Chapter 19: Recovering

Tracy Has Her Effect

December, 1974

The summer holidays were now in full swing. With my budding solo folk music career on hold (and hopefully Janice on hold – permanently), it was back to playing at the Mirage, now both Friday and Saturday nights. Since my driving test due on my birthday, I did lots of practice for that, if I didn’t pass it on the first go, on my birthday, I would have to wait until after the New Year break before I could try it again. But I felt pretty confident; I spent about an hour after dinner each evening with my father, not just driving around, but practicing the various manoeuvres; hill starts, three point turns, reverse parking, and unless I made some stupid mistake, I should pass.

Most days, when the weather was fine, Lori, Janelle and I would meet at Bungan beach, and sunbathe nude, when we could. Unlike last summer, the sexual tension that existed between the three of us (actually, the four of us, if you counted Cathy) wasn’t there; well, not to the same degree. There was some good-natured teasing, particularly if I happened to get an erection, which would sometimes happen if I was looking at one or the other of them, or when one of us would need to have a pee, or we spied some other topless or naked people nearby. But I never felt that we were on the verge of slipping back into the type of sexual activities we did last summer. Janelle never once suggested we resume the relationship we had until Cathy and I broke up, either. I think we all enjoyed just hanging out together, being friends, without any pressures or expectations on us. Particularly now school and the pressure of exams and the associated study were behind us, at least for two months, we enjoyed the sense of relaxation.

However, the beach was becoming more and more popular, and we started to think of alternatives, where we would be alone. Once again, Lori suggested we could take their boat to Maitland Bay, on the north side of Broken Bay. It wouldn’t take us long to get there, unless the weather was bad and the wind was strong from the south. Since the beach was open to the south, it would be unpleasant there, and quite possibly dangerous taking the boat across the two miles from Pittwater through what was the open ocean. The thing that finally convinced us was the day, a few days before my birthday, when we arrived at “our” spot, only to find several families with about twelve young kids nearby. We stayed there for less than an hour; the kids were running around, laughing and screaming, kicking up sand, and making it impossible to relax.

In between all of that, I did some Christmas shopping, mainly records for some friends, stuff for my family, things like that. I did want to get something for Lori, something a bit special, considering how good a friend she had been since August. I wasn’t sure what to get her; I wanted something to show how much I appreciated her friendship, without it appearing as if I wanted her – or saw her – as my girlfriend. Finally, I picked out a simple gold chain for her to wear around her neck; almost identical to the one she gave me last year. I would have to find a way to give it to her when Janelle wasn’t around; I didn’t want Janelle to think I was starting to treat Lori differently.

Finally, my birthday arrived. While I didn’t get anything as fantastic as the Rhodes, unlike the previous year, my parents gave me a new guitar; this one an electric-acoustic model. I could connect this to the second input on the amp I used for the Rhodes when we played at the Mirage. It would take some practice until my fingers were able to handle the steel strings, unlike the nylon ones on my other guitar.

After a late breakfast it was time for the driving exam. My mother drove in to Manly with me, and I waited, nervously, until my name was called. After all of the practising, the actual exam was a bit of a letdown. Fifteen minutes driving around, turning here, pulling over there, parking, reversing, and back to the motor registry. Back in the car part, the examiner gruffly said, “Well, I guess you’ve passed,” and that was it. Fifteen minutes later, we left, with my crisp new licence in my wallet and the two “P” provisional plates on the car. Now that was my idea of a birthday present.

That evening, Janelle, Lori, Janice, Garry and Sarah came around for a small party and barbecue, and they were all pleased I got my licence. After dinner, Lori reminded me that I had been invited to watch the Sydney – Hobart start with her family, this time Jack was sailing, and we were taking their boat down to the harbour to watch.

“At least he will get to race down this year,” Lori said. “But as soon as he gets into Hobart, he has to get a plane back here, since Mom and Dad have to fly to Virginia, to Dad’s head office on the third.”

“So, no camp this summer?” I asked her.

She had mentioned this before, and the three of us had talked about things we could do during January, since I would be at home while the rest of my family were up the coast.

“No, but I was getting bored of that place anyway,” she replied. “Besides, we can have our own private camp, just the three of us this time, over at Maitland Bay, or out on the boat.”

