Chapter 1
Gia Cameron moved through the morning crowd of students, swept along until she found an open space, where she could stop without being trampled. She took advantage of the opportunity to shift the backpack on her shoulder, and to examine the place where she would be spending her last year of high school. She sighed, and shook her head. The sight wasn't very encouraging.
Roosevelt High in Orange County, California, was just over fifty years old and made with light brown brick and massive dimensions. It was square and utilitarian, with two wings and three floors, and windows so small that they looked anemic. The concrete steps leading to the building had grooves worn in them from five decades of foot traffic, and the front doors showed the lumpiness of too many repaintings, their brass handles pitted with tarnish. To top it off, the old structure sported a European style roof that was sharply peeked, as if to shed the crushing weight of heavy snow. It looked ridiculous, a total anachronism in this climate that could go for years without so much as a single flake.
Anachronism, she thought, chiding herself. Better watch the vocabulary, G. It's bad enough being the new girl, without being a brain, too.
Gia was almost seventeen, and had grown up in Orange County, although not in this school district. She'd had to change schools when her family moved to a larger house this summer. That was one strike against her, that she was the new kid with no friends to help her settle in. Strike two was that she was a straight A student who had made the honor roll last year. She would certainly be one of the brightest students at her new school, and nobody likes the smart ones. And strike three was that she had skipped a grade, and was probably the youngest girl in the whole senior class. There seemed no end to the conditions that would guarantee she would be a social pariah.
And wasn't there a fourth strike? Oh yeah, I'm gay.
Gia sighed, and started to climb the stairs and make her way through the crowd of students that were doing likewise. The gay thing could probably be ignored for now, it being the best kept secret in the world. Even she hadn't known it until this past summer, when she was finally forced to admit it to herself. She had told no one, not her friends and especially not her all male family, and had never acted on her impulses with another girl. No one had a clue, and for now at least, she intended to keep it that way.
Gia caught herself daydreaming, when a group of students coming out through the front doors pushed her back and she stumbled. She almost fell backwards, but stopped abruptly when she caught up against someone else, someone who her mind could only register as bigger, before that same person sent her reeling forward with a violent shove. The double assault was too much for her, with the result that she was sent sprawling on the ground amidst a sea of passing feet.
"Hey BITCH, watch where the hell you're going! You think you own the whole damned sidewalk!?"
The snarled outburst came from a blonde girl, older than Gia, who now stood glowering down at her. The girl wore old and baggy clothes, a denim jacket with cut off sleeves over a too large T-shirt and cargo pants, and an aggressive scowl that threatened harm to whoever it was aimed at.
"Geez, don't go all psycho on me," Gia snapped back, as she took stock for damage. She was more annoyed than intimidated, being worried about the condition of her new school clothes. "Somebody shoved me from in front, I didn't even see you."
"Yeah, well you better see me next time, you stupid cunt, or I'll stomp all over you!" With that the blonde girl pushed past her, disappearing through the doors and into the depths of the crowded school corridors.
Gia said something under her breath that would have probably gotten her grounded if her father had heard it, and then tried to get to her feet. The process was complicated by the heavy book bag still slung from her shoulder, but a hand appeared out of the passing throng to help her up. Gratefully she took it, and when once more on her feet she turned to the hand's owner and said, "Thanks."
"You're welcome," said the good Samaritan, and she saw that it was another girl. Gia took a few seconds to check her out, the way she had been checking out girls for months now, and saw that she was very pretty. She had straight brown hair that hung down to her shoulders, full lips that looked nice when she smiled, and twinkly blue eyes. Like everyone else around here she seemed both taller and older than her, but not by much. Cute, but not really her type. In her mind Gia immediately classified her as a potential friend, but probably not 'girlfriend' material.
"Congratulations, you've just had your first run in with 'the Beast', AKA Becka Jackson. And congratulations on surviving it. My name's Sammie Waters."
"Gia Cameron. Thanks, I think. So what's her problem?"
"Permanent PMS? Who knows. She's just trouble, best to avoid whenever possible. She's also supposed to be a badassed bulldyke, so don't let her corner you in the bathroom."
Gia blinked, shocked by the coincidence. That other girl was a lesbian? Just like her? The first girl she had ever met who shared the same sorts of desires she did was this ferocious, foul mouthed bully who had just threatened her? No, it couldn't be, this was just too bizarre to be true.
