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Writer Humour

awnlee jawking

Active voice: I love your book.

Passive voice: Your book is loved.

Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book.

(stolen from Twitter)

AJ

Ross at Play

Active-aggressive voice: I love how you felt we needed you to write a book.

Wheezer

"Have you ever thought of writing a book?"

"No. It's a lot easier to just buy one."

Ross at Play

@Wheezer

"No. It's a lot easier to just buy one."

"No. I buy the ready-made kind.

Switch Blayde

@Wheezer

"Have you ever thought of writing a book?"


If you do, you'd be a bookie.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@Wheezer

"Have you ever thought of writing a book?"

"No. It's a lot easier to just buy one."

or

"No. It's easier writing a check at the cashier."

Crumbly Writer

@Switch Blayde

"Have you ever thought of writing a book?"

If you do, you'd be a bookie.

That would be a 'wanna be bookie'.

But since bookies are those who REALLY enjoy reading, I suspect the correct term is 'booker' (for someone who wants to write a book that they can then collect with all their others.

In that case, it would be a 'wanna be bookie booker!'

Replies:   Switch Blayde
Switch Blayde

@Crumbly Writer

That would be a 'wanna be bookie'.


He who makes "book" is called a bookie. (not that I'm a gambler)

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@Switch Blayde

He who makes "book" is called a bookie. (not that I'm a gambler)


I made a book once but it was just a fun competition - no money at stake, only pride.

AJ

joyR

Your book is perfect..!! A year long joy.

730 pages, just right for the outhouse I use once daily.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@joyR

Your book is perfect..!! A year long joy.

730 pages, just right for the outhouse I use once daily.


Except for leap years ;)

AJ

Replies:   joyR
joyR

@awnlee jawking

Except for leap years ;)


That's what fly covers are for...

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@joyR

That's what fly covers are for...


That's a relief. I'd hate for you to be two sheets to the wind, especially when you're allowed to propose ...

Evil Nigel

Replies:   joyR
joyR

@awnlee jawking

especially when you're allowed to propose ...


Allowed...??!!!

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@joyR

Allowed...??!!!


"For traditionalists, just once every four years, on February 29 (Leap Day), a woman is allowed to take her destiny in her own hands and ask a man to marry her."

https://metro.co.uk/2016/02/25/this-is-why-women-traditionally-propose-on-a-leap-day-5718135/

AJ

Replies:   joyR
joyR

@awnlee jawking

"For traditionalists, just once every four years, on February 29 (Leap Day), a woman is allowed to take her destiny in her own hands and ask a man to marry her."


I'm well aware of the tradition, it's the idea of needing 'permission' that offends. 'Allowed' forsooth..!!

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@joyR

But if the woman does the asking, how can she be sure the prospective husband's family is prepared to pay the dowry? ;)

AJ

Replies:   joyR
joyR

@awnlee jawking

Is your watch set to the correct century...??

Dowry is outdated, besides, we get far more in the divorce.....

awnlee jawking

@joyR

Is your watch set to the correct century...??


That explains it. My watch died recently and it wasn't just the battery. I bought a new one and I obviously haven't set the century hand correctly :(

AJ

Replies:   awnlee jawking
Dominions Son

@joyR

Is your watch set to the correct century...??


I forgot to wind my calendar this week. :)

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@Dominions Son

I forgot to wind my calendar this week. :)


Lay it over your shoulder and gently pat its back ;)

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@awnlee jawking

Lay it over your shoulder and gently pat its back ;)


Amusing, but:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wind
See d(1)

wind verb (3)
ˈwīnd

wound ˈwau̇nd
also winded; winding

Definition of wind (Entry 4 of 6)

transitive verb

1a obsolete : weave

b : entangle, involve

c : to introduce sinuously or stealthily : insinuate

2a : to encircle or cover with something pliable : bind with loops or layers

b : to turn completely or repeatedly about an object : coil, twine

c(1) : to hoist or haul by means of a rope or chain and a windlass

(2) : to move (a ship) by hauling on a capstan

d(1) : to tighten the spring of wind a clock

(2) obsolete : to make tighter : tighten, tune

(3) : crank

e : to raise to a high level (as of excitement or tension) —usually used with up

3a : to cause to move in a curving line or path

b archaic : to turn the course of especially : to lead (a person) as one wishes

c(1) : to cause (something, such as a ship) to change direction : turn

(2) : to turn (a ship) end for end

d : to traverse on a curving course the river winds the valley

e : to effect by or as if by curving

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@Dominions Son

d(1) : to tighten the spring of wind a clock


SIGH! I knew that's what you were alluding to.

Merriam Webster doesn't seem to have the appropriate entries for winding a baby. Don't you colonials use that expression?

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@awnlee jawking

Don't you colonials use that expression?


We call it burping the baby.

awnlee jawking

@awnlee jawking

My watch died recently and it wasn't just the battery. I bought a new one ...


On the subject of winding up timepieces, I was surprised that I was unable to find any cheap wind-up watches - they only seem to be available as expensive connoisseurs items.

What will happen after the Zombielypse, when there are no five-year-olds left alive in the Congo to mine cobalt for lithium button batteries? After a time, we won't even be able to take our own temperatures because modern digital thermometers are battery powered, analogue mercury thermometers having been banned.

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son  joyR
Dominions Son

@awnlee jawking

Mercury free analog thermometers are widely available at reasonable costs.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
joyR

@awnlee jawking

The mercury is needed to put into all those low energy light bulbs...

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@Dominions Son

In the UK, I asked at a large, national pharmacy chain and they said they didn't sell them. I found them advertised on the internet but they were double the price of digital. I guess they're not so widely available in the UK, and what counts as reasonable is subjective.

I keep asking friends to smuggle a mercury thermometer from abroad in their luggage, but they're afraid of getting arrested for it :(

AJ

awnlee jawking

@joyR

Now that halogen bulbs are being banned, we're supposed to move to LED light bulbs, which I understand are not yet fit for the purpose - problems include noise and an excess of blue-wavelength light, warmer pink shades being more expensive and less readily available :(

Still, the energy that they save offsets the energy wasted by car running-lights.

AJ

Ernest Bywater

@awnlee jawking

I keep asking friends to smuggle a mercury thermometer from abroad in their luggage, but they're afraid of getting arrested for it :(


That's odd! Down here we still have some companies handing out promos of their business with a small mercury room thermometer that's as tall as your hand built into the fridge magnet with the company details.

Dominions Son

@awnlee jawking

In the UK, I asked at a large, national pharmacy chain and they said they didn't sell them. I found them advertised on the internet but they were double the price of digital.


That's odd, on the website for one of the largest national pharmacy chains in the US, the mercury free analog oral thermometer lists for $8.29, while digital body temp (they aren't all oral) thermometers range from $5.49 to $55.99

StarFleet Carl

@awnlee jawking

I keep asking friends to smuggle a mercury thermometer from abroad in their luggage, but they're afraid of getting arrested for it


I just checked Amazon and couldn't find one that wasn't mercury free. But ... go look under veterinary supplies. And just like many other things meant for our furry, hairy, or scaly friends, I found one for about $6.

Not like I have to worry too much about not having a couple of mercury thermometers around the house, anyway. Minor detail, married to a nurse.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@StarFleet Carl

The ban is EU-wide. There doesn't seem to be any law against owning or even buying a mercury thermometer, just stocking them for sale. Even so, a few brave souls offer them as 'antiques' on eBay,co.uk at inflated prices.

AJ

Replies:   Ross at Play
Ross at Play

@awnlee jawking

The ban is EU-wide.

The Mad Hatter's party will be over by the time they're available again. :-)

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