aroslav: Blog

I talked to my friend the other day and he complained that I write faster than he can read. I can't help it. Once I get an idea I need to get it in words and get it out for people to read. And hence, there's another story in the pipeline. Starting today, Adams' Apples is ready for your reading pleasure.

Farce, satire, lampoon... Call it what you will. Back in January when I was sitting in a hotel in Tulsa waiting for my trailer to be repaired, I started going through my file of story notes. I needed something to write as I'd just finished Things I Never Told My Wife. I came across a very old concept. Back in the early 70s, my father-in-law (#1) gave me a very funny book and suggested I write a play based on it. I started work, but got bogged down in life and his daughter. My story note just said "Modernize Adam's Apple."

I couldn't remember the actual name of the book or the author, so I just sat down to start writing the story of a mass sterilization of all the men on earth except one. I remembered some names and some funny details. The cause in the original book was a nuclear power plant blowing up and destroying Mississippi, which no one cared about. But a new kind of radiation was released that sterilized all the men in the world except one who was a mile deep in a lead mine.

After giving that much of a lead-in, a reader wrote to tell me it sounded a lot like the book Mr. Adam by Pat Franks, published in 1946. I checked it out and indeed it was the book but by that time I'd already written over a third of it and was having a great time making up the weirdest crap I could about how the world would respond to a virus that sterilized all the men in the world except one who happened to be orbiting the earth doing satellite maintenance.

As I continued to write into March and April, I couldn't invent ridiculous responses to this virus that I didn't read about the next day in the news about CoVid-19. I kept getting more and more ridiculous and the news kept a step ahead of me. I tried to leave no group of people out of my lampoons--president (based on Stanley Kubrick's Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove), bureaucracy, the military, the press and media, religion, medicine, protesters, pro-life, congressional committees, Disney princesses, Homeland Security, domestic terrorists... If I missed anyone it was unintentional. But the result is now fully edited and ready for consumption. Hope you enjoy it. I'll post two chapters every three days.

Enjoy!

I don't usually post twice in a week, but news that composer Ennio Morricone passed away this morning at age 91 has hit me in the feels. Morricone composed the scores of over 500 movies, including the famous Spaghetti Westerns of Sergio Leone (The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly). I'm listening to his music on my YouTube playlist and will happily provide the link to anyone interested. (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL54JVjPqRWsGVzXvVTO2GxRUKCBnbuSWZ)

Why do I have a whole playlist devoted to Morricone? If you read the most recent chapter of Double Twist, you'll know that Marvel and Hopkins are on a California tour in which they've chosen music by Morricone to start their revolution.

According to NPRs obituary this morning, "Morricone was off and running toward one of the most celebrated film-scoring careers of all time. It began with Il Federale in 1961 and continued through his collaborations with director Sergio Leone on a famous series of Westerns that included A Fistful of Dollars; For a Few Dollars More; The Good, the Bad and the Ugly; and Once Upon a Time in the West. But that wasn't all he did.

"Some of his best-known scores included the political drama The Battle of Algiers; Brian de Palma's take on 1930s gangsters, The Untouchables; The Mission, about a Jesuit priest in South America; and Cinema Paradiso, about a young boy growing up after World War II with a love of movies."

Morricone was nominated six times and received an honorary Oscar in 2007. He won the Oscar for himself in 2016 (age 87!) for the score of Quentin Tarantino's The Hateful Eight.

RIP to this fantastic composer.

We're all a bunch of Yahbuts. I don't care how far right or left or center you are, you're a Yahbut. How religious or pagan you are, you're a Yahbut. How Black, White, Brown, Red, or Yellow you are, you're a Yahbut. How straight, gay, bi, or trans you are, you're a Yahbut. How rich or poor you are, you're a Yahbut. Our nation is populated with Yahbuts.

Name any social, legal, religious, or political issue and the person next to you will say "Yah but…"

"Black lives matter." "Yah but all lives matter."

"Beach parties have been spreading CoVid-19." "Yah but riots expose people, too."

"White male patriarchy is keeping women and people of color under their thumbs." "Yah but not all men."

"Racism is worse today than in 1965." "Yah but Obama didn't help it."