Still, as she and Sammie Waters made their own way down the hallway, she couldn't stop herself from wondering about what kind of body the blonde girl had, underneath all those baggy clothes.
Those first two weeks were busy, and not nearly as difficult as Gia had feared. The new school turned out to be just a larger version of her old one, with most of the same rules, both written and unwritten. The teachers were already fond of her, being attracted by her quick mind and eagerness to learn, a definite contrast to most of the other students who seemed to want to just drift through their education. Her introduction to her fellow classmates went well too, thanks mostly to her new friend Sammie. Like herself Sam was a Senior, but unlike her she had gone to the same local schools as the rest of the students, and in fact had known many of them her whole life. She proved to be the grease that allowed Gia to slide into the busy machine of Roosevelt High.
The one disturbing note though was the presence of the blonde girl who had knocked her down on her first day, Becka Jackson, the girl her friend claimed was a lesbian. She was easy to spot, walking down the hallways in her shapeless clothes that looked like a bag lady's rejects. She strode through the corridors like a force of nature, exuding energy, a permanent scowl fixed on her face. She was intimidating as a wild animal is intimidating, even when it's behind bars in a zoo. Her path seemed to generate ripples of unease wherever she went, and some of the more timid students actually scurried to get out of her way. And Gia couldn't take her eyes off of her.
She had two classes with Becka, a study hall and an American Government class. Gia found herself watching the older girl, spying on her over the top of her book or out of the corner of her eye. She kept trying to picture what Becka's body was like, whether it was fat or thin, or if she had nice legs or not, but the baggy clothing defeated her. About the only thing she decided was that if Becka would wash her face and brush her hair, maybe put a little makeup on and for God's sake stop scowling, she would probably be very pretty.
On a Monday two weeks after her first encounter with the blonde girl, Gia broke a shoelace while trotting out to the practice field with her gym class. She told her coach, who gave her permission to go back to the locker room and replace the broken lace. She walked back with the shoe in her hand, in a hurry to fix it and return to the soccer game that was being played in her absence. She failed to notice the figure in the stands that watched her go, and then silently stood up to follow her.
Gia had just about worked the combination on her locker when she sensed the presence behind her, too late to avoid the hand that caught her between the shoulder blades and sent her face first into the metal door. The lockers shook under the impact. She cried out, but felt it cut short when a heavy body slammed into her back, pinning her down and driving the air from her lungs. She knew who it was before she heard the voice that hissed in her ear.
"You fucking bitch! You think I don't see you looking at me all day? Eyeballing me in class, staring at me in the halls, acting like I'm some sort of freak? Well, fuck you! I'm not here for anybody to laugh at, d'ya hear me? I'm gonna show you what I do to rich little yuppie bitches that think they're better than me."
Gia felt the pressure on her back lessen as the other girl eased some of her weight off, although not enough to let her turn around. Yet it was more than enough to let the bigger girl's hand slide up her body and painfully grip her right breast. Too late, she remembered Sammie's words.
'She's also supposed to be a badassed bulldyke, so don't let her corner you in the bathroom'.
It seemed that Sammie knew what she was talking about. But Gia felt no fear as the other girl groped at her breast underneath the gym uniform, only a strange, growing excitement. Gia had her own secrets, and she was confident that she could get away from the other girl any time she wanted to. But did she? This was the first time that she had ever been touched sexually by another girl, and even if it was more of a mauling than a lover's caress, it was still doing something wonderful to her. It was what she had fantasized about, dreamed about, for almost a year now. The knowledge that she was perfectly safe made her decide to let it play out.
She felt the other girl's body pressing against her, heard Becka's harsh breath rasping in her ear. Both of the blonde girl's hands were now on Gia's breasts, squeezing, massaging, pinching her nipples through the fabric of her jersey and bra. She felt a flush race through her body, making her gasp in pleasure. When Becka's right hand left her breast and started to drift downwards, she had to bite her lower lip to keep from moaning out loud.
It was such a bizarre situation. Becka Jackson had come here to hurt her, but instead was giving her more pleasure than she had ever dreamed of before. Her entire being was thrumming with her desire, waves of sensation fanning out from wherever the other girl's body touched hers. She wanted to scream, to cry out and give vent to all the incredible sensations that she was experiencing. But she didn't dare, because if she did she might end up scaring her attacker away. Totally bizarre!
