Several people gave me feedback on the first version of Anna & Jayden Naked in School and several more rated it. Thank you all.
It seems that some people really liked it, while more people did not. I added some bits to try to clarify what was going on for the reader when the participants didn't understand.
I had attempted to make Jayden's portions very different from Anna's by including just about every spelling error I've seen students make. A few readers told me this made his part of the story impossible to read, so I have significantly improved the spelling there. I hope that helps.
I hope this is an improvement.
Addendum: the apostrophes did not render correctly, so I am uploading it again.
I have finally managed to post a NiS story that I've been working on intermittently for a couple of years. Looking at it, it doesn't seem to have come out as well as I had hoped.
I tried to make the two characters write differently, but the result is that one of them seems hard to read.
I tried to make it realistic, but the result is that not enough happens.
I tried to make the characters get more used to their situation as the story progressed, but the result is that the story gets thinner.
I welcome constructive suggestions for ways to improve it. I might even take some of them.
I am trying to write some stories. I think I have 9 in progress, but none ready to post. (Obviously, it would be better to focus on fewer stories.) I find that I have a consistent problem making my characters seem alive and engaging.
One thought I had was that the two main characters in a NiS story should have different writing styles. In the story where I am trying that, I am trying to decide how many spelling mistakes to use for the character who spells badly. If I use too many, it becomes hard to read.
I posted Welcome Letter hoping I would inspire a better author to write a story. After 8 months, it looks like it didn't inspire anyone. I guess I'm just uninspiring.