Bastion Grammar Jr: Blog

I had a rough childhood. External forces appeared (at the time) to take a great deal of joy in showing me my faults and punishing me (very often, severely) for them. I am the product of long-running, systematic child abuse. I only rarely watched any television whatsoever (only when I could sneak peeks somehow), I can count on one hand the movies I went to (with 3 or 4 fingers left over), I received toys for Christmas and my birthday that I was not allowed to play with..to make a long story short (even if it is too late), I had absolutely no outlet for the boundless energy and creativity that a child possesses.

Except in school. In school, I had access to the library, where I could read tales of adventure and imagination and, for a small time, forget about my own existence. I had the computer that opened up whole worlds to me. I escaped into these things and into myself. I day-dreamed. I acted out whole scenes where I was the hero. I lived, for the most part, in my own head. When I'd walk down the street, I wasn't walking...I was a super-hero saving the damsel in distress (and, later, as I got older, got the sweet rewards that heroes get but are rarely mentioned in contemporary comic books) or a child genius saving the world from governments or...well, I think you get the idea. You can't imagine my embarrassment the first time I was walking to the store (to pick up one of the endless lists of things my mother needed...though I think part of it was to get me out of the house), pretending to be fighting a super-villain and have someone stop me to ask me if I was alright because the person thought I was having some kind of fit as I was 'shadow boxing' (or whatever you want to call it). Sadly, it wasn't the last time I embarrassed myself doing it, either.

I loved reading. I have always loved reading. It wasn't until the 11th grade and a creative writing course that I found I liked writing as well. I remember the assignment was simple - describe the directions you use to tie your shoes. The teacher expected a page, maybe a page and a half. I stopped at 21 pages of a story about how my shoes were actually an alien and I had to fight with him and his 'sole-ful' brothers (yes, I really used that) to save the world from shoeless-ness. I detailed how each of my steps weakened the alien. It was a long story but...it *DID* have the steps I used to tie my shoes, which is probably why the teacher gave me a 'D' instead of an 'F'. Her remarks, however, were that my story was engaging and interesting and she hoped that I would continue writing stories like this...just not on an assignment such as this.

Embarrassed? Yes, I was embarrassed. It was the only 'D' in my class and I was, have been, pretty damn intelligent. I stayed after to discuss it with my teacher - and, yes, I even still remember her name - and she seemed very sincere about me continuing to write, to the point that she said she'd be happy to read anything I wrote and critique me on it. And she did, too, which made me happy.

I started a little story back then about a reluctant mage. I didn't finish it and my teacher never saw it. I added to it over time, refining it, often imagining the scenes and 'living through them' in my imagination. That's how I write - it's the only way I can write - I get an idea, 'live through some of the scenes' in my imagination, and then commit the scenes - as best I can, they never come out the same for some reason - to computer.

Fast forward a few years and throw in a mild addiction to porn as well as a marriage, kids...in short, a life. My time is not my own, anymore, but I still find some time to write...even that story about the mage, though it has changed and become more refined over the years. I think I'm ready to write it...but I can't get it to come out right. So I decide, in a moment of dubious brilliance, to practice 'my craft'. I start to write erotica, sometimes just refining what I read and other times coming up with whole stories on my own. I figure this will give me practice and get me ready to write the story I've wanted to write since the 11th grade.

Two problems. I'm a procrastinator and I'm mildly lazy. For some reason, I can get to a point in a long story and I just...stop. I don't know why. I can't fathom it. It isn't because I don't 'know' the story. It isn't because the story is getting away from me. I know these stories backwards and forwards - hell, I've *LIVED* some of them (in my imagination, at least). I swear, I'll be in a great mood, ready to do some writing, open up the Word document and the notes for it in my OneNote and...just completely lose interest. Or, worse, get an idea for a totally unrelated story and start working on that. It's frustrating and more than a little maddening. I mean, sometimes I just end up stopping and closing down Word - when I was eager and raring to go not a moment earlier. I sometimes wonder about my own sanity.

That's kind of what happened to Traveller. It isn't that I don't want to finish it. It isn't that I don't know what happens - hell, I know how the whole thing is supposed to 'end' (hint: it doesn't, not really) two or three books down the line. I even know what the two or three books are going to be about!