Becka suddenly pulled away, grabbed Gia by the shoulders, turned her around and slammed her painfully back against the metal lockers. With both hands she grasped the bottom of Gia's jersey, pulling it up over her head, then dragging it off by brute force. Gia didn't resist, and in seconds she stood before the other girl wearing nothing above the waist but a plain white cotton sports bra. Then her attacker grabbed the straps of the bra and pulled it down hard, pinning her arms and popping Gia's breasts out into the open.
Becka stood staring at those breasts for a long while, seeing how beautiful they were, small but perfectly round with dark brown nipples that stood out like little bullets. She gave a hungry moan so deep in her throat that no one could hear it but herself, and then grabbed them in both hands as she brought her mouth down and began to tongue and suckle her like a child.
The little bitch was as pliant as a giant doll. She didn't fight when Becka took her shorts and panties and pulled them down, but she didn't help her, either. When Becka grabbed her by the hair and forced her to her back onto the bench she submitted, but she waited until Becka grabbed her knees before she let her legs come apart.
She called the rich bitch little whore a few more choice names, as she held her down with a hand to her belly, looking at the hairy little spot before her. She suddenly slapped it, not hard, but hard enough to make the bitch yelp and jerk upwards, and to let her know who's boss. Then she stroked it, felt the silky fine black hairs in the bikini cut, and breathed in the musty smell of her.
Christ, this little bitch is so hot! she thought, taking a moment to look up along the perfect body before her. The long black hair and the smooth brown skin, that made such a contrast against her own whiteness, and felt like silk over velvet. Those breasts and that tiny little waist, and that belly that she wanted to rub her tongue all over. The girl was small, a good half a foot or more under her own 5'7", but Becka really liked short girls. Not that she had ever had any. Toni was the only one she had ever been with, and she was even taller than Becka was. But she knew what she liked, what attracted her in another girl, and this one had everything.
And yet what Becka liked most about Gia was also the thing that disturbed her the most. It was her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that she had seen watching her for the past two weeks. She instinctively longed to gaze into them, to drown in them, to disappear into their rich warm depths. But she was too afraid of what the other girl might see when she looked in her own. Her hunger, her loneliness. Her weakness. No, she didn't dare do that. That's not how you survived. Which was why those eyes had so enraged her, and had brought on this confrontation.
'Yeah, that sweet little girl pussy, Becka. Nothin' else like it. Especially if they don't want to give it up'.
Toni's words, but she took them up anyway, used them to justify what she was doing now. She made them a barricade against the guilt that was clamoring at her, locked it up and shoved it into a corner, even as she lowered her mouth to the girl's soft parts and began to suckle them.
Gia felt the first touch of another girl's lips on her as an electric jolt, the long anticipated meeting almost causing her to climax right then. The experienced girl's tongue tickled and twined, sending electric shudders out like ripples in a pond. She nuzzled and kissed her way over Gia's flesh, with a gentleness that was in shocking contrast to her earlier abuse. Waves of pleasure flowed outward from there, washing through her body in gold tinged sensations. She tried to hold back, to take it in and make it last, but she couldn't do it for long. When Becka finally touched her tongue to Gia there, she came, a thunderous wave that arched her back and forced her body to grind against the other girl's face. She screamed, a raw sound that echoed off the hard concrete walls and metal lockers. It left her both limp and trembling. In the end Becka seemed reluctant to pull away, and admit that the wild ride had ended for her, as well.
Becka raised herself up, shaking, looking down at Gia's damp curls, finding herself unable to look at the girl's face. "Bitch," she muttered, as she gave her privates another slap. The younger girl's body jerked, but she gave no other sign as Becka stood up and stumbled towards the sink.
Becka rubbed angrily at her face, at the last vestiges of the other girls taste. She looked at her reflection in the mirror from under hooded eyes, and fought down the urge to throw up.
'I tell ya Becka, you're so lucky to still be in school, surrounded by all that sweet young trim. Take advantage of it kiddo, get as much of it as you can. And if they won't give it up, just take it anyway. Hey, that's what I did with you, right?'
Toni again, but Toni had lied. It wasn't good, what she had done. It didn't leave her feeling better, it just made her feel sick. What she had just done was something he would have done, and for a timeless instant she saw him looking back at her from the mirror. She turned on the tap and splashed water on her face, trying to wash away more than just dirt. Christ, she had to get out of here.
She turned to the side so she wouldn't have to look back at the girl when she left, but stopped when she heard Gia call her name.
