Day 104

I woke up being kissed. It's my favorite way to wake up. John was in the shower and Jules was rubbing her hands over my stomach as she kissed the corners of my mouth. I had to stretch for a second, then I drew her into my arms to kiss her back.

"Morning," I said as she nibbled on my chin.

"Yes, and a very nice one. Thank you again for the wonderful day yesterday."

"I believe it was my pleasure at least twice." She rested her head on my shoulder and continued to tickle my navel and mons with her fingertips.

"I've been so absorbed with my own family drama I haven't asked how you've been doing."

I stopped myself before just reflexively saying fine. "It's been hard, BF." I mussed up her hair and kissed her forehead. "Sometimes I feel like everything is my life is built on pudding. I keep waiting to feel like I'm back on solid ground, but it hasn't happened yet."

Her hand stopped moving. "Talk to me."

"Something you said keeps coming back to me. Your early partners really do shape your views of sex and love. I didn't understand what you meant then."

"I just meant that sex can sometimes make it easy to confuse what your partner wants with what you really want."

"Everything is so different from the way I imagined it would be after Christmas with John. It's more complicated, but richer and fuller. I keep discovering things about myself that confuse me about what I want."

"I realize that life and love are messy, but hopefully you don't regret anything."

"I do and I don't. Did John mention we put all our things in your storage room?"

"No. I'd wondered if you brought your stuff over from your Mom's like you said you wanted to. Did you find all the whips and chains?" She chuckled.

"Yes."

"A guy I dated for a while was into that kind of stuff and bought me all this custom fitted leather gear so I could dominate him. It was exciting for a while, but he got clingy, so I passed his leash on to another mistress."

I smiled at her story, but it faded quickly. "Our first time..." I couldn't find the words I needed. "You have to know that I never fantasized about being with women. Or sex being rough like that."

She nodded. "You were a true Vestal Virgin." She said it in a dismissive way.

"We never really talked about what happened, but under the anger, under the pain, you woke things in me I didn't expect to feel. One was really nice." I kissed her cheek. "But the other has really scared me."

I could feel her pulling at me. "What do you mean?"

I rolled to face her. "John doesn't understand. He got really angry with me. He seemed to think it was about Orlando, about Lydia, but it started before that. With you."

"About what? I'm confused."

"When we found the boxes in the storage room I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't stop looking at the crop and the leather cuffs. John noticed and demanded an explanation. How could I explain it to him when I couldn't even explain it to myself? He got so angry. I'd never seen him like that before."

Jules had tears in her eyes. "Oh, baby."

"I was so confused. I had to get out of there, but I couldn't stop imagining him..." I looked down when I confessed. "I called Lydia on Friday. I had to talk to someone about what was happening to me. I really thought I was going insane."

Jules pulled her hand away and my heart began to pound. "Why did you call her?"

"Who could I tell that I fantasized about you and John to tying me up and beating me, Jules? Seriously, tell me. Mom? Kendra? One of our old school friends? You weren't here and John was too angry to talk to me. I don't even know if you understand, but at least you've been a part of it before." It hurt to breath.

After a long moment she asked, "What did she say?"

"She said you can't change what you want. She told me to give him time. I felt better after I talked to her."

"So what happened? I can tell that something happened between John and you, but you both seem fine to me now."

My tears spilled over. "I came home Friday night and he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He was still so angry. He told me to lie down on the bed. Then he buckled me into your leather straps and did exactly what I wanted him to do. I was so scared, but loved it. After that I was able let it go for a while, but I wish I didn't have it inside me at all. I still feel it, like a bubble trapped below the surface. I still want it, Jules. He told me he didn't understand why, but he loved me enough to do it for me anyway."

Jules took a deep breath and let out a slow sigh. "I don't know what to say."

"I needed to tell you this before you left with him. I'm sure he'll want to talk to you about it. He doesn't know I called Lydia, though. I know it's a lot to take in at once, but this is the first chance we've had to talk. I'm sorry we used your things without asking first."

"What's mine is yours, VV." She shook her head. "You really think what we did triggered this?"

"Yes, but it was in me already. It's not your fault or anything. It's just that your comment about first partners ... I mean, what if I was thirty before something brought this out in me. It makes me a little afraid of what else I may find inside. One thing I don't regret, and never will, is you. I might have never imagined it would be like this between us, but I wouldn't give you up for anything now." I ran my hand down her smooth hips.

She chuckled, then looked sad. "I have to tell you, I've felt so guilty about that first time with you. It's not the way I'd always dreamed it."

"The second time is what I like to remember. Sitting in that tub with you pouring water over my hair like a ritual bath. Me kissing the pain away where I'd bruised you. That was our real first time."

Her tears broke loose. "That whole week I felt like a prisoner waiting to die, but that first night here with you was magic for me, too."

"You have to understand, I didn't call Lydia because I wanted to. I don't want her in our lives or to be her friend, but I couldn't lie about the fact that I called her either. Not to you. I want to tell John, too, but I don't want to hurt him."

"I do understand." She kissed me, her face wet with tears. "It seems all I do these days is cry. I've cried more times in the last two weeks than in my entire life." She wiped her eyes. 'I'll talk to John about it for you this week if you want."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Now, about Kendra."

"Oh, God." The words escaped before I could stop them.

"I'm serious. You are my woman and I am not going to lie about being jealous and possessive where you are concerned. You stay away from her."

"I won't lie either. I can see what you must have liked in her."

"You messing with me?" She gave me a wry look.

"Yes." I smiled and wiped my eyes. "If she invites me to lunch, I'll just say I'm too busy. There's no need to explain more than that. I really am behind at school right now, so it's not even lying. I'll bring lunch with me to save money and eat in the library while I study."

"Good. And watch your back with Monica. I have a bad feeling about her. She's too unstable to predict on her good days. Now that she's opened the closet door a bit, the pressure inside her is probably getting worse, not better. Remember, I spent a week listening to her in group therapy. I won't give you any details, but trust me when I say she is seriously screwed up."

Just then John came out of the bathroom surrounded by a halo of steam, a towel tied around his waist, and damp hair hanging in his face. Both of us suddenly forgot what we had been discussing.

"What?" he asked, looking puzzled.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jules asked me.

"Is it about how lucky we are?" I whispered.

"Yes. