Chapter 29 of <Phoenix Rising: Immortality Curse> is one of the most intense things I've written, and reader feedback suggests that it's been emotional to read too.
I find it difficult to write about sexual abuse. It's a case where privilege makes things challenging; while I have some experience with my consent not being respected, my characters are facing situations more challenging than I have faced. I don't want to trivialize trauma. I want to respect my readers; I don't want to drag them into an emotionally intense situation just for the sake of jerking them around. There needs to be a point, which in this case is to explore how sexuality and intimacy can be a part of healing from abuse.
Capturing that is extra hard. I remember the first time I read Passionate Marriage, I was uncomfortable with the description of "oral sex night." The author is a therapist and talks about how a particular night when a couple tried oral sex was a turning point in their relationship. I felt at the time like bringing it down to one physical act trivialized the hard work couples do in working on their relationships. Oral sex is not going to save a relationship.
Sex is tricky though. The physical acts become symbols for something greater. Much later after I'd had my own nights I respected the courage of that book. No, oral sex isn't going to save a relationship. But a particular act of oral sex between two people, embedded in the meaning they give that act can change the world for those two people.
Writing about that is hard. Going beyond the sex and connecting to the characters, to how their sex act touches them ... doing that as an author is frightening. It's easy to miss, for the reader to see that as just oral sex. And yet those moments, when the connetion is built on top of the physical act, but comes more are the ones that shape our lives as lovers. With this chapter I reach for that.
And from the feedback I've touched and challenged some readers.
Thanks for all your thoughts and comments.