“Yeah, I think everyone else will be away somewhere, so we will have things to ourselves,” I replied. “What about Mary-Beth, would she want to hang around?”

Lori’s sister would also be at home with her, now that she was back from her year overseas.

“I doubt it,” Lori replied. “She is out every day, and most nights too, catching up on her old friends – mainly old boyfriends.”

“What are you suggesting?” Janelle asked, as she came up.

“Just that the three of us take the boat to Maitland Bay to go swimming,” Lori answered her. “Maybe we can go early next week?”

“I could do that, Monday, for sure, not Tuesday, I’m playing at the Mirage that night,” I replied.

We settled on the arrangement – weather being suitable, of course. Janelle suggested the possibility of us going up the river, and staying overnight, but I wasn’t all that sure if I was ready for that. Lori seemed keen, though, and said we could consider it; her father would let her take the boat out overnight, but not out to sea.

When it was time for people to go, I offered to drive Lori and Janelle home, since I was now able to drive. Garry was keen to go somewhere with Sarah, but gallantly said he would drive Janice the short distance to her place. I discreetly grabbed Lori’s Christmas present, and slipped it into my pocket. While the girls were around the passenger side of the car, I put Lori’s present on the parcel shelf under my side of the dashboard.

“Who sits where?” Janelle asked. “Can I sit in the front?”

“You can both get in the front,” I replied. “There’s room on that bench seat for the three of us.”

Janelle quickly slid into the front, so she was next to me, and Lori sat on the other side. I was extra careful driving back to Newport; with the three of us in the front, it was a little squashed, and every time I changed gears, my upper arm seemed to brush against Janelle’s breast. As I pulled up outside her apartment, she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Happy birthday, Will,” she said. “And Merry Christmas, too”

“Ok, thanks Janelle,” I replied.

Lori got out of the car, so Janelle could slide out, and then she sat back in, this time a bit closer to me. As we pulled out of the apartment car park, she reached over to touch my leg.

“Happy birthday, too,” she said softly. “I was thinking about this time last year – well, in a few days time it will be a year ago, watching the race, and the days afterwards. But we won’t be doing that this time, and even if things were different, we couldn’t for the next few days, anyway.”

“I guess so,” I replied wistfully. “It wouldn’t be a good idea, and with Janelle...”

“I didn’t mean that,” she replied. “My period is due to start tonight, and, well, you wouldn’t want to do things during that.”

“Oh, sorry, well, that wouldn’t worry me, I guess,” I replied.

“Maybe, but, well, I wouldn’t want out first time...” she started to say. “Anyway, we both think that doing what we did last summer, I mean, wouldn’t be a good idea,” she continued. “The reasons why it wouldn’t work, I guess what caused you and Cathy, to, well, you know ... They would be the same with us, once school got back.”

“You’re probably right,” I said, slightly reluctantly, as I drove down Bardo Road. “The next few weeks, well, this will be the last time off until after the exams, for almost twelve months.”

We sat in silence as I drove, and Lori reached across to hold my hand, and pressed it against her leg.

“But we are still good friends, and remember, in just over twelve months’ time, once we are at university, well, who knows what the future holds for you and I?” she said, almost to herself.

I knew what Lori was referring to; she assumed even if Cathy and I got back together – somehow she believed that would happen – we wouldn’t last the separation of her going to Canberra, and me staying in Sydney. I wasn’t all that sure even now; I certainly didn’t think she was right when she first told me of her ideas (or hopes). Personally, I couldn’t see Cathy and I getting back together – well, she was up in Brisbane right now, no doubt with – what was that name David let slip? Russ? Even if we did get back together, then we wouldn’t break up, not for a second time.

Despite my misgivings, it was nice, with Lori sitting next to me. She had slid across, until she was pretty much in the centre of the seat, right next to me, and when I had to change gears, she rested her hand on my thigh. If I was driving my father’s car, the automatic, then I wouldn’t have to worry about changing gears, I thought, and I would have put my arm around her shoulders. But the road was too winding, and we were now on the roller coaster that was the Crescent, and I couldn’t do that, not having to change gears all the time. Besides, the last thing I wanted to happen was to have an accident, not on the first day with my driver’s licence.

