Okay! Let's face facts. I'd love to be slimmer but I've also faced the fact it ain't gonna to happen. I try to diet and it doesn't work so I get depressed and I quit the diet and then I'm more depressed and then I want to eat all the things that aren't good for me and then the depression sets in even worse. Don't get me wrong, it is not as if I'm some behemoth or something ... I'm just, well ... Rubenesque ... voluptuous ... pleasingly plump. I have between 15 and 20 pounds I'd love to lose; however! Get the picture?
Nevertheless, you know, for the extra pounds I carry, you would think the horn dogs with twangers would leave me the fuck alone ... but NO ... seems like every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to take me down ecstasy alley. I politely tell them no and they keep pestering me. Moreover, you know, that really gets old after while. Like what part of NO can't they understand?
All right, time to get off the soapbox. By now, I hope you get the idea, I am comfortable with myself. Mostly I feel good about my weight and I do enjoy being a woman. I like myself. I feel all in all I'm a happy, well-adjusted woman. I'm just the short side of 5'9" with long wavy black hair and big brown eyes. I've been told I'm attractive and as far as the age thing goes I became untrustworthy two years ago, (that means I'm over 30). Height/weight charts say I should be somewhere between 130 to 150 pounds and I'm at 150.
I have what is called "peaches & cream" skin and I have a waist and there are bumps and round parts where I'm supposed to have round parts. Part of my weight seems to be in my breasts as they are sized 36 DD; that and because my nipples get really hard, really large, really quickly brings me a bit more attention then I would like at times. My bottom is also well shaped and a lot of men do stare at me.
A few months ago, I met a man two years older than me whom I've been seeing. Steve is cute with a great sense of humor, most of the time. We started having sex after about the third or fourth date and I keep waiting for him to get a clue. I know so far I really sound like a bitch, but is it really too much to expect when we have sex for me to get something out of it too ... besides getting more horny? Steve seems to think just 'cause the train is in the station, it's my fault I didn't get on. Well, to tell the truth, most of the time because the train is so small I didn't even know the train was in the station, let alone it was time to get on.
Outside of the bedroom, as I've said, Steve is a fun person to be with. We do interesting things and go interesting places. He seems to be reasonably intelligent, with an interesting sense of humor and he is a very handsome man. However, when it comes to understanding women and their needs in sexual matters, he just is clueless. We have had several conversations and all that happens is he gets pissed and stomps off with his little feelings all hurt.
He expects me to give him oral sex anytime he wants, but he has also told me that women smell "fishy" down there and he absolutely refuses to have oral sex with any woman. One time we were in a hot tub together and he played with me for quite some time. When we got out, I asked him to eat me ... figuring I was as clean as it was going to get but he still refused. Needless to say his little "Jonny" hasn't been sucked on by me ever since.
One evening we'd been to dinner and clubbing for a while when we returned to my place. Since Steve still lives with his parents, (he wants to save up money to buy a house), we have sex at my place all the time. Usually there is some foreplay before we get down to his "train in the station" routine but this time it was as soon as we were naked, he pushed me down on the bed and was poking around with his pecker. I asked him to stop once since I was still rather dry and his entry was very painful. By the time I could tell him again to stop he'd already climaxed. For some reason, for me, it was the last straw. I got out of bed, whipped the top sheet off of him and told him to get out.
"Come here baby ... I'll make it good for you..." and he reached out his hand for me.
I had my hands on my hips, pissed at his attitude and the way he had just used me. "Are you willing to eat me to make it up?"
"Fuck no; you know how I feel about that. But you can come give me a little suck and help me get it hard so I can help you cum."
That was the last straw. Mr. Steve was history. "Get out!" I screamed.
"Don't fucking give me 'but baby'. Get out. Sex is not a one-way street. I have had it with your selfish ways ... now get out."
Steve got up and tried to put his arms around me. "Come here baby ... I'm sorry."