"Hey, Jackson."
Becka turned around in time to meet the foot that slammed into her stomach, hard. Bright pain blossomed in her belly as the wind left her lungs in an explosive grunt, and her feet actually left the ground from the force of the kick. She slammed back against the tiled wall, barely holding herself up. In shock she looked up to see the nearly nude girl she had just molested standing over her. Calmly the tiny brunette paused to pull her bra up over her naked breasts, and then just stood there, patiently waiting.
The pain didn't subside, but Becka regained some control when she was at last able to draw a breath. Her familiar weapon of 'anger' returned, and with a bestial growl she tried to stand. But instead she found herself thrown back against the wall as Gia stiff armed her with a hand to the chest, a hand that ended up taking one of her own breasts and squeezing it, hard. She howled at this new assault and tried to grab the offending hand, only to have her own suddenly locked in the other girl's grip, the wrist bent back almost to the breaking point. Helplessly she found herself forced to the ground by her arm, controlled as effortlessly as a piece of luggage.
Becka's arm was jerked upwards and straightened, her face forced to the floor. Gia's bare foot, the same one that had kicked her in the stomach, was now planted firmly at her throat. She couldn't move, she couldn't fight, she could barely breathe. She was totally helpless, so Becka did what she always did. She went away.
"Maybe you never heard my last name, is that it, Becka?" Gia said, giving the other girl's arm another twist for emphasis. "It's Gia Cameron, as in 'Cameron Martial Art's. You must've seen it, Becka, it's that blue building across the street just south of the mall. It's the biggest martial arts school in Orange County, and my Dad owns it and my three brothers all teach there. They've been training me since I was seven, and you better believe that I could've put you down at any time.
"Whatever happened, Becka, it happened because I wanted it to. I wanted to feel another girl touching me, I wanted to see what that was like. So I let you do that to me, Becka, do you hear? I let you! You didn't take anything from me, and if you're ever stupid enough to try to... to..."
Gia stopped, feeling the words catch in her throat, staring at the girl on the floor under her foot. Becka's face had gone still, as hard and unmoving as a mannequin's. Her jaw was clenched and her lips were tight, and her eyes seemed to be focused on nothing, just staring off into the distance at something Gia couldn't even see, and probably wouldn't want to if she could.
In all of her experience in the martial arts, Gia had never seen anybody who looked like Becka did right now. Especially not while in a takedown like she now had her in. She had seen pain and anger, grimaces and scowls, and even heard proud laughter when it was her Dad she had been practicing the move on. But she had never seen such a cold, empty look. Except, maybe once.
Experimentally, Gia gave Becka's arm another twist to increase the pain. She gave out a little grunt but showed no other sign that she had even felt it. Gia didn't understand what was happening with her, but that dead eyed stare was really freaking her out. She was a decent and compassionate person, and she did not like hurting other people. This girl had attacked her and tried to rape her, but in the face of that blank eyed death stare she just couldn't find it in herself to keep this up. She let go of Becka's arm and took her foot from the girl's throat, and then stepped back as if she were afraid the other girl would explode. But she didn't, she just lay there with her cheek pressed against the floor, her face as cold as a stone gargoyle's. Waiting.
"Becka, get up. Come on now, I'm not going to hurt you. You can go, and I won't tell anybody what happened, but you've got to get up and leave, right now."
Slowly the other girl responded, rising to her feet, but not looking at Gia or meeting her gaze. She just turned around and shambled out of the locker room, with that same empty look still on her face. Gia shivered when the door closed. She felt like she had just had a visit with the living dead.
Gia looked for Becka after school but couldn't find her, which wasn't surprising since the older girl had ditched class for the rest of the day. Gia was worried, and found herself feeling greatly concerned for her. Becka's stare had unnerved her, but she also remembered the strange gentleness that had come over her when she had lain between Gia's legs. It was almost as if she were two different people. Or maybe one person who just didn't know what she wanted, or how to get to it when she did.
Sammie and a couple of other friends wanted to go over to one girl's home and play her new Eminem CD, but Gia begged off, saying she had to do something for her Dad. The others waved as they drove off, and Gia caught the bus downtown to the mall and her father's martial arts studio. When she got there she flew past the workout and training areas without stopping, and ended up in the back in her fathers cluttered little office. Her father was on the phone, so she lay her books down and sat on his lap, giving him a kiss on the cheek but otherwise just waiting patiently until he was done with his call.
