Thanks to all the people who commented, messaged me, rated, and/or read Janet the White. I still would love more data, if you have something to say, I'm listening. But right now, after the story has been up for a day, I'd like to share what I've learned.
There seems to be as many "Too confusing" as there is "I like it!" but I think a confusing narrative selects out a large number of readers who would abandon reading rather than force through the confusion to comment. Rank voting has been all over the place. 9 and 10 out of 10's, a bunch in the 5 to 8 range, a 3, a 2, and even a 1/10. I had never seen a "You call this a story!" rating vote before.
I've been given good advice, friendly barbs, and maybe one calling out. Perhaps I could color code the banter, present it like a script with their names at the start of each line. Maybe I could start with the prose and let the reader run into a wall rather than be tossed off a cliff on the first sentence.
The truth is, I don't know if handling the confusion is the right way to go. The positive comments are great. There does seem to, from one or two commenters, a sense of self esteem from being able to get the gimmick. I really like that.
I love the gimmick of breaking up the narrative with banter between the hero team as they recall their origin stories. It allows me to set rails, foreshadow, plan out, and define each and every character, keeping everyone in mind so they don't wither in the dark or horribly mutate as I go forward writing.
Thank you all! Feel free to keep throwing everything at me. This experiment has been truly helpful.