As he put his arms around me, he tried to fondle one of my breasts. I pulled away from him as I told him, "Get out. Keep your hands off me and get out!" Steve reached out and grabbed my arm and as he spun me back to face him he pulled his hand back and before I could react he slapped me across the face. It knocked me to the ground. Sobbing I crawled over and picked up his clothes. After I was standing I threw them at him and quickly ducked into the bathroom before he could hit me again, making sure he heard me lock the door behind myself.
Steve started to apologize. He told me he was really sorry. He said he didn't mean to hit me and that it was an accident. He kept saying how sorry he was that he'd hit me and promised me it would never happen again. I thought to myself, "You can bet on that buster!" He tried one more time knocking at the door, continuing to beg me to forgive him and please open the door. I told him if he didn't leave at once I would start to scream until the police showed up. It was quiet for a few minutes and then I heard the front door open. I heard him scream back into the apartment, "I'm leaving cunt ... and I am not coming back ... never! So fuck you, you fat bitch." The door slammed.
I came out of the bathroom and threw myself on my bed, sobbing. I was so tired of his abuse. I was tired of being horny after we had sex. I was just tired of trying so hard to make the relationship work. As far as I was concerned at that moment, men were pigs. I hated anything with a cock.
As I lay there sobbing on my bed I heard a soft knock at the front door. Thinking it was ass-hole Steve coming back for some reason I went to the door and shouted out, "Go away. What part of 'I never want to see you again' don't you understand?"
Again there was a gentle knock at the door, but this time a female voice spoke back to me, "I'm not who you think I am. My name is Alice and I live next door. Please open the door."
I thought about opening the door and I was so upset with the evening I didn't even realize I was still naked. Finally I opened the door a crack and saw a woman whom I judged to be a couple of years older than myself. "May I come in please?" She asked.
"Why?" I softly asked.
"I heard what just happened and I wanted to make sure you were OK. Please let me come in for a moment."
"I'm okay. Please go away."
"No. Please let me come in. I can see your face. Just let me come in for a moment so I can see if you are really alright. I'll just stay a moment and then leave. I promise." I stepped back and let her step into my apartment. As she came through the door, she stopped for a second and I was surprised at the way she looked at me; and at that moment I realized I was still naked. I quickly excused myself and ran to the bedroom to get something to cover myself. I didn't want to take the time to get dressed so I just picked up a sheet off the floor where I had thrown it when I uncovered Steve. I wrapped my self in the sheet and returned to the front room. As I entered the room I apologized for my previous lack of attire when I answered the door. The woman gave me a little grin and remarked, "Not to worry dear, actually I loved the outfit." And she winked at me.
I didn't know what to make of her comment and I stared at her. Her return smile was so warm and comforting and something about her made me feel totally safe having her in the room. "I'm sorry you overheard what just happened." I offered.
"If you don't mind, can you tell me what did just happen?"
I motioned for her to sit and I sat in the big easy chair. I looked at this woman for a moment, wondering why she bothered coming over. She was taller than I was, and had very long blond hair, which was piled, carelessly onto the top of her head. Her eyes were an interesting shade of green and she was a big woman, not fat, but just big all over; taller than I am and more statuesque. As I looked her over, the term "Earth Mother" seemed to come to mind. If it had been the '60's, she would have been considered a hippy. Due to her size and how lovely her face was, she was a very striking woman.
I considered her question and finally I answered her question with one of my own, "Why do you want to know? Why would you be so interested in what happed to me? I'm just a stranger?"
"As I said, my name is Alice," She paused and smiled before she continued, "Alice Kaplan. Actually it's Dr. Alice Kaplan. I teach Physiology at the university and I'm very active with the battered woman's clinic and the way the guy left here, I was worried you might be hurt." Her smile was warming and I don't know why, but I stared to cry again.
Alice moved quickly, pulling me out of the chair and into her lap on the couch where she took me into her arms. It never occurred to me to resist, I just let her pull me over to her lap. Like I said when I started this story, I'm not a small woman but Alice held me like a child in her lap and as I wept she kept rocking me, making soft soothing sounds.