When he was done Phil Cameron took his daughter in his arms and gave her a ferocious bear hug, accompanied by an extremely sloppy kiss on the cheek, complete with disgusting sound effects. Gia laughed, totally enveloped. Her father was a big man, and his hugs had always made her feel warm and safe.
"Hey punkin, what are you doing here? Not that I mind, but what's a nice girl like you doing in a dump like this?"
"Oh, a girl can't come visit her old man anymore? Maybe you're hiding something from me. Maybe you've got some pretty young chica hiding in the back room? Spill it, you old teddy bear, what have you got?"
Phil laughed, good naturedly. It was an old joke between him and his daughter. Phil hadn't been out with another woman since his Lupe had died four years ago, and Gia kept urging him to, trying to remind him that he was still a man and that it was all right for him to see other women. Phil had taken his daughter's efforts with a smile, but had continued on in his solitary ways. It took a long time for a man to get over a woman like Lupe, and he just wasn't ready to take that last step and let her go, not yet anyway.
Gia sighed and got up reluctantly from her father's embrace, and settled down in the chair across from him. What she had to talk about was too serious to be said from the comfort of his lap, and had to be told face to face. Phil recognized the signs, and sat up in his chair, prepared to give his full attention to what his daughter had to say.
"Dad, I got into a fight at school today."
Phil groaned. "Already? Christ, Gia, you've only been there two weeks!"
"It wasn't my fault, Dad. I bumped into this other girl my first day at Roosevelt, and I haven't talked to her since. Today she jumped me in the locker room, just threw me up against the lockers and pinned me there."
"Uh huh. And you did?"
"Snapping front kick, wrist hold and takedown, foot on the throat pin. Nothing fancy, nothing over the line. And then I tried to dominate her just like you taught me. You know, give her enough of a scare that she wouldn't try this again. Daddy, when I did that she... she just kind of disappeared! I don't mean like 'puff of smoke' disappeared, I mean it was suddenly like her body was there, but the rest of her wasn't. Like she had gone someplace else so she wouldn't have to feel it when I hurt her.
"Dad, you remember Johnny T, the homeless guy in the Army jacket who used to hang around in the alley out back? The one you used to buy donuts for, who said he had been in Viet Nam?"
"He wasn't just saying that, honey, he had been there. I talked to him a bit, and we exchanged war stories. What about him?"
"Well you remember how he would sometimes stop in the middle of a conversation and just stare at nothing, with that creepy look on his face? You called it his thousand yard stare, and you said that people who had been in a really terrible war sometimes got them. Well, that was the way Becka looked, Dad. Like she had been in a war, or maybe like she was still in one."
Her father sat for a while, saying nothing, soberly considering the implications of what Gia had just told him. Phil Cameron knew his daughter, was proud of her and respected her judgment and insight. It never once occurred to him to doubt her on this.
"Honey, I think maybe you'd better tell me all that you can about this girl."
That night Gia was unusually quite at dinner, not rude, but not joining in with her brother's usual horseplay. After the meal she excused herself and climbed the stairs to her room, closed the door and turned on her computer. When it had booted up and logged her on she brought up her favorite search engine and sent it's questing fingers out into the ether.
The parameters she used in her search were 'abuse, women, incest'.
On Tuesday Becka sat in her usual place at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, alone, mechanically eating the sandwich and candy bar that she had brought from home in a brown paper bag. She didn't really taste the sandwich, didn't really hear or see what was going on around her, in fact she didn't really think about anything at all. It was one of those days where she felt dead inside, the kind that had been occurring more and more lately. There was a part of her that was beginning to think that this was the natural state of things.
Somebody sat down in the chair next to her, an event so unusual that it had the effect of snapping her out of her apathy. She was startled and dismayed to find that it was that girl, Gia Cameron. The one she had attacked yesterday, but who had instead turned the tables on her so easily. Becka's heart jumped, as she felt the sudden panicky urge to get up and run.
"Mind if I sit here?" said Gia, laying down a plastic lunch box on the table. She didn't wait for an answer, but started taking out items wrapped in plastic from the boxes interior.
As if I had a choice, thought Becka, darkly. Yesterday Gia had proven herself stronger than her, and in Becka's world that meant that sooner or later the other girl would hurt her, maybe even hurt her bad. Mixed with that was the knowledge that this girl had just cause to hate her, and the combination sent little fear trembles up and down Becka's spine.
