I'm sorry for the sad technical state of chapter 21; I will be posting a better edited version of it later today. I sent it out to Jerry for editing Friday and I have not heard back from him since, including a "You ok dude?" Email early yesterday.
At some point I set up a time-release posting of the chapter for 8AM this morning, with an intention to use that deadline to get my wife to edit it last night; she does a decent job, she just doesn't like doing it. Somehow it got posted well before the posting guideline; I'm not sure what happened, but it obviously posted sooner than that.
On top of that, they finally confirmed what my father has two days ago - Mesothelioma - and I got a phone call about it last night, I think after the time I set up that posting, but I'm not sure. The world is cloudy in my head right now, to be honest. I am in poor health, for a variety of reasons (I wasn't born very healthy to begin with, and I am both something of a glutton and a heavy drinker, and while I have managed to considerably work on those two, the damage of years of doing is what it is) and I long ago came to grips with, and frankly serenity with, my own death being somewhat young.
When we discovered my dad had cancer after he fell on Father's Day 2016, I read the life expectancy of lasting five years being somewhat slim, and I accepted that, and came to peace with it. When they removed all traces of it by removing a third of one of his lungs, I hoped it would be a permanent reprieve, but I intellectually doubted it, and resigned myself to that fact. When they found cancer again in his lung a few weeks ago, I wasn't surprised, and I was at peace with it intellectually. I was sad and disappointed, but I am usually a pragmatist.
When they called me yesterday, told me the diagnosis, I was accepting of it intellectually, and I was distressed, but I was... ok, I guess. The next topic of discussion was the arrangements they made between the time they found out and that phone call to ensure me and my wife's financial security no matter what happened, suddenly it was all different. It was obviously more real to them, and it became very very real to me.
I am in a complete fog; I don't remember exactly the order of events yesterday, but when I realized the chapter had posted, I really didn't feel like doing anything about it. I feel a bit better now. I hope to continue writing; it helps keep me in a world where my father isn't dying. I mean the diagnosis could be worse; they are hoping with the treatments he may make it up to another couple of years.
Since my store burned down, turning out these semi-decent stories and entertaining all of you has been... well the best I could accomplish, and it feels good doing it. I am grateful for your readership. I need this outlet, so I hope to continue to use it.
Sorry if I sounds like I'm whining; this is just life being unfair, the way it often can be. He isn't that young; he still stands a chance of making it to 75. I was just expecting him to live to similar ages as his parents (they both died in their late 80s), and I really shouldn't have had the temerity. I should know better than to take life for granted; I always say its too short to rush.
Its the divide between intellectual thought and gross reality, I suppose. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the content of chapter 21, if not the technical mess I posted it in. I am hoping Jerry is ok; Chapter 22 is written, chapter 23 is half written, and unless I hear from Jerry soon, chapter 22 should be following in a couple of days, followed a few days later by chapter 23, god willing.
Happy thanksgiving, everyone, and be thankful for everything you have, because you just don't know when it might be taken away from you.