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I'm tired of a couple morons giving every single story I post 1's. I'm tired of idiots upset that my very clearly tagged rape/snuff story does indeed contain rape and snuff.
I'm fine if my stuff isn't for you. It's not for most people. But holy fuck, you dim-witted pieces of shit, why on earth are you looking up tags to hate read stories that don't appeal to you? Do you think you're making some kind of difference telling me to die in badly spelled rants?
Do you think you're white knighting some innocent person who will be "corrupted" by such things?
No, what I think is that you hate yourself. Because idiots like you can't stop yourself from reading certain content and you've decided it's best to blame me than yourself. Here's a simple guide to enjoying this site better.
Read the tags. If any of them stand out as something you don't like, don't read the fucking story. It's really that freaking simple. To everyone else who reads the tags and smiles, I hope you like my work. Please keep on enjoying it. You're freaking awesome!
Over the past year I've slowly been posting my past work in a few new locations, both because of new oppurtunties as well as needing less "ban happy" locations with quickly shifting rules.
There is a satisfaction in having a large amount of writing as well as going back and revising your old work, due to an aversion for editing.
The downside of all that is doing the work. Even several months later, doing one story a day while often writing new stuff during the week as well, it's overwhelming. It's like feeling pride in past work and burnout at the same time.
Not sure where I'm going with this but I finally see the end in sight (for older nonfiction at least). I still have my non-fiction to clean up as well and that's an even larger body of work, but I'm looking forward to it, while also dreading it. One step forward, two edited and revised steps back :)
I pour every day, a measured amount, enough to keep it full.
Full enough for me, full enough for them.
A symbiosis that makes me feel wanted and complete.
And all I want is the cup to be filled.
And then, again and again, someone takes the cup and shatters it.
They look at me and tell me I'm not worth it.
I'm ugly, broken, ruined, something to hide away in shame.
And all I want is the cup to be filled.
I get out another one, smaller, and begin pouring anew.
Fewer friends surround me, but I still try my best.
The silence means I hear my thoughts more, screaming.
And all I want is the cup to be filled.
Shattered, denied, rejected. They don't even give me a reason why.
Just that I'm no longer wanted, embarrassed that I exist.
I stand there, my circle, my cup growing ever smaller.
I have to pour but the cup holds less and less, overflowing.
Too small a cup and I stand there shaking, the pot boiling in my hand.
Nowhere else to go, I pour it on myself, screaming.
It burns like it always did, in the past and now, I guess the future.
Screaming as I shower myself under it, scalding my soul away.
I have to pour every day, I can't help or contain it.
I have too much and every day another cup shatters or is taken away.
The remaining cup feels so tiny, filled, overflowing, I still have to pour.
Raising it over my head, I dump the rest and pray no one hears me.
All I want is the cup to be filled.
Why can't I have that?
Why do I have to burn?
Why?
I miss my subreddit, /r/badsammie. I don't mean to knock the current one, reddit.com/r/badsammie99 - I'm glad it's there. I'm glad it exists. But it's an imitation, a knockoff. I'm sad and frustrated and nothing feels right.
I feel like I lost my right hand and now I have to use my left for everything. It works, but it's not the same. I'm anxious and I hate losing my audience, people I chatted with, supporters and friends. They keep fucking reducing me and I don't know why, but it's hitting me tonight.
I feel lost.
I want to go home but it's gone now. This is a nice house, but it isn't home. Not yet.
I just miss my home :(
Not because of a dearth of content or anything. I'm just planning on posting everything at roughly the same time across multiple platforms and I'm also going through and editing/re-writing some of my stories.
Since this spot is a bit ahead, and I'm generally only posting one revised story a day, the only content this site will get is completely new stories for the next couple weeks. So expect more, but the pace will be slowed for a bit.
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