Lori had her head resting on my shoulder, and as I turned into her driveway, she sighed softly.

“Oh, that was too short,” she whispered, before sitting up. “Thanks for driving me home,” she said. “I like your car, there’s lots of room in it, and the front bench seat is, well, it’s nicer than sitting apart.”

“I had better not mention that the back seat folds down to a bed, either,” I said, smiling.

“You and your – what do you call it? Your ‘shagging wagon’? Or ‘fuck truck’? I should tell you I’m not that kind of girl, who would have it off in the back of a car with just anyone,” she said, laughing.

“You’re not?” I said, feigning surprise. “Then why did I waste my money getting the wagon if you won’t do it with me in it? Is it the colour you don’t like, or should I put a nice soft mattress in there so you don’t bruise your bum?”

“You are funny,” she said, and kissed my cheek. “Maybe, in the right location, the back of your car would be good. But not for our first time; that’s just too, too, I don’t know, too sleazy or something. The sort of thing that Jenny Adams would do – has done. What my sister would do – and what she does.” She looked at me, no longer smiling, but very seriously. “I don’t want to be like that; I don’t want us to be like that.”

She slid across the seat, and got out of the car, and walked around to my open window.

“Happy birthday, and thanks for tonight, it was fun,” she said, kissing me lightly on the lips. “That was a better kiss than the one Janelle gave you, I hope. I’ll call you tomorrow or the next day, and confirm all the stuff for getting to the race.”

I took the present from the shelf, and put it in her hands.

“Merry Christmas,” I said. “This is to thank you for being such a good friend.”

“Oh, thank you, you shouldn’t have,” she said. “Do I have to wait until Christmas day, or can I open it now?”

“You can open it now, if you want,” I replied.

She tore open the paper, and then opened the little velvet bag. As she tipped the chain out into her palm, she gasped.

“Oh, that’s so lovely, it’s just what I wanted,” she said. “Can you put it on for me? It’s just the same as the one I got you! I notice you still wear it, and when I see it around your neck, against your skin, it makes me feel all warm, like you still have feelings ... Well, I like seeing you wearing it.”

I got out of the car, and took the chain from Lori. As she held her hair up, I placed it around her neck, reaching behind her to fasten the catch. It was a bit fiddly to do up, and it took several attempts to get it right. Just as I got the catch done up, I realised how close I was to Lori; our lips were inches apart, and she flicked the tip of her tongue lightly around her lips.

She seemed to lean forward, ever so slowly, and the few inches between our lips became less and less. My hands let go of the chain, and held her shoulders, pulling her towards me, just has her hands around my back were pulling me towards her. I felt her breasts press against my chest, her hands clenched against my shoulders, and her hot breath was on my cheek.

She turned her face slightly, and our lips brushed, once, twice, and then locked together. I pulled her tighter against me, and Lori dropped a hand lower, and pressed against my backside, pushing our groins together. I felt the tip of her tongue darting between my lips, and then our tongues touched, and flicked against each other.

I moved a hand around from her shoulders to her side, brushing the side of her breast, and Lori took my hand in hers, and guided it under her tee shirt, to cup her smooth breast. Her nipples were already swollen and hard, and as my fingers touched them, she pressed her groin harder against mine, and I could feel her rubbing against my hard prick.

Lori pulled her lips from mine briefly, and sighed softly.

“Oh, yes, I’ve missed this so much, Will,” she said, before kissing me again.

Lori slid her hand in the back of my jeans, and was working her way down towards my backside, rubbing her fingers on my skin, caressing my buttocks. With my other hand, I pushed her tee shirt up, exposing her breasts, and started to rub her nipple. I pulled my lips from hers, and bent forward, placing my lips over one puffy nipple, and started to suck. Lori moaned as my mouth took more of her breast in, and she moved her hand from my backside and started rubbing my erect prick through the front of my jeans.

“Keep sucking, please,” she moaned as I moved my lips from her nipple.

I started to suck her other breast, and I felt her fingers at my fly, fumbling with the button and zip. She quickly had it undone, and reached inside my undies, pushing them down to take my prick in her hand.

