Can you use a present day simile in historical fiction where the item didn't exist?
For example, if it's a Western taking place in the 1880s before airplanes and parachutes were in existence, can you compare a petticoat to a parachute? (3rd-limited, Pete POV character)
"In a drunken haze, Pete clawed and fought at the petticoat entombing him like a soldier whose parachute floated over him after landing in a field with the enemy nearby."
You can. The historical fiction police aren't going to come take you away for it.
Assuming that Pete is a 19th-century native and not a time traveler or something, I wouldn't, though. Atmosphere is important to establishing settings that aren't the reader's everyday world, and using anachronistic similes spoils it.
I wouldn't, though. Atmosphere is important to establishing settings that aren't the reader's everyday world, and using anachronistic similes spoils it.
That was my gut feel.
Can you use a present day simile in historical fiction where the item didn't exist?
As long as it's confined to narrative and not character dialog, I don't see why not.
It's more jarring if it's in dialog.
For example, if it's a Western taking place in the 1880s before airplanes and parachutes were in existence
That would be before airplanes, but parachute Is older than you think.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parachute
The modern parachute was invented in the late 18th century by Louis-Sébastien Lenormand in France, who made the first recorded public jump in 1783.
The basic concept is much older:
The earliest fictional account of a parachute type of device was made some 4,000 years ago when the Chinese noticed that air resistance would slow a person's fall from a height. The Western Han Dynasty writer Sima Qian in his book Historical Records recounts the story of Shun, a legendary Chinese emperor who ran away from his murderous father by climbing onto the top of a high granary. As there was nowhere to go, Shun grabbed two bamboo hats and leaped off and glided downward to safety.[3][4]
"In a drunken haze, Pete clawed and fought at the petticoat entombing him like a soldier whose parachute floated over him after landing in a field with the enemy nearby."
In a drunken haze, Pete clawed and fought at the petticoat entombing him like the wrappings of a Egyptian being mummified that wasn't dead.
like someone had wrapped him in swaddling cloths and then set them on fire.
There's a couple that would fit the time period. No parachutes, even though they'd been around, they weren't common knowledge then.
like a deflated observation balloon had landed on him. (They had and used those in the Civil War.)
In a drunken haze, Pete clawed and fought at the petticoat entombing him like the wrappings of a Egyptian being mummified that wasn't dead.
He was wearing the petticoat..? Kinky.
A simile that needs explaining needs rethinking.
He was wearing the petticoat..? Kinky.
I think the implication is that he was under the lady's skirt and petticoat, likely doing something naughty. :)
He was a cunning linguist. :)
I think the implication is that he was under the lady's skirt and petticoat, likely doing something naughty. :)
Ok, so maybe compare the petticoat to a bodybag? Shroud? Tangled cum soaked bedsheets?
I think the implication is that he was under the lady's skirt and petticoat, likely doing something naughty. :)
Ok, so maybe compare the petticoat to a bodybag? Shroud? Tangled cum soaked bedsheets?
A ship's sail set free from its rigging?
The ship's officer noted the lady standing at the bow rail, facing into the wind with an angelic expression of bliss and contentment on her face.
"How lovely," he thought. "She's captivated by the majestic beauty of the sea, the night, and the heavens."
And then he noticed the soles of a man's shoes showing from under the front hem of her long gown.
And then he noticed the soles of a man's shoes showing from under the front hem of her long gown.
Damn..!! That new purser forgot to change his shoes when he put on his dress... again.
ETA
If she is standing at the bow rail, wind in her face, he must be behind her, seeing her face at best in profile. So the soles of her (or his) shoes would be visible if she/he was on tiptoe.
If she is standing at the bow rail, wind in her face, he must be behind her,
Sorry, Maury... but this was early days when hoop skirts were in fashion. [grin] How discourteous to pick apart a joke. Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that Jack Benny neither played the violin nor did he have a walk-in vault, nor a man-servant named Rochester. And I'm safe in saying that, because there's not a single member of this forum old enough to remember. So HA!
And it couldn't possibly be the purser who forgot his shoes, because he always carries his heels in his ditty bag.
there's not a single member of this forum old enough to remember.
Since Jack reached age 39 and didn't grow any older for years and years, We don't have to be that old to remember him.
"Jack Benny (born Benjamin Kubelsky February 14, 1894 - December 26, 1974) was an American comedian, vaudevillian, and actor for radio, television, and film.
Widely recognized as one of the leading American entertainers of the 20th century, Benny was known for his comic timing and his ability to get laughs with either a pregnant pause or a single expression, such as his signature exasperated "Well!" His radio and television programs, tremendously popular in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s, were a foundational influence on the situation comedy."
I watched him on TV and listened to him on radio, and I am only 74. Though I will be older November 26th.
and I am only 74. Though I will be older November 26th.
Congratulations! And please remember, we're all in it together.
(I'll be 80 come next July. The wife, being an optimist, has already ordered the candles for the cake, and has in hand the proper fire permit with the local municipal authority.)
because there's not a single member of this forum old enough to remember
I'm only 54 and I loved Jack Benny. His humor was so understated. I think Bob Newhart got a lot of his mannerisms from Jack Benny. The only period comic I find better is Tim Conway.
His humor was so understated.
I've just been working on a scene where a larger-than-life character is constantly making over-the-top humorous remarks. I'm not sure whether it works or whether it will jerk readers out of the story, or perhaps both. I suppose I should invite some guinea pigs to read it and voice their opinions.
AJ
I suppose I should invite some guinea pigs to read it and voice their opinions.