So, I tried a new direction with the 'Speed Demon' series. Short stories with an arc between them. Little vignettes that can be read on their own but will progress the over-all plot from story to story. I thought about it like the little television shows that you can watch an hour at a time but has a subliminal plot that progresses - like 'Lost', 'Haven'...and others. I'm sure I'm missing a few.

I even fucked that up. As I was reaching one of the primary cliffs, I just couldn't finish it. Lethargy...hell, at this point, I don't know what to call it.

It wasn't fair to me but, even worse, it wasn't fair to all of you who were reading the stories I was putting out. So, I decided I would not post ANYTHING of any kind until it was completed.

Then, there were some intensely personal problems in Real Life. I lost the will, if not the ability, to write. My flighty muse...just stopped showing up, I guess. Other than work and a single project (and even that project is a procrastination project - I started it in 2011 or 2012, I think, and just picked it back up...but more on that in my next blog post), I think this is the only thing I've really written in maybe a year.

Life has a way of renewing itself. I'm not anywhere as prolific as I was...but I'm writing again. Little things, mostly; I'm still having quite a bit of trouble at 'finishing' the damn things but at least I'm writing again. That project that I'll discuss later has been a big help because it's kind of tangential to that story I started in 11th grade. I've promised myself that if I can finish even one book of that project, I'll start writing the story from 11th grade (which is mainstream and not erotica...and hopefully, I can have it actually published)...and continue on the project as well.

So...where does that leave me (and you)?
Traveller: WILL get finished. I haven't planned it out yet, but I'm hoping to finish the story by December of this year.
Speed Demon: WILL get finished - at least this first 'arc'. I'm not sure when...which is sad because the final story in this 'arc' is probably about half-way done. I need to 'bake' it a little more...so if you see this middle-aged gent 'shadow boxing' while walking down the street...just shake your head, pat his shoulder and wish him well...

As much as I enjoy writing, I enjoy reading just as much (maybe even more). I'm a very picky reader and I have to say that my mood sends me in different directions at different times. When I find a story that I like, I frequently get completely absorbed and can't put it down.

<soapbox>
Which leads me to my lamentation. I've found a few stories that have plots I'd really like to sink my teeth into...but when I start reading, I have to put them down. Why? The dialogue is so unrealistic, it drives me batty.

For example:
"Hi, Jill," Jack said, smiling at the girl.
"Why Hi, Jack," Jill replied. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Jill," Jack smiled. "How are you doing, Jill?"
"I'm fine, Jack," Jill giggled.

What is wrong with that? I urge you to say it out loud to yourself. Once you've established that Jack is talking to Jill and vice-versa, it is wholly unnecessary to continue using the characters names. We get it...Jack and Jill are having a conversation between themselves.

Here's something else:
"What did you do with my hammer, Christopher?" Bobby asked.
"I put it on the counter with your other tools," Christopher replied.
"Why did you do that?" Bobby asked in frustration. "You should have placed the hammer back in the tool box where you found it. My Father will get very angry if it is not put back where it belongs!"

What is wrong with this? Again, I urge you to say it out loud. Would anyone actually talk this way (except for our robot overlords who have not learned to use contractions yet)? Stories with dialogue should never have perfect diction and vocabulary unless you're trying to make some kind of point. Something of that nature, I can deal with - but a constant barrage of robotic monotones drives me completely out of the story.

Here's my recommendation:
"Yo, dude, where'd you put my hammer?" Bobby asked his young friend.
"I put it on the counter with your other tools," Chris replied, looking up at his friend quizically.
"Aw, Man," Bobby replied. "Why'd you do that? My dad'll have a cow if you don't put it back in the toolbox where it belongs."

See what I did there? I put slang, contractions, etc. and turned it into a real conversation, something you might hear on the streets. Now, it's okay to have a single character with perfect diction and etc. if you can explain it away as they're an alien or ate a dictionary or something (or maybe they're just a pompous ass) but having everyone speak like that is damaging to the story you're trying to tell.
</soapbox>

So, I've been getting a few e-mails lately asking where I've been, where the new Traveller chapters are or where the new Speed Demon story is. I've not been responding to e-mails lately (I'll probably do that this weekend, depending on my 'honey-do' list) so I figured I'd write a quick blog post and answer them en toto (versus en loco parentis, which is something completely different).