"Hey, you like Toll house cookies? I baked them myself this morning. Here, help yourself." Gia slid an open Ziploc bag of the homemade cookies across the table to her. They were chocolate chip.
She felt the panic again, squeezing her heart in a vise. Cookies? I rape her like a dog and she gives me cookies? What kind of crap is this?
Becka suddenly scrambled to her feet, leaving the remains of her lunch and trying to bolt. But Gia grabbed her hand with a grip like iron, holding her. Caught off balance she tried to pull away but couldn't. Becka felt the desperation of a trapped animal rise up.
"Becka, wait! Don't go, Becka, please! I don't want to hurt you, I promise."
It wasn't the promise that made Becka stop struggling, and then slowly turned back around. People made promises all the time, they meant nothing. But people who were going to hurt you never said please, they just did it. Warily, she sat back down.
"W-what do you want with me?" Becka said, hating the tremble in her voice. It seemed she was always finding reasons to hate herself these days, to hate her weaknesses. She eyed Gia suspiciously from underneath beetled brows, the familiar scowl settling back onto her features.
Gia sighed, and then looked around, making sure that nobody could overhear their conversation.
"Look, I told you that I wasn't going to hurt you. I saw that look on your face, the one you had when I had you on the ground, and I didn't like it. I don't want to see it again. So as long as you don't try to hurt me, and I don't see you trying to hurt anybody else, I won't hurt you back. Okay?
"But remember this, Becka. If I ever hear of you trying that shit on another girl, all bets are off! You tried to rape me, you thought you had done it, too. I won't let you do that to someone else who can't defend themselves like I can."
Becka blushed, squirming in her chair. The shame of what she had done, tried to do, was still with her.
"I'm sorry," she muttered, avoiding Gia's gaze. "I never did that before. I won't do it again, ever. I promise."
Gia cocked one eyebrow at the other girl, frowning. A smile curved its way onto her lips.
"Oh, you are so lying! No way was that the first time you ever went down on someone. You're just too damn good at it."
Becka blushed again, fidgeting, but saw the twinkle in Gia's eyes. It wasn't a malicious look, Gia wasn't trying to put her down, or to make her feel small. The smile was actually friendly. Becka decided that she really liked that kind of smile. She didn't see them too often.
"No, I mean... I didn't mean I've never done pussy before. I meant that I never made somebody else do it with me. I've only done it with one other girl, Toni, and she's lots bigger than me."
Gia nodded, accepting the other girl's word. "Okay, I believe you. And like I said before, you didn't really rape me, I let you do it. I've never been with another girl before, and I just really wanted to know what it was like.
"Becka, I only realized that I was gay this past summer. I didn't have any lesbian friends I could talk too, and the few girls in my old school that everybody said were gay, I didn't know them well enough to talk to about it. So when I got here and everybody said that you were gay, I was fascinated. That's why I was staring at you all week. I was trying to figure out if you really were a lesbian."
Becka scowled, her defensive responses kicking in at the suspected criticism. "So you just wanted to see the freak, is that it?"
Gia frowned. "I just got finished telling you that I like girls, too. So if you're a freak, what does that make me?"
Becka blinked, overcome by the simple logic. She stared at Gia for a while, then said, "So when you were looking at me all those times, you were... ?"
"Yup," said Gia, taking a cookie and leaning back in her chair. "I was picturing you naked."
Becka couldn't help it, she felt the laughter burst out of her like a soap bubble popping. Gia grinned back, producing two cans of Coke from her lunchbox, still cold from the vending machine. Becka helped herself to some of the Toll house cookies that Gia had made. The two girls sat in companionable silence, broken by an occasional giggle, blissing out on caffeine and chocolate.
"Gia?"
Becka had been feeling pretty good, no longer worried about what was going to happen, just enjoying the moment with Gia when she heard the voice tentatively call her name. She felt her stomach clench when she saw that it was the girl with the boy's name, Sammie, who usually hung out with Gia. Behind her were the two others that Gia customarily ate with, Justine and Kelly.
"Umm, Gia, were you going to sit with us?" asked Sammie, hesitatingly, looking out of the corner of her eye at Becka.
This is it, she thought, feeling the old barriers rising again. She's going to go with them, and it'll be over. She'll go back to her yuppie friends and she'll tell them what a freak I am. They'll all laugh at me, and then she'll never talk to me again.
