Can anyone top this tale of woe?
My front door was stuck when I tried to leave home this morning. It has been difficult for a while. I thought it was just wood expanding because of a particularly heavy rainy season. Why would the builder of the house have bothered shaving the door in anticipation of that? They'll be long gone before that causes any noticeable problems.
I pulled the handle with both hands. The - metal - handle broke off in the hands of this 130-pound weakling.
I went upstairs, intending to go out on the balcony I never use and jump down. The door is locked. There is no key ... there are no keys in any internal locks in the house. I don't know if I was ever given any. None of the keys I can find now even fit in that lock.
I go to the other end upstairs. There is a skylight there, and a ladder. I hope I can get back up the same way get down to ground level across my neighbours' roofs - otherwise I might need a sledgehammer to get back in!
Half-way up the ladder it spontaneously changes shape from a straight line to two halves set at a right-angle. The injury to the ankle which bore my full weight while landing on an irregularly shaped metal object (a ladder rung) at the end of my free-fall of about 1.5 metres was not severe.
I go back to the front door. It has a narrow glass panel set in it. I smash it. I pull at the door with a solid two-handed grip. It does not budge.
I peer into the mechanism of the lock. This lock does not have a bolt for locking and a latch that can be opened by turning a handle. To prevent it blowing open when unlocked, it has a rolling-barrel mounted on some spring-loaded mechanism. Why would the builder bother spending a few extra rupiah on a lock with stainless-steel internal parts? They'll be long gone ...
Finally, I open the door by pulling while prising* the rolling barrel open with a knife My long-term solution for the rolling barrel is to duct tape it open. I expect a difficult moment when I eventually move out of this leased house. The owner is sure to think I should pay for repairing a door handle I broke.
* AmE apparently uses to pry when BrE uses to prise.