Traveller first. Traveller isn't really 'on hiatus'; it's more along the lines of I'm streamlining it and re-working certain plot-lines and making sure I know where exactly it's going (because I lost sight of that at the end). My current plans are to work on it this summer (I have a big vacation coming up) and post ALL OF THE REST (because I'm no longer going to post it chapter by chapter) at one time. So, my 'tentative' time-to-complete on that is 9/15/2014 (at the latest; I'm planning on 08/30/2014).

Speed Demon. I have Attention Deficit Disorder. Seriously. I'm self-diagnosed and everything. If you give me some time, I'm sure I can print out a very nice certificate stating that.

I started writing the next Speed Demon story a few weeks ago. I know exactly how it's going to turn out. I know how the story is going to end and I even know EVERYTHING that's going to happen during the story. In my head, it's already written. I even have the basic plot for the next 3 stories in this 'universe' and even have thoughts of life after 'The Order'. Trust Me; I've got this...

The problem arises because as I write up the story, I go off on tangents. The tangents lead my active imagination along different paths...which lead to different stories...and different characters. They, in turn, hi-jack my brain and demand I write down the particulars of the idea so that I don't lose it. So, I end up writing a quick chapter (or two or three), a bunch of notes on characters and what they're doing and so on. The problem is that writing those chapters leads me off on tangents...

It's like shampoo at that point. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

This is NOT necessarily a bad thing. Speed Demon and Traveller BOTH started this way. As did a number of other stories that haven't made the light of day.

I have three story folders: 'Active Stories', 'Inactive Stories', and 'Old Stories'. Everything new goes in 'Active Stories'. When I find time, I write in those stories. About once every 3 months (or so), I go through my 'Active Stories' and anything I haven't touched in that 3 month period, gets moved to 'Inactive Stories'. I then go through 'Inactive Stories' and anything that hasn't been touched in a year (or more) goes to 'Old Stories'. Sometimes, I'll use the ideas in 2 or 3 'Old Stories' and it'll become 1 'Active Story'.

Right now, in 'Active Stories', I have 9 folders and 3 untitled documents (that are so far outside my normal stuff, I haven't even titled them yet). My 'Active Stories' folders are "Drake and Tabitha - NIS" (a Naked-In-School story), "Dyson" (an ESP-centric storyline), "KylTais" (an erotic epic fantasy story), "Making Family" (basic erotic fiction that is already at 8 or 9 complete chapters and might actually get finished...or maybe not), "Sigil Saga" (a non-erotic epic fantasy story), "Titan" (basic erotic fiction), "Traveller" and 1 story I'm not going to name.

My "Inactive Stories" has 92 stories. My "Old Stories" has 327 stories. Some of these are crap. Maybe even most of them. Every now and then, though, I'll go reading some of my 'Inactive' and/or 'Old' stories and decide to work on them...which puts them back in the 'Active Story' list. "Kyltais" is one of those. The NIS one is pure newness.

One of the reasons that I wrote 'arcs' with Speed Demon is so the story was 'complete' enough that I could take some time off and I didn't feel pressured. I wanted to have the capability of following my muse. I like story ideas...I like being creative. It makes me happy.

However, there is a line between going off on creative tangents and failing to be productive. For that reason, Speed Demon Story 4 will probably get some time this weekend (depending, yet again, on that damned 'honey-do' list) and I'm hoping to get it out by the end of next week. Sooner, if I can.

I hope this explains the world I live in...

Ol'Mac! He correctly guessed (or analyzed, whatever) the two codes that were the original focus.

Congratulations to him! Maybe I'll write him into the story somewhere...

I've been answering some e-mail today and I found myself writing the same thing a number of times so I thought I'd blog it.

I've gotten a few e-mails telling me they enjoyed the stories but were wondering why I was putting them on SOL when there was no sex in them. I've responded with my 'method' - the sex enters the story when it comes. There hasn't been a reason for sex yet so I haven't written it.

I've received a lot more e-mails telling me not to worry about the sex; SOL has 'No Sex' and 'Minimal Sex' tags for a reason. I absolutely and whole-heartedly agree.