"Police need to step in and quell the riots." "Yah but they started it."

"A policeman killed a black man by kneeling on his neck for nine minutes." "Yah but a policeman killed a white man by kneeling on his neck for thirteen minutes."

"Hillary was responsible for Benghazi." "Yah but Trump colluded with the Russians."

"He's not perfect, but we need to get behind Biden." "Yah but we could all vote for Jo."

"The Bible is against homosexuals." "Yah but we don't stone divorcees."

"You need to wear a mask to stop the spread of CoVid-19." "Yah but a virus is smaller than a fart and your jeans don't stop that."

"Black people were held in slavery here for over two hundred years." "Yah but white people were enslaved in the Middle East."

It's almost as if people actually believe their apologetics (systematic argumentative discourse in defense (as of a doctrine). Merriam-Webster) mean anything. All they do is avoid responsibility for the current situation. They don't justify it and they don't offer a solution. But if you can find some shred of implied contradictory 'evidence,' then the problem stated isn't really a problem. Sometimes we even contradict and minimize our own evidence so we don't have to deal with it.

"There was a peaceful protest of a dozen students carrying BLM signs outside the store." "Yah but there wasn't a single person of color among them." (0.95% of the population of that town were Black, according to 2010 census data. Therefore, at least 11% of one of those people should have been Black???)

We just point out an unrelated, if factual, observation and assume that negates the problem presented or turns it into an irrelevant factoid.

"CoVid-19 has killed over 130,000 Americans this year." "Yah but abortion kills millions." (650,000 in the most recent year statistics are available.)

Look! I did it right there! I negated an abortion factoid by correcting the number to a much lower number. I didn't address abortion at all, but simply negated the assertion as irrelevant and exaggerated. We are all a bunch of Yahbuts! I have never met a person who didn't engage in this four-year-old's behavior. "He hit me!" "Yah but she called me a name."

It's really time for all the preschoolers running around in congress, the senate, the white house, the judiciary, the community councils, the police force, the churches, and our individual neighborhoods to grow the fuck up and start dealing with the problems instead of justifying them with irrelevant nonsense.

"Yah but…"

I've been excited about the new story by J-Hop I'm writing and posted about yesterday, but completely overlooked the fact that the book he was introduced in, Double Take, was voted Best Erotic Do-Over 2019 in the Clitorides Awards. This is Book 1 in "The Transmogrification of Jacob Hopkins" which continues to post currently with Book 4, Double Twist. Thank you to all who voted in this year's Clitorides. As the only awards for erotica I know of, the Clitorides are obviously the industry leader!

I'm putting that virtual trophy right there on my virtual mantle. I'd like to thank my mother, rest her soul, who is no doubt spinning in her ministerial grave and pleading with St. Peter for mercy on my soul.

Good intentions but I got a little sidetracked.

I managed to finish and get edited Adams' Apples early this week and it will start posting on my Patreon today. Not sure when it will release here, but I'm guessing by mid-July. Pixel wanted to take one more pass through the story because I rewrote it and he knows I missed some things and introduced some errors. I made a lot of corrections to the first five chapters before making the upload to patrons today, but I'll correct anything else he identifies as well.

And I got another chapter completed of the rewrite of Wayzgoose's American Royalty that I'm currently calling Rise and Awaken. This is such a completely different story than the original that I expect I'll post it here under the new title as a new story.

And I managed one more chapter of my Swarm Cycle story in which the Pussy Pirates actually get to engage in battle. I thought I'd write the concluding chapter this past week, but things got in the way. And that story won't appear here for at least a couple of months as it needs to be reviewed by the Swarm Authors Guild before it can be approved as a story in that universe. I'm sure they'll be able to suggest extensive changes as I know nothing about technology, weaponry, military, or battle. I'm looking forward to learning more than I ever wanted to know!

But I didn't get it finished and I have a 'good' reason. I wrote a different story!

Let me also explain that I was on the road a couple of days and had to cope with incompetent trailer repairmen, a broken refrigerator that thawed all my meat and left it to rot in the sun for ten days, buying groceries, cleaning, and trying to get my campsite up and running. So, I've been pressed for time.
But driving always puts me in the mood to write because characters talk to me and I had seven hours of inspired thinking as I drove from Seattle to Spokane.