“God, you’re so big, so hard,” she whispered. “I’d almost forgotten just how lovely you feel, and you’re so hot, and I can feel your pulse, throbbing, like he’s a machine, ready to burst into action.”

She slowly stroked along the length of my shaft, and then rubbed her thumb over the knob, and spread the little droplets of pre-come around.

“And he is already showing his appreciation for me,” she whispered. “Do you want to, I mean, I want you to feel me, too, if you would like? Let’s move to the side, where it’s not so open first.”

She let me to the other side of the driveway, against a large tree. In the shadows, it was more difficult to make out her features, but we would not be able to be seen from the house. I reached down, and undid her shorts, which quickly fell to the ground, and as she leant back against the tree trunk, and spread her legs, I stroked her pussy through her panties, which were now very wet. I could feel the outline of her lips, all swollen and spread apart.

“Inside my panties, touch me, rub my pussy,” she moaned.

I pushed my hand inside the top of her panties, trying to feel Lori’s pussy. She brushed my hand aside impatiently, and pushed them down, and stepped out of her panties and shorts. She leant back against the tree, resumed stroking my prick, and pulled my face to her to kiss me again. I reached down, my fingers sliding down to her pussy, and as I brushed against her wet lips, I felt Lori shiver.

Her lips were wet, and wide open, and my finger slid easily along her. I rubbed around her clit, tiny little circles, pressing and rubbing my fingertip against her sensitive skin. As I rubbed her clit, Lori stroked my prick harder, squeezing tighter around my shaft.

“Inside me,” she moaned. “I want your finger in me as you rub.”

I moved my fingers slightly lower, and pressed the tip against her open vagina. I was amazed at how wet and hot she was; and as soon as my fingertip was inside her, she rocked forward, and pressed my hand so my finger slid completely inside. I continued rubbing her clit with my thumb, while trying to move my finger in and out. Lori pulled her face from mine, and moaned softly, her eyes closed as she breathed faster and faster.

I sensed Lori was getting close to coming; she had released my prick, and was now clenching her fists and rocking her hips back and forward as my finger moved in and out. Then, I felt her muscles squeeze very tightly around my finger.

“Oh, yes, Fuck!” she exclaimed. “Keep rubbing, oh God yes, YES!”

She pressed her hands over my hand, pushing my fingers hard against her soaking pussy.

“Oh, God, that was good,” she sighed when she had finished. “I haven’t felt it like that for, oh, so long. When you touch me, and rub me, and have your finger inside me, it’s nothing at all like when I touch myself. It’s so ... God, I love you touching me.”

She kissed me, and took my wet hand in hers.

“I want you, um, can we, you know...” she started to say, looking down at my erect prick. She seemed to be gathering her thoughts, not sure what to say. “Oh, damn, Will, fuck me now, I want you, I need you!”

She took hold of my prick with one hand, and pulled my close to her, with her other hand on my backside.

“It’s perfectly safe, my period is due to start tonight, we can do it and there won’t be any danger,” she continued.

I could feel her guiding my prick, rubbing my knob along her wet pussy, with her lips sliding around me, covering me with her wetness. I reached down to help her, feeling my prick against her pussy, and how wet we both were. She pushed my prick a bit lower, and I felt the tip pressing against her opening. All it would take was me to push into her, and we would be making love.

Just as I was about to say something – I wanted to say ‘yes’, but felt I should say ‘no’, we heard the front door open.

“I won’t be back late,” we heard Mary-Beth call out.

“Oh, fuck, of all the times for me slutty sister to be around,” Lori swore softly, and ducked behind the tree, grabbing her clothes as she did. “Quick, get around here, don’t let her see you, God, she’ll never let me live it down! Why the fuck did she have to come outside right now?”

As Lori struggled to get her shorts back on, I zipped up my jeans, and tried to make myself look presentable. We needn’t have worried; Mary-Beth drove off without even looking in our direction. Once she was gone, Lori put her arms around me, and started crying softly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry about all that,” she sniffled. “I just got carried away, I shouldn’t have even kissed you, I knew if I did that, well, I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

“That’s ok, don’t worry about it,” I said softly, stroking her hair.