One of my favorite Jack Benny skits involved him walking down the sidewalk with his chauffeur/man servant Rochester when they're accosted by a robber who orders, "Your money or your life!"
Benny stands there, frozen in place. The robber shouts again, "I said, your money or your life!"
Benny snarls back, "I'm thinking! I'm THINKING!"
You'll need a recorded laugh track with those Guinea pigs; they've a hard time laughing loudly with their tiny little mouths.
a larger-than-life character is constantly making over-the-top humorous remarks. I'm not sure whether it works or whether it will jerk readers out of the story
That depends. You mean like a bearded lady tap-dancing across a high wire while loudly singing "The Star Spangled Banner" would cause the reader to stand up and salute; that kind of distraction from the story? Naw... go for it!
Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that Jack Benny neither played the violin nor did he have a walk-in vault
"Well..........................................................."
"Now cut that out!"
He was wearing the petticoat..? Kinky.
Nay! T'was Shelob the giant spider who crept forth from the goblin tunnels of Mount Doom and spun her deadly strands around him, cocooning him in the sheath of lunch for later! Thank the fates he'd remember'd his rigging knife and slashed his way to breathe free again.
He was wearing the petticoat..? Kinky.
No. He was drunk on the floor looking for the engagement ring he dropped and the saloon girl flung her dress and petticoat over him. He was frantically trying to get out.
It's actually a humorous scene that comes right after an intense moment (cliffhanger?).
It's actually a humorous scene that comes right after an intense moment
Oh come on...!!! You expect me to believe he had a tent pitched at the bow of the ship..!!??
like the wrappings of a Egyptian being mummified that wasn't dead.
I was trying for the frantic effort of getting out from under the petticoat. The simile wasn't the parachute, per se. It was a soldier trapped under it with the enemy nearby so he had to get out as fast as he could.
In my case it wasn't the enemy. He was under a saloon girl's (prostitute's) clothes when he heard his girlfriend ask the bartender if he was in the saloon.
The answer to the question was unanimous, both here and on wattpad. Don't do it.
Thanks, everyone.
He was under a saloon girl's (prostitute's) clothes when he heard his girlfriend ask the bartender if he was in the saloon.
To which the correct reply would be, "No, the vestibule."
That saloon girl is a religious experience, he prayed to enter her sacristy but found he first had to navigate the cathedral... Whilst she in turn prayed to one day enjoy a larger organ. (And a better organist)
"Aisle be back..."
:)
Pete clawed and fought at the petticoat entombing him
Ouch!
I don't think petticoats are actually capable of entombing people. Enshrouding perhaps?
AJ
I don't think petticoats are actually capable of entombing people.
Definition: bury or trap in or under something.
He was trapped under her clothes. I guess even buried under them. Remember, he was drunk and had no idea what was going on.
My desk dictionary (Oxford Dictionaries stable) doesn't have the 'trap' definition and has 'place in a tomb' as its primary definition.
Given that some definition drift may have occurred due to time/location, I still think entombing someone in a petticoat is a huge leap and to my eye it sounds overcooked.
AJ
Given that some definition drift may have occurred due to time/location, I still think entombing someone in a petticoat is a huge leap and to my eye it sounds overcooked.
Thinking about it, shroud does not work either as it evokes the image of a shrouded corpse where although covered, every contour is displayed since the shroud is wrapped tight to the body.
Unless she is taking part in a wet petticoat competition...??
See..!! I didn't suggest wet T-shirt, I can be couth.... almost :)
Thinking about it, shroud does not work either as it evokes the image of a shrouded corpse where although covered
Yes, it captures the 'unable to move' nuance but not the 'hidden from detection' :(
AJ
I still think entombing someone in a petticoat is a huge leap
I'm convinced. Entombing is more burying than covering.
I thought I'd change it to "curtaining" but that sounds wrong to my ear. So I made it simple: "…clawed at the petticoat all around him."
"…clawed at the petticoat all around him."
"...tore at an edge, jerked it free of his head, cinched it around his waist and tap-danced his way across the salooon floor, stirring up sprays of spit-sodden sawdust and -- bashing the bat-wing doors aside -- fled into the street to the cheers of tap-dance aficionados lined up at the bar..."
Suits?
"…clawed at the petticoat all around him."
Changed it again:
"…draped all around him."
I want him to fight his way out.
Drowning? Smothered? Enveloped?
I actually thought of smothered, but I imagined that as not being able to breathe.
This is first draft. Who knows what it will be when I'm done? I got my answer about time sensitive similes so I'm good.
Changed it again:
"…draped all around him."
I want him to fight his way out.
Sounds like she is pregnant and he insists on being winter born.
(It may be a sunny day, but those petticoats are thick and beneath them are Cruxshadows...)
winter born.
Thanks to over-population, over-extraction and grotesque planning laws, the UK's winterbournes have all but dried up :(
AJ
winterbournes
One of my favorite Crüxshadows songs
"And in the fury of this darkest hour
We will be your light
You've asked me for my sacrifice
And I am Winter born"
"In a drunken haze, Pete clawed and fought at the petticoat entombing him like a soldier whose parachute floated over him after landing in a field with the enemy nearby."
If I was reading a story that contained a simile like that one, I would stop reading and move on to another story. I doubt I would go back to that author to see if they had written anything else.
The only exception would be for a book that was intended to be humorous and full of malopropoisms, horrible metaphors and similies.
Something along the lines of the Hitchhiker's Guide, for instance, where Douglas Adams wrote, "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
Or better still...
"the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick"
