Forum: Author Hangout

I've only written 4 stories on here, but with my first three stories (from 10 years ago), I received helpful feedback (not always positive). This week, the story I posted is not nearly as popular/vanilla as my others (the kink is less common) and the rating is the lowest of all of my stories, even though I edited it pretty decently. I already have another 'vanilla' story in the works, but I'm pretty sad no one had any feedback either good or bad. Maybe things have changed in 10 years, but I'd assume most people still get feedback. Do you ever not get feedback?

Probable because all of your stories are behind the paywall.
For the three old stories that's because you didn't log-in for a long time and they were archived.

But you (accidentally?) set your new story "Premier".

4 Rape of a School Girl
A high school teacher, Mr.Rosen, learns that his student, Annelie, needs an A. Aroused, he takes advantage of the situation.
Premier members only

Sex Contents: Much Sex | Genre: Erotica
Tags: Ma/Fa, NonConsensual, Rape, Fiction, Rough, Teacher/Student
Downloads: 980 | Votes: 37 | Score: 5.27
Size: 6KB | 1,277 words | Posted: 17.4.2023, 14:37:30

What do you expect? Most readers here are free readers, therefor can't access your stories. Only 980 downloads and 37 votes. Did you even enable comments?

The low rating may be caused by the Premier setting. If I pay for Premier Membership, I would be more critical about (new) Premier stories.

BTW, the other author Sugar Sweet isn't another pen name you once used?

HM.

That's a good point. Back when I last posted 10 years ago everything was free... I'm a bit confused about the paywall/premier and everything. Making it free and accessible for everyone would probably make it more visible. I'm going to have to go into my dashboard to figure out how to do that. I did enable comments, but all of my feedback from the past was from private messages. I'm not sure about the pen name question, it was so long ago!

I just figured out how to make my stories 'publicly available!' It probably won't help at this point since the story's not 'new' anymore, but it's good to know for next time.

Thanks for the recommendation. I've never used the blog feature before.

There's a psychological effect for someone to know a story was for pay only and now it's free.

Yup, "Couldn't sell it, can't give it away." :)

NOT intended to malign the OP's story.

I just figured out how to make my stories 'publicly available!'

Moghal was in a similar situation when he started posting his most recent story Shades of Grey. He had been too busy to post for several years and his stories had been archived (and his "Email button" had been deactivated).
There seems to be a bug in SOL where the Premium-Only flag is not reset if it was set because the author was inactive but has now returned. He did permit User Comments to the story and it was possible to reach him that way, he then reset the flag.
The story is a sequel to his Light and Dark but still only has a fraction of the downloads (and votes) that Light and Dark has.

I can see a case for two flags here,
"Author wants his/her stories to be Premium Only" and
"Premium Only because of Inactivity". The second one should be reset when the author logs in again.
That would also make sense for the Email button.

... and the 'stories up for archival' page should more logically (and usefully, imo) be 'authors whose stories are up for archival'.

I'm pretty sad no one had any feedback either good or bad.

Well, we can help with that! Since you requested feedback on your story in the forum, I went ahead and read it. I'm not into rape and humiliation, but nevertheless I can hopefully give you some useful feedback:

The ending - showing Amelie's POV a year later - is well done. Too many of the shorter submissions here on SOL are like, "I saw a woman. I fucked her with my impressively large cock. The End."
In comparison, your story has the attributes of a proper short story - it tells about an important moment in the life of Amelie and how it changed her. The ending is surprising. Where you could have done better is the characterization and motivation of Mr. Rosen - why does he hate women in general and Amelie in particular? Think E.A. Poe and his The Cask of Amontillado: "The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge."

I don't think that you need explicit "chapters" to structure your text with such a short story. Just keep the last heading, "Amelie, One year later".

There were also some possible typos or missed words [my corrections in square brackets]:

when you came down the desolate trail[, talking] on your phone.

that [/n/o] males [didn't] notice[/d] when you grew up?

When you g[o]t off the phone, I shift[ed] on the bench, hoping you'[d] notice me.

"I'm sorry to have [/t/o /h/a/v/e] [over]heard that conversation.

Generally speaking, the main body of your story is in the past, but you're wobbling somewhat between past an present. Since you start out in the past, you should keep the past tense for the sections that take place there.

All in all, I rated your story "not bad".

Good luck with your future stories!

-FB

That was sweet of you lol. I appreciate your feedback :) And now that you say it, you're right. I was somewhere between past and present and that could be clarified better. Thank you!

Since I think commas often make sentences choppy, I thought I'd mention that (in my opinion) the comma after "bench" shouldn't be there.

I don't trust my gut as much, so I google things ;-)

TL;DR:

"Pauses Do Not Equal Commas, but They Can Provide Clues"

"When your sentence ends with a participial phrase, you need to decide if the phrase contains extra information or crucial information. If it's added information, add a comma."

Don't trust me, trust Grammar Girl.

And cue the "someone is wrong on the internet" meme ;-)

Since I think commas often make sentences choppy, I thought I'd mention that (in my opinion) the comma after "bench" shouldn't be there.

Although we are not in "Eat Shoots and Leaves" territory here I do think the comma or lack thereof subtly changes the sentence. Trying not to make this too wordy, the commaless sentence indicates that something was done because an action was consciously hoped for. With a comma it indicates a subconscious hope or a later realization of the hope.