But before the darkness could settle over her she felt her heart skip, when Gia just shook her head. "Not today, Sam. Becka and I have some stuff to talk about. I'll see you later in math class."
The three girls left, casting curious glances over their shoulders. Gia Cameron and Becka Jackson? Sitting together, sharing lunch? Laughing? So weird!
Becka sat looking at Gia, wonderingly. What had just happened? Had the other girl really just chosen her over her three friends? Why?
"You didn't go with them," she said, watching Gia's face closely.
The cookies were long gone, and Gia had just taken a bite of her turkey sandwich. She stopped to wash it down with a hit from the can of Coke. "Nope."
"Why?" Becka asked. "Why didn't you go with them?"
"Because right now, I'd rather be with you."
Becka was afraid to ask the question, but more afraid not to know.
"You said you liked it when I went down on you. Is that why you're being so nice to me? Because you want me to fuck you again?"
Gia took her time answering. The abuse websites she had surfed last night had all agreed on honesty as being paramount to any relationship with an abuse victim, especially a victim of incest. One single lie could close them down completely. Gia decided that she would also be candid.
"A little bit, I guess. Not that much, though. I liked it, I liked it a lot. And if you say it's okay, I probably would like to do it again. But the biggest reason was that look I saw on your face. I told you I didn't like it, and I know I'm not the one who first put it there. But I still don't want to see it again."
Becka felt her chest tighten again. She just feels sorry for me. Like some stray cat she found in an alley.
She felt the resentment rise, tried to use it like always before, to power a harsh and abusive comeback. But she couldn't make it happen, couldn't seem to fan her emotions into their usual smoldering anger. Could she really want this girl's sympathy? Need it, even? Jesus, what was wrong with her?
"I don't need your pity," she finally managed to mutter.
For a moment it was as if the whole cafeteria had gone silent, and the temperature at the little table seemed to drop.
Gia's eyes hardened, her voice taking on the same edge it had when she had stood over Becka, with her foot at the other girl's throat.
"I didn't offer you any, bitch. I offered you something else. But maybe you're just too stupid to figure that out."
Gia cleaned up her lunch, putting the Ziplocs and her empty Coke can in the lunchbox and sealing it up. She rose and started to walk away, and once again Becka found herself panicking, her heart seeming to stop in her chest. What had she just done?
Gia stopped and half turned around, saying over her shoulder, "See you after school?"
Becka felt her heartbeat start again as she nodded numbly. She felt it double when she saw the play of hips underneath Gia's tight jeans as she walked away.
They met outside when the last class ended, and decided to go over to Becka's house, which was only a few blocks from there. Gia lived farther away, and usually took the bus. Becka asked her how she would get home. Gia took a small silver cell phone from her book bag and showed it to Becka.
"Miracles of modern technology. My Dad gave this to me for my birthday, in case I was stranded and ever needed help. My brothers have standing orders to drop everything and give me a ride home when I call."
Becka felt that familiar longing in her heart when she heard somebody say something nice about their families. Her old man wouldn't have given her so much as a quarter for the payphone, and if she had ever called for a ride, he would have laughed his head off.
"Your Dad sounds nice," she said, shyly.
"Yeah, he is. So are all my brothers. They spoil me rotten."
"What about your Mom?"
"She died, four years ago. Drunk driver. Yours?"
"She's dead too. Hepatitis-B. She did a lot of drugs."
Gia felt the sympathy for this strange girl rise anew in her, but she fought it down. It wouldn't do to let her see it, not after the way she had acted about pity at lunch. She struggled to keep her voice neutral.
"That's too bad. How long ago?"
"Six years, I guess. I don't remember her so good anymore. This is her jacket that I'm wearing."
Gia looked at the denim jacket with the cutoff sleeves. It was old, faded from many washings, worn from years of long use. There were places where tears had been carefully repaired by hand, and someone, either Becka or her Mom, had made an effort to decorate it with a red ink pen. The largest design was an eagle on the back, which looked like it had been copied from the back of a quarter.
"It's nice, ' Gia said, meaning it. "It was your mother's. I'm not big enough to were any of my Mom's things yet, but when I am I think I'd like to do what you're doing. Just pick something of hers and wear it all the time."
Becka nodded, and the two girls continued to walk along in silence. It was an important moment to both of them, the sharing of a mutual loss, and it forged another bond. Becka felt like something cold inside of her was finally beginning to thaw.