The really funny thing is that this entire series started as a sex story inspired by an internet meme. The meme depicted two rocking chairs on a porch; a black rocking chair with a young man reading a newspaper and a white chair with (what I assumed was) his grandmother knitting. They were watching some children playing in a sandbox. I don't remember the tag. My sick, twisted mind created a sex story from the meme (as my sick, twisted mind is wont to do) that basically revolved around an intermingling of two specific sex categories and dealt with an Oracle predicting the young man's future at a time in the distant past. I liked the idea and started fleshing it out and added a snip here and a cut there and sprinkled the Order of Judas in liberally with just a soupcon of a boy defending his sister's honor then added a backstory that kept getting deeper and...well...Speed Demon was the generic result.

Even more funny is that I'm still on track to hit the two original categories though I've added a few more (one of which is 'kind of' an offshoot of one of the originals). If you 'read between the lines' of the last three stories, you can probably even figure out the original two categories. While I've not been blatant about it, I've been building up to it in all three - making sure the groundwork was in place so I didn't startle anyone.

I have started worrying, however, about what's going to happen to some of the readers if the categories (and they're a part of the story - maybe even a large part - in part 4) hit a 'squick' for them. As I was agonizing over whether to make this whole series 'sexless' (remember that this started it's life as a sex story)...I realized that I was doing the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't. I was letting my vanity dictate the story.

Many of you might be aware that voting is turned off for the current 'Speed Demon' stories; the plan is to leave it off for all of them in this series. I know it's a bit blunt but...these stories are my guilty pleasure. I'm writing them for me. I share them with everyone because I'm vain and I enjoy it when I get e-mail about them - laudatory e-mails and constructive criticism both. I enjoy it so much that I often check my e-mail every 5 minutes or so for several hours after I post a story waiting for someone to write. However, the stories are really for me and I'm not going to re-write them hoping I get better reviews. If people don't like them or can't get past the sex scenes or think the sex is too slow in coming - I sincerely apologize but that's where I was planning for the story to go and the pace I wanted the story to progress at.

I learned this lesson with 'Traveller'. Long before my eye issues, I was struggling with the story. In the beginning, I'd created an outline detailing each chapter, what I wanted to happen and where each was going and why. I threw in ideas that needed to occur to 'introduce' arcs occurring later and so on. Then, I started writing and made the mistake of posting each chapter as I finished it. I absolutely loved the e-mail I received and was happier than a pig in manure. Problem was, some people had suggestions that I loved and wanted to incorporate. That led me down a path where I started making changes to my outline, moving things around to make other things fit and so on. By the time of my eye surgery, I was lost. I wasn't having fun anymore. My outline became crap, I'd lost the 'feel' of the piece...it was a mess. I didn't want that to happen with Speed Demon (and is a major reason why Traveller isn't finished yet; I plan on working on it - starting with a revised outline - so that I finish that part of the series by end of summer).

However, I'm vain and my vanity wouldn't let me write War and Peace without getting some feedback/kudos/constructive criticism. So...I am writing Speed Demon in 'arcs' that are all part of an over-arching whole. That's the reason behind the 'shorter' stories that are telling a single narrative (sort of; I'm not sure I've used narrative right in that sentence).

Now, a contest with the winner receiving a well-deserved pat on the back from me (hey, I'm poor...deal with it).

Name the original 2 categories (honestly, I want to see if I've been blatant enough to set the groundwork correctly). I have 3 clues for you (which I gave in an e-mail to 'Bruce' who was nice enough to write me):

Hint 1: I'm not talking about any of the 'core' categories such as MF, FF, mF, mf, Ff, and so on. I'm probably going to hit a bunch of those anyway.
Hint 2: Beastiality is NOT one of the categories. While not necessarily a squick of mine, I wouldn't have the faintest clue about how to write that type of thing.
Hint 3: MC (mind control) IS a category but IS NOT one of the original 2.
Hint 4: Voy and SciFi (Voy was used in the first story and all of the stories are SciFi) are NOT either of the two categories.

I'll blog the person who answers this first (so be sure to include your name/alias/handle however you want it to appear)...and probably include some of the people who get it after that.