. Heinlein. It's blurb said it was a book that had the same people and basic premise as his "Number Of The Beat" but written a few years earlier.In more of his pulp style. I bought it.It will be published and I will receive it tomorrow. I will either get one hell of a good read or a great disappointment. You pays your money and you take your chances that is life.

meanegene

Replies: Darian Wolfe Mushroom

Darian Wolfe 🚫
Updated:

@meangene

Every now and then, I've been known to send in a "trashy story". No real character building with no hint of character motivation other than horniness.

I do it for the fun of it. What's even surprising to me is I get the occasional fan letter that states the author found some redeemable value in the story.

It backs up a thought I've had most of my life. The idea that someone who is driven to learn can find a gem in almost anything.

Still it was fun.

Mushroom 🚫

@meangene

Speaking of pulp fiction just a day or two or ago I pulled up Amazon to look at something non book related. There on the front page was listed a never before published book by Robert A. Heinlein. It's blurb said it was a book that had the same people and basic premise as his "Number Of The Beat" but written a few years earlier.

Any chance we can get an update as to how it was?

limab 🚫

@CB

"My father, the Pornographer"

Phil Foglio, artist/author of the Girl Genius graphic novels drew porn. The late Mike Resnick seemed to have a porn FACTORY (link to a Web Archived article from jophan.org)

There seems to be more mainstream authors out there that write porn at one point or another than you would think - they just rarely admit it.

Replies: Mushroom

Mushroom 🚫

@limab

Phil Foglio, artist/author of the Girl Genius graphic novels drew porn. The late Mike Resnick seemed to have a porn FACTORY

That is really nothing unusual. For years when he had a monthly comic in Dragon magazine he would tease us for over a year about a special "Sex in D&D" issue. And even then I was surprised at how far his publisher let him go in some of his illustrations.

And Piers Anthony has written some short stories and 2 novels like that as well. Of course, like many he was also a pulp writer before he finally made it big.

Mushroom 🚫

Yes, I can search them, but like many tags we can not use them when posting something.

"Lolita" is another such tag. Available to search, apparently unable to apply anymore.

Replies: Dominions Son Switch Blayde

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@Mushroom

It's because of the no characters under 14 involved in on-stage sexual situations rule that Lazeez implemented due to a change in Canadian law.

Switch Blayde 🚫
Updated:

@Mushroom

"Lolita" is another such tag. Available to search, apparently unable to apply anymore.

That's for a different reason. That was grandfathered and not allowed anymore for new stories.

joyR 🚫

On the subject of tails...

The landlord had owned his pub for fifteen years, the day that he opened a friend gave him a puppy who he named Toby as he was no bigger than a Toby Jug.

At fifteen Toby had enjoyed a good life, greeting the the regular customers, barking like crazy when one night thieves broke in. Of course he enjoyed the occasional taste of beer and was eager to taste test the pub grub whenever possible.

The landlord was sad when Toby passed away and when a regular who practised taxidermy offered to stuff and mount him, the landlord was tempted, but Toby wasn't a small dog and so the landlord asked for just his tail to be stuffed and mounted, enclosed in a nice glass case with a little engraved plaque commemorating his life.

All good dogs go to heaven, but when Toby arrived at the gates, St. Peter stopped him. "I'm sorry Toby, but I can't let you in because you're not all here, your tail remains on earth, encased, on display." Toby is somewhat nonplussed and asks if an exception cannot be made. Filled with compassion, St. Peter offers Toby a solution, he will gain the gift of speech and be returned for just one hour, if he can get back his tail, all will be well.

The landlord was just locking up as the apparition of Toby scratched at the door. Upon entering the pub the landlord was overjoyed to see his companion once again, stunned speechless when Toby spoke to explain his dilemma.

The landlord knelt down, stroked his friend gently and with tear filled eyes, he said...

"I'm sorry Toby, but I can't retail spirits after hours..."

richardshagrin 🚫

Perhaps it is obvious to everyone that tale and tail are pronounced the same but spelled differently.

Replies: meangene richardshagrin

meangene 🚫

@richardshagrin

Here Now; don't go confusing this poor dumb-ass Texan with all that litreeature stuff!

richardshagrin 🚫

@richardshagrin

tale and tail

I went on line (what a surprise) and found other alternatives. "Tell vs. Tale vs. Tail vs. Telltale"

For some reason they left out Tall.

Replies: Eddie Davidson awnlee jawking

Eddie Davidson 🚫

@richardshagrin

Thick natural curly bushes.

Being taken out to the woodshed and spanked

Amish girls going out on that coming of age ritual and getting turned out/fucked hard

There are a lot of cool scenarios I could think of with an Amish story.

The fact that they all live so close together, would probably make for some interesting interactions

awnlee jawking 🚫

@richardshagrin

For some reason they left out Tall.

and tattletale.

AJ

elevated_subways 🚫

If you see some of the old Tijuana Bible illustrations on-line, you get the felling that R. Crumb must have read them at some point,

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Forum: Author Hangout

Reading old dead tree stories

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