"Why inspired?" you might ask.

Well, on my way out of town, I decided to grab an extra cup of coffee for the drive and instead of sensibly driving up to the nearest Starbucks, I made a U-turn and pulled into our version of the 'bikini barista' to order a coffee. I don't often go there, but I have stopped by before and learned not to expect much. The baristas are mostly not worthy of what they are showing or the price they are charging. I was surprised this time.

The young woman serving me Thursday was beautiful in a way that went slightly beyond most twenty-somethings. She wasn't in a bikini, but rather a one-piece. She was at the espresso machine when she took my order and so the first thing I saw was an absolutely magnificent butt! I couldn't take my eyes off it and when she noticed, she began dancing a little and making those round globes do all kinds of tricks. It might be a little bigger than some guys prefer, but all I could think about was waking up in bed with that butt spooned against my cock. And I could see it all because the back of the suit consisted of a piece of butt floss that split at her waist and went over her shoulders to hold the front up.

We had a pleasant conversation and she came up close to the window to be sure I got a good view of the tits that showed through the nearly transparent fabric. Having done some research on the Wicked Weasel website, I've determined that she was about 5'3", 33/26/37. That fuels my fantasies, anyway. I wasn't five miles away by the time a storyline was developing!

But I had no idea how to set it until I happened to think of my currently running story, Double Twist, book 4 of "The Transmogrification of Jacob Hopkins." If you've read the story, you'll know that before Jacob discovered his talent on the guitar, he'd been contemplating becoming a writer. In fact, that was how he seduced his English teacher into his pod as she read his fiction and erotica to help him improve. I'd mentioned it frequently, but I've never exposed one of his stories.

I've taken out an alternate author name as J-Hop, the name Jacob uses for his online presence. And I've written over 6,000 words of this 'short story' that Jacob writes for Donna involving a bikini barista. I don't know exactly how long the story will be, but I'm guessing somewhere in excess of 10,000 words that I'll post under J-Hop's name. No real title yet, so I'll make multiple announcements when it's edited and up.

In other news, I hauled my old and broken down recliner out of the trailer yesterday and installed my brand new comfy La-Z-Boy recliner. When I was visiting back in Seattle as the trailer awaited its repair, my daughter decided she wanted to give me a new recliner for Father's Day! Not only that, she took it beyond the level that I would have purchased and made sure I got the chair I really wanted and not one I'd settle for. It's fabulous! I plan to write many words while sitting in this chair!

It was a little strange to see my daughter, her boyfriend, my ex-wife, and my step-husband for 10 days and not have had a single hug. Even in the house, we maintained social distance and only air hugs. We ate meals outdoors where there was room to spread out on the deck further. Whenever I left the house, I wore my mask and stayed well clear of people.

I'm interested in some statistics as I try to stay healthy and keep from exposing others to anything I might pick up and not be aware of. As the US has now climbed to the most infected area of the planet and the European Union has openly declared they won't allow Americans in when they re-open, a couple of stats have emerged.

First, The US has climbed to 30,000 new cases per day with Florida leading the way with 9,000 new cases on Thursday this week. The EU, which has a population 30% higher than the US, is now reporting about 4,000 cases daily. And it shows clearly that it is not because they aren't testing as many. They are testing more.

Of course, everyone was expecting the rise in American cases because of all the protests, right? Except that contact tracking of infected people has shown that few have come from the protests where, aside from the police, people have been quite respectful of each other. Instead, the new cases are coming from other large gatherings (like beaches), family gatherings, restaurants, and public entertainment. All the places people have been complaining they couldn't go to and wanted the lockdown lifted from. Houston reports that it has exceeded its ICU capacity and hospitals in several other areas, especially in the south, have said they won't be able to take many more patients.

But let's all remember, none of this is real. It's all because of the deep state and 5G coils they are transporting around on trucks broadcasting 5Gs all over. 5Gs get inside your mask and get trapped there like CO2 and other toxins and give you CoVid 19 because Bill Gates took money from Soros to develop it on Hillary's email account which is why Obama wore a tan suit. Got it?

Right. To find out what I really think, check out my First Exit blog. Happy reading.