Finally all I had left were hiccups. When I pulled back a little and looked at her I noticed the front of her shirt was wet from my tears. The material was now semi-transparent it was so wet and I could see she wasn't wearing a bra. I don't know why, but the sight of her wet blouse made me giggle. "I've gotten your blouse all wet ... I'm sorry."
She pulled me closer into her big arms and whispered, "It's all right. I own a dryer." And that set us both to giggling.
I wanted to welcome this sweet woman to my apartment, so I went to the kitchen and set about fixing 2 cups of hot cocoa. When I had both of them made, I returned to the living room. As I extended my arm with her cup of cocoa, my sheet decided to come unwrapped and I stood before her naked once more. She casually reached out, took both cups from me, and told me to go ahead and wrap myself again. For some reason, I wasn't the least bit embarrassed to be standing in front of this almost stranger totally undressed. I can't explain it, but she made me feel so comfortable and being around her made me feel nice. I took my cup from her and then sat down on the other end of the couch.
"So..." she began, "What was tonight all about?"
Without any thought, I just stared babbling about the past few months with Steve. At first I told her the good parts and how much fun we had on some of our dates, but then I started to tell her how frustrating it had been with sex between us. I even told her about how I had begged him to eat me and also his comment about how women smelled and tasted. When I made that comment, Alice' face turned red and I watched her get upset. "Did he ever have oral sex with you?" she asked.
I shook my head no. "That was the last straw tonight." I told her how he had almost raped me and..."
Alice held up her hand to stop me and asked, "Did you tell him to stop?" I nodded my head. "Then Sally, it was not an almost rape. When you said stop and he didn't, that made it rape. Not an almost rape. Understand?"
I nodded my head. "He told me he wanted to make it up to me and he told me to come back to bed. I asked him to have oral sex with me to show he was sorry but he declined, but he did suggest I suck on him to help get him hard so he could satisfy me."
"That bastard!" she muttered. I explained how at that moment I'd finally had enough and decided it was time for him to leave. I told her how he grabbed me and slapped my face and that was when I locked myself in the bathroom and told him to get out. I told her the thing that puzzled me was I didn't know why I was so upset; I'd been thinking about breaking up with him for some time, but now that I actually had done it, I didn't know why I was feeling so sad.
Alice smiled at me, reached over and took one of my hands in hers. "It was a relationship, a comfortable relationship. A known quantity if you will. There were parts you liked and parts you didn't like and finally it got to the place where you had enough. The bad outweighed the good. You were sad because it didn't work out. You were blaming yourself for it not working."
That comment felt like she had hit me. That was exactly it. I had felt like it had been my fault. "How did you know?" I am sure my face showed how stunned I was.
"Honey, I understand. I have been where you are right now. All of it. The part about how you enjoyed being together, the part about sex being for him, and the part about him trying to make you feel as if oral sex was something only you were supposed to do ... that he didn't have to do things like that. You are best rid of him ... tonight was just the start." My face must have shown something as she continued, "tonight was as close to being raped as it gets before it becomes violent. The slap was the first step and then more violence." I shuddered as I recalled how hurt I was both physically and mentally when Steve slapped me. Alice continued, "More violence would have been the next step. You were just becoming a sperm receptacle. He did not care what you got out of sex, just spread your legs and let him get his rocks off. Trust me when I tell you, you are lucky to be rid of him."
I could feel tears starting to form again. Alice took the cup from my hand and set hers down as well. Once more, she took me into her arms and rocked me. I really thought I had cried it out however this time I didn't hold anything back. My body was racked with sobs and the tears flowed. Part of my tears were from anger ... anger for putting up with being half satisfied ... anger from putting up with his expectations that I would be his fuck toy ... anger with myself for just not having the backbone to dump him sooner.
As I let myself be comforted by Alice, I could feel her rubbing my back and rocking me in her arms. I had never considered myself as Bi nor had I ever had any desire to make love with a woman, but for some reason, her touch and being rocked back and forth was starting to turn me on. Finally, I realized what was going on with me and I jumped out of her arms. I was crimson faced and I desperately wanted Alice to leave. I felt like I had just made a complete fool out of myself.
