This story is a prequel to "This Night Has Opened My Eyes" introducing us to Amy, and explaining her motivation for asking Gary out.

What am I doing with my life? I've tried to fit in, have the right boyfriend, the right clothes, the right shoes and matching handbag, and for what, am I happy? Am I bollocks. I need to sort myself out and fast, I'm a nice girl and I need to show it.

My name is Amy, you don't need to know my surname, I don't want you stalking me on Facebook, there must be a million Amys on there, so good luck finding me.

You guys always need to know details, this is all I feel like sharing at the moment, I'm a girl, but that much is probably obvious from my name. I'm 19, about 5'6", slimish, I have red hair at the moment, but last week it was blonde, next week who knows, I like the red though because it's not red like ginger, it's red like a postbox. Do you need to know my sizes? Why? I'm not filling in a profile on Match.com, what the fuck, I'm 34B, and everything is real and in proportion now figure the rest out for yourself.

OK, so why am I writing this down, I think it's because I want to get stuff straight in my head, because things need to change or I'm going to have to do something drastic, like jump in front of a train, or off the top of a multi-story carpark.

I'm not some kind of suicidal Emo, I don't go for that self-harming shit, no it just feels like my life has hit a brick wall. I've done the being popular crap, hanging out with the popular girls, dating the popular boys, being seen in all the popular places, but everything I've done that's supposed to make me happy has just made me sadder, I hate myself for the stuff I've done, so unless I do something to make myself happy I may as well just fuck off and die.

So, what got me into this downward spiral...

"Come on Amy, we have to get seats on the front row or Mike won't see you."

"Why does he need to see me?"

"Because I'm going to get him to take you to the prom, so we can be the two best looking couples there."

"Oh Mary, I'm really not sure, the Prom is just a massive waste of time, money and effort."

"Don't ever let me hear you say that again, the Prom is the most important night of our lives so far, we have to attend."

"Oh shit, you're serious aren't you, why are you buying into this 'American Dream' shit, we live in England, we have School Discos not Proms."

"Do you want me to drop you? Without me you're nothing girl, now hurry up and get dressed. No no no, not that bra, your tits need all the help they can get, wear this one. And that blouse, and hurry up..."

See what I have to put up with, just to be in the right clique I have to do so much work.

Eventually I pass Mary's test and we set off for the football game, our 6th form against Kirkbie Kendal, it's the county final, so apparently quite important, although to be honest I really couldn't give a toss, but Mary has this obsession with getting me off with our captain Mike. He looks OK I suppose, dresses well and has quite a cool group of mates, and I've not had a proper boyfriend for ages, just a series of desperate shags with hopeless guys that Mary has paired me off with in a quest to get me with someone rich, well someone whose dad is rich.

So here we are, front row, I'm wearing a blouse that shows the top of my bra, a bra that's doing stuff to my boobs that makes them appear a couple of sizes bigger (does this not count as false advertising, like a guy stuffing socks down his pants) and a necklace that's essentially pointing at my cleavage, I'm being less than subtle.

It does seem to be working though, as Mike, along with many of the rest of the players, is definitely looking in my direction. He even came over during a break in play and stared at me longer than necessary whilst talking to Mary.

Mary introduced me as her 'best friend in the whole world' which isn't true, I'm just useful at the moment, or am I too cynical?

She none too subtly asked Mike if he had a date for the prom, and mentioned that I was available. Mike stared at my boobs and said sure, he didn't have a date at the moment, why don't we meet up after the game. If I asked him what colour lipstick I was wearing he wouldn't have a clue, never mind my eye colour, he hadn't raised his eyes from my chest once.

After the game we met up in the Cross Keys, Mary had bought the drinks and we sat chatting. I was wearing a jacket that covered my chest, so Mike had nothing to stare at, forcing a bit of eye contact every now and again.

We got along just fine on a superficial level, and I must have passed the interview, because he formally invited me to the prom as we left the pub. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he climbed into his BMW, I should have guessed his driving style and moved away quicker, because I was peppered with gravel as he tore out of the car park.

I walked home and told my mum about my prom date, she was over the moon and promised we'd go dress shopping at the weekend – hang on I thought, this is a prom, not a wedding, but whatever keeps her happy.

Mum spent over £500 on my outfit for the prom, Mary's dad had hired a stretch limo to take us all to the hotel in Grange. Mike had booked us a room, which was presumptuous, but I think I already had a reputation for being easy. For my part I was just trying to find someone who could make me come. No one had shown any interest in pleasing me so far, I think they considered my pussy as an alternative to their right hands.

Prom night, the ballroom in the hotel did look lovely, the school had really pushed the boat out to see us off, with a local band and a half decent DJ. We had a proper sit-down meal, reminding me of a wedding again, and after the meal we were all ushered into the bar as they removed the tables for the dance. Mike took my hand and led me outside, he took out a packet of cigarettes and lit one, Jesus he smokes, what a wanker, has he any idea that smoking is the precise opposite of cool? He didn't even have the decency to offer me one, so I didn't get chance to refuse.

He took my hand and spun me round, with the fag still in his mouth he lifted up my skirt and pulled my panties to one side, he dropped his pants and just penetrated me there and then, no foreplay, not even a request as to whether it was OK to fuck me next to the bins. 30 seconds later he came. I felt nothing, only realising he'd finished when I heard his zip.

"Thanks doll" and he was off. What the fuck?

I stormed inside and found Mary – "Mike has just fucked me outside, at no point did he ask my permission"

"You gave him permission to do whatever he likes by agreeing to come to the prom"

"Pardon, did I just hear you correctly, agreeing to be someone's prom date is basically agreeing to sex?"

"Yes it is, why else would you go to the prom with someone."

I couldn't compose any words at that point, so I headed for the bar and ordered 4 double vodkas for 'my friends', I took them away and downed them all. I felt better at that point, I went to the toilet, Mike's tiny amount of cum had just started to run down my legs, I giggled as I wiped it up.

I joined the 'happy' throng in the ballroom, Mike found me and we danced for a while, he was OK on the dance floor. People complimented us, saying we made a good looking couple, Mike glowed at everyone, happy to be the centre of attention. I think I was smiling, the vodka was having the desired effect of numbing my mind, everything was distant and muffled.