Becka pulled to a sudden halt when she heard the raucous heavy metal music coming from her home. "Shit, ' she muttered, and then grabbed Gia by the hand. "C'mon."
Gia followed, curious but trusting, finding that she liked holding hands with Becka. The older girl led the way through several backyards where the weeds and other growth ran riot, eventually coming up on her own property. She pulled Gia down to sit on the thick grass of a copse of trees that she had used before to spy on her own house, completely concealed by the brush and heavy branches. From the rear of the house came the sound of harsh male laughter and the breaking of something glass.
"My old man must've scored some blow. He's got his friends over and they're partying. We can't go over there now, it wouldn't be safe for you."
"That's okay," said Gia, trying to choke back the question that had lodged in her throat like a rock. But what about you? Is it safe for you?
Becka seemed to hear the unasked question anyway. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and looked away.
"I'll be fine, don't worry about me. I'll just wait awhile for them to really get into it, and then I'll slip in the back to my room. I've done it before. I'll just lock my door and they won't even know I'm there."
Don't worry about me, she had said. It came as a shock to realize that somebody actually would worry about her. That someone would care. She turned away so that Gia wouldn't see the misty look building in her eyes.
"Does your Dad do a lot of drugs?"
Becka shrugged. "He deals. Every time he makes a big score, he parties with his buddies."
"And when they do, it's dangerous for you too, isn't it?"
Becka didn't reply.
"You don't have to, you know. You can stay at my place tonight. We've got plenty of room."
Gia had put a hand on Becka's knee when she made the offer, and it burned like blue electricity going through her. But it failed to warm the cold dread that came into her heart at the thought of having to meet Gia's oh so perfect and loving family. She couldn't handle that, not now, not this soon. It hurt to say it, but she had no choice.
"No, that's okay. I told you, I've done this before. You call your Dad, and have him pick you up, okay?"
Gia just looked at her for a while, her eyes boring a hole in the side of Becka's head, as if she would let out all the lies and deceptions that were Becka's life, and have them drain like pus from a lanced boil. Finally she seemed to come to a decision.
She shifted on her knees to where Becka sat in the grass, put her hands on the other girl's shoulders, and slowly increased the pressure until she bore her unresisting to the ground. Soon she lay on top of Becka, breast to breast, absently playing with one of her curls as she looked into the other girl's blue eyes.
Becka's breath caught in her throat, and for the first time she let herself sink into those beautiful brown pools. When Gia finally kissed her, she thought that it was the softest thing in the world.
It wasn't a make out session like Gia had experienced when she was still dating boys, or like the oral rutting that Becka did with Toni. There was passion in it for sure, but for Becka there was also healing, and acceptance, and the realization that somebody finally cared whether she lived or died. It was the knowledge that if someone this wonderful could see something worthwhile in her, than maybe she wasn't so worthless after all. For Gia it was a pledge, a promise to this oh so strange girl that she now had a part in her life.
It ended without a bang, but rather with a chiirp. Gia's cell phone had gone off. She reluctantly disengaged from Becka's arms and sat up, opening the phone with a practiced flip of her wrist. Becka felt a dizzy rush of blood through her head, as she listened to the one sided conversation.
"Yeah, Daddy, I'm fine, I'm over at a friend's house. No, her name's Becka, you don't know her. Yeah, okay, I'm ready to come home. You can send 'Berto, can't you? Because he's got the Mustang, of course. Just a minute, Daddy," She held her hand over the phone and looked at Becka. "Do you want to stay with us, Becka? At least for tonight, while your Dad's friends are here?"
There was a pleading note to Gia's voice that Becka knew was genuine, a sign of her concern. But for now it didn't change anything, she still couldn't face the Cameron family yet. She shook her head, but inside she treasured Gia's concern like horded gold.
Gia sighed, but let it go. She told her father to pick her up on a corner a block over, and then closed the phone and put it away in her bag. She leaned over Becka and gave her a final kiss, one which twined their tongues into a sensuous knot. She whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow," and then faded away into the bushes, following the track that they had made to come here.
Becka waited ten minutes and then rose, heading the opposite direction to what Gia had taken. No way was she going to stay under the same roof as her old man and a bunch of his scum buddies, high on coke and meth and whatever else they had gotten a hold of. She'd spend the night at Toni's place. Better to have to screw her than to be passed around like a bag of Doritos.