“Maybe just as well, I meant it when I said how I want our first time to be,” she continued. “Not a quickie, against a tree in our front yard. Just as well Mary-Beth did come out then. Would you have done it, you know, had she not?”

“Um, I was trying to say no, but the words wouldn’t come out,” I admitted. “I really wanted to do it, to be inside you, as well. But I wouldn’t want it to be like that, but, well, it almost was our first, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was,” she said. “At least I would have been your first, and you would have been my first. Oh, fuck!” she swore softly. “I’m soaking, my shorts are all wet, I can’t stop that wetness, it must be streaming from me! I’ll have to get inside and have a shower, and if I don’t leave you, well, we will only start again.”

We headed back to my car, and she kissed me, lightly on the lips this time.

“Thanks for the lovely present, Will,” she said. “You know, I’ll never take it off, not ever.”

She turned around, and walked towards the front door. As I put the car in gear, and started backing out, she turned and waved goodbye. I drove home slowly, thinking about what we had just done, and talked about. What if Mary-Beth hadn’t come out of the house then? Thinking back, I knew I wouldn’t have said no, I couldn’t have said no, in fact, part of me still wanted to make love to Lori. But that way wasn’t how I had imagined it would be, not with her – not with anyone, not the first time.

Was Lori basically right about Cathy and me – only the events came about much earlier? I had to admit, if I wanted to start a relationship again, Lori would be my first choice. But the other thing she said; how once school started, the pressure may cause us to break up; that seemed pretty right too. Maybe I should just wait, take things easy, and remain good friends with both Lori and Janelle.

Later that night, in bed, I thought it over more. It was tempting to start a deeper relationship with Lori; well actually resume what we had last summer, and take it further. Hell, even Janelle, that was enjoyable, and was pretty sure she would want to resume where we interrupted things, she was probably still on the pill, and we could have sex...

No, I decided I didn’t want that, not at the moment. Certainly, not the way we had talked about last August, not with Janelle, I was sure of that. And Lori? Well, maybe we could ... no, I decided I shouldn’t, not at the moment. Besides, maybe there was something in what Lori felt about Cathy and me getting back together. I had discounted that, not wanting to get my hopes up over something that probably wouldn’t happen. But of the three possibilities, being back with Cathy was what I really wanted.

“No sense in dwelling on things like that,” I said to myself. “If it happens, well it does. But get on with your life.”

I drifted off to sleep, thoughts of Lori and I in the car, her boat, on a beach, against a tree. Thoughts I hadn’t had for some time.

I woke late the next day, still thinking about Lori; what we did – and what we almost did. Had our timing been slightly different, I would be waking up as a seventeen-year-old non-virgin. Would that have been such a bad thing? Not really, I had to admit, and since the likelihood of Cathy and I getting back together was just about non-existent, Lori would be my next choice.

Did I really mean that, thinking of Lori as a “consolation prize”? Put that way, it sounded pretty blunt, and that wasn’t how I meant it. Maybe Lori also sensed that I wasn’t completely over Cathy, and until then, she would be seen as a rebound, as the runner up, but never my first choice. It was probably just as well, then, that we hadn’t gone all the way, not until we were both ready, and I still didn’t feel ready. But maybe I would never feel ready, and just go ahead, when the opportunity came up? Perhaps feeling “not ready” was just be being scared of taking that next step.

I spent the morning playing with the new guitar, working with the different sounds and styles of playing it, until my fingers ached too much to continue. I then lazed around the pool, until my mother called me in, saying Lori was on the phone.

“I’ll take it in my room,” I called out to her as I headed up the hallway.

“Hi there,” I said as I picked up the phone. My mother said good-bye to Lori, and I head the ‘click’ as she hung the other extension up.

Hi there,” she replied. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, what about you?” I replied.

“No, really, after last night?” she said. “I owe you a huge apology, I, um, what I did was wrong, wrong for you, I mean, and had we not been interrupted, well, I know what you would want to do, and all that, but I would feel as if I had trapped you.”

“No, it wouldn’t have been like that, not trapped,” I replied. “That means that I wouldn’t want it, but ... Well, maybe we needed something to kick us along, you know? Um, did Mary-Beth say anything to you?”