"What's wrong?" she asked with a puzzled face.
"Nothing ... nothing..." I murmured.
"Please ... don't take me for a fool. You are sitting there, allowing me to hold you and rock you and rub your back and..." It was like the cartoons where the light bulb goes on over somebody's head. Alice looked at me for a second and then asked, "Were you getting aroused?"
I looked down at my lap, completely embarrassed, "Please leave now. I think you need to go." I wanted Alice to leave I was so embarrassed.
Her voice was very soft and gentle as she spoke to me, "Listen, you have been pretty badly abused tonight. Your normal feelings are all mixed up ... this is Okay." Alice reached up, took my chin in her hand, and lifted my face so I had to look at her. "Becoming aroused is expected. I am flattered you found my touch arousing. Look, it really is fine ... I like men and I like women." My eyes much have looked like saucers as Alice giggled. "It is not that bad. Both sexes have something to give when it comes to lovemaking. I was not trying to turn you on; I just wanted to comfort you. If things felt good; wonderful. At this point, even if you begged me to eat you or make love to you, I wouldn't. Tonight you just need to go to bed and get some sleep. You have had a full day. Come on, get up." She stood and helped me stand and led me to my room.
When we got to my room, Alice led me to my bed and told me to get into bed. As I started to crawl onto the mattress, she pulled the sheet away and pointed at the mattress. Once I was reclined, Alice spread the sheet over me and then picked up the blanket off the floor where I had thrown it earlier when I had tossed Steve out. After I was covered, Alice leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Good night little one ... sleep well." I vaguely remembered the light going off and the next thing I knew there was sunlight filing my room.
As I lay in my bed, I played over all that had happened last night. My thoughts drifted to Steve and the ugly way things had ended between us. I reached up and touched my face and found my jaw was sore to the touch and if I moved my mouth in a certain way it was painful. As I lay there thinking, I found that I was actually happy he was out of my life and it didn't matter how it ended, the important thing was things were finally over with him.
Next my thoughts moved to Alice and when I recalled how good it felt to be comforted by Alice, I was surprised how aroused I had become. I had never even considered myself as possibly being interested in having sex with another woman ... yet there was no denying it, I had started to become extremely turned on by my interesting neighbor woman. I wondered where those feelings came from. And even more important, did I want to explore those feelings ... and if I did, how was I going to pursue things?
When I glanced at my nightstand, I noticed that by my bedside clock I really needed to get going if I was going to be at work on time so I got up and padded into the bathroom. As I passed by the mirror over the dresser, I stopped and looked at myself ... one cheek was colored. There was a yellow shade to it as well as darkness about the cheek. That bastard had marked me when he slapped my face. Standing there looking at my face I was happy beyond belief that Steve was out of my life. I hated to be marked, but that slap nailed his door shut as far as I was concerned. He was history!
I slowly turned and looked at the rest of my reflection in the mirror and as I did, I thought about how Alice had seen me last night and my feelings regarding that. Normally I would have been embarrassed to have a woman looking at me, but somehow it didn't matter she'd seen me ... it was actually kind of cool.
Throughout the day, when I least expected it, thoughts of her drifted into my mind and I had to push her away and stay focused. On the way home from work I stopped at a flower shop and brought a large arrangement to give to Alice. By coming over, she had shown compassion and interest in a total stranger.
When I got home, I slipped out of my work clothes and dressed in something more comfortable. As I passed the mirror in my bedroom, I stopped and stared for a moment ... without even realizing it, I had dressed in a rather provocative outfit just to take a bunch of flowers next door. It would appear a part of my mind had already decided on what I wanted to do next as far as moving down the path of exploring some form of a relationship with Alice.
Standing in front of her door, I found I was a bit apprehensive ... I reached out and gently knocked at her door. When she opened the door, her face lit up when she saw the large grouping of flowers in my hand. "Sally, they are beautiful ... come in ... please come in."
"I don't want to intrude; I just wanted to thank you for last night. It was so unexpected for you to come and comfort me ... I had to do something..." my voice trailed off rather lamely.