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Please feel free to comment on any of my stories... I love feedback.
Jake Rivers
Hi,
Since I haven't submitted for a while, I didn't know about public comments.
I now have them turned on. Thanks to Denham Forrest for the little shove.
Jake
I resubmitted the story with about 5 pages of material my editors had recommended be cut.
The first part is a brief Table of Contents before the Prelude.
The other new material is an Epilog followed by a postscript.
Some readers' have commented that the story is a bit hard to follow. It is a complicated story, but maybe the Table of Contents will make it easier to understand what is in each chapter.
Let me know if you like/don't like these changes. All told, the story will be about 35 pages now.
Regards, Jake
Note: In my original story I missed a key point of the story by Denham Forrest (The Wanderer).
Andrew Swingfield in his digging found out this: "Somewhat surprisingly I found that Dave Laurence appeared to have appeared out of thin air about eight years previous. Whether the guy had spent all of his youth abroad or what, I could not find out. As far as I could make out, there seemed to be no record of him living in the UK before he bought the house that he now shared with Sandra. That really should have been a red flag for me, for if anyone tried to research my past they would find the same brick wall."
I never accounted for this at all ... should have caught it.
In this rewrite there is a new section called, "PART TWO - How did it all begin?" This provides the backstory of how Dave arrived in the Denver area eight years before this story takes place.
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