I am probably not going to feel like writing for awhile due to an upcoming series of radiation treatments (prostate, extremely treatable, but perhaps debilitating) and whatever energy I have will have to go to my real job, i.e., writing for money. So I thought I would do a post about style and leave a bad taste in folks' mouths.
There are a couple of unfortunate things about style. One is that unless you take a course in writing, it rarely gets taught in school these days, and the other is that styles and concepts of correctness vary, to a degree, depending on the kind of writing. What could be incorrect, or at least undesirable, in formal writing might be appropriate in some more informal case, and vice-versa. There are, however, certain things that qualify as undesirable in most cases, and I will be bitching about a few of them in this post.
1. UNNECESSARY MODIFIERS (adverbs and adjectives).
As you may recall from English class, adjectives tell which, what kind or how many. Some examples are words (and sometimes phrases) such as beautiful, numerous, more skilled than, and so forth. The biggest problem writers seem to have with adjectives is using too many of them, or using the same ones over and over again. (If you use too many it becomes difficult to avoid repetition, another reason to use them less rather than more.)
Not so good:
- gorgeous, tall, busty blonde;
- glorious, luscious, large* tits;
- delirious, wide-eyed, ecstatic bliss.
You get the idea.
Good:
- gorgeous, tall OR tall, busty;
- big, glorious tits OR big luscious tits;
-delirious, wide-eyed bliss.
Extra credit: Why didn't I use delirious, ecstatic bliss?
*Parenthetically, I have a vendetta against "large." Unless you are describing a clothing size, 'big" is almost always better. Would you rather play with large tits or big tits? It is certainly a matter of taste (I prefer small), but I would generally choose the word with more punch.
Adverbs tell us who, what, when, where, why and how. They generally present the same problems as with adjectives: trying to cram too much description into one sentence.
- Hank put on the condom quickly, carefully, and snugly. (Dump at least one of the three, your choice.)
- The crash happened so suddenly and violently that Missy was completely disoriented. (Maybe all three, but try it with one or two instead.)
Without going on and on, you can see what I am getting at here. Too many modifiers make sentences clumsy and difficult to read, and can often detract from the idea rather than enhancing it. As a general rule choose them carefully, and unless absolutely necessary, try to stick with one at a time.
A few words about creating adverbs. It's easy to form adverbs by adding "ly" to words, adverbially speaking, but be careful.
- John ran fast, not "fastly."
- Shanae walked onto the stage looking gorgeous, not "gorgeously."
If it a sentence seems to read oddly, rewrite it completely. Do not try to patch and fix.
2. OVERLY FLORID WRITING
These are often cases of trying to cram too much information into a sentence or paragraph, or perhaps misguided attempts to sound literary. We need to keep in mind that what sounds just fine in our own heads will not necessarily translate clearly into the written word. Imagine if you tried to express the constant thoughts that run through your head exactly as they are, without organizing them. That would be unfriendly to your readers in the extreme (adverbial phrase).
Ernest Hemingway won a Nobel Prize with spare, punchy sentences. Read a few paragraphs of Hemingway and reflect.
Here are some examples, along with some slangy writing that could be vastly improved. I'm sorry to inform you that I did not make these up.
- Stunningly gorgeous blonde babe of a sex toy.
- ...arched her back beneath me, thrusting those glorious tits against my naked chest while she moaned in ecstatic bliss.
- ...made my balls evacuate their contents into the deepest recesses of her womb.
- ...filling up her womb with every little tadpole I could manage.
- I clutched her body with savage power, holding my pelvic bone against her crotch as the diluvial torrent of jism poured forth.
At least he didn't think he was pouring it into the deepest recesses of her womb, which is physically impossible in human beings.
I imagine this will sufficiently annoy the readers (especially if they are guilty), so I'll close.