“Mary-Beth? I don’t think she even realised that was your car,” Lori replied. “No, she didn’t say anything, she really isn’t aware of things that don’t directly involve her. But you and I, maybe we do need something to get us together, but I don’t want it, not yet.

“I can only guess how confused you must have been after you left, last night,” she continued. “I was certainly confused, half wanting you, half scared, and half, well, not three halves, but you know. I was still really aroused too – I went inside, straight to the bathroom, and well, I guess you can work out what happened. But after that, I was ashamed of how I led you on, not even asking, I just let my desires take over.

“That’s not how I would have wanted it to be, when we do make love, I mean, not all rushed, and frantic, like that. And I know if we did, you know, let ourselves fall in love, I don’t know how things would be once we are back in school.”

“Yeah, but I know now that I would have to make time – that opposite of love is indifference stuff,” I said to her.

“Anyway, I wanted to tell you I was sorry for last night,” she went on. “I mean, not sorry for kissing you, and not sorry for touching ... Oh, shit, I’m not making sense, am I? I loved what you did, what I did ... I have wanted to do that, and so much more for months and months. And if we, well, if we did go all the way, you know, I wouldn’t have regretted that, not one bit. But I think it was probably a good thing we didn’t, and I promise I won’t give in to that again, not until we both are ready, and want it. Does that make sense to you?”

“Yeah, it does, in a way,” I said. “I mean, I’ve lost Cathy as a friend – well, lost the really good friendship we had, and if we went all the way, and broke up, then I would lose you too – and I don’t want to do that. Can we stay good friends, and not become lovers?”

“I don’t know,” Lori said, laughing. “Friends and lovers – didn’t we try that before? I know what you mean, seriously. One day, we will be both, but let’s work at keeping the friends? So, am I forgiven?”

“Lori, there’s nothing to forgive, truly,” I replied. “Honestly, I enjoyed what we did, and had we not stopped when we did, well, then that would just be how things were probably meant to be. But I thought a lot about what you said, and what we did, and I came to much the same conclusion as you did – and let’s keep working at being really good friends.”

We talked a little bit longer, and, as we were saying goodbye, Lori started to say “I love you”, but caught herself, just in time.

Christmas morning started early, as it always did. We dragged our stockings, overflowing with presents to the sunroom, and began the familiar ritual of opening them, starting with the youngest. After all of our presents were opened, we had breakfast, and while we were eating, my mother turned the radio on.

There was news starting to come in from Darwin, right up in the north of the country, about damage done by a tropical cyclone that hit the city in the middle of the night. Details were sketchy, but it appeared that the damage was substantial. The only reports so far were from a few Ham Radio operators, but the government was expecting more details later in the morning. Certainly, not the Christmas present the people living up there needed.

My aunt, uncle, cousins and grandmother arrived later in the morning, just before lunchtime, and we switched on the television to see an emergency news broadcast about the cyclone. The first official reports were coming in, and it sounded as if the whole city had been flattened. Even though there were no indications of casualties, it put a slightly sombre note on lunch.

We had only just sat at the table when the phone rang. I could hear my father speaking, it sounded like someone senior from his work. After a few minutes he came back to the table, looking very serious.

“That was the Director-General, from Melbourne,” he said. “The news from Darwin is the whole city has been destroyed, not a building left standing. I’ve been asked to head up the team to look at getting phone network restored. The Prime Minister has summoned an emergency cabinet meeting for tonight, and there will be an air force plane to take me and some others down there later this afternoon.”

“What about our holiday?” my brother asked.

“Well, you two and Mum can still go up,” he said. “I hate to spoil all of that, and our lunch, but when the PM asks for you, and you are needed to respond to an emergency, well, there’s not much choice.”

We quickly finished lunch, and my mother and father went to the bedroom, so he could pack some clothes, and organise a few things before leaving. He rang my uncle in Newcastle, to let them know of the changes, and that my mother would be driving up tomorrow, as planned, with my brother and sister. A bit later, the phone rang again, but this time it was for me; Lori ringing to wish me Merry Christmas, and to check that I had the details for tomorrow – to get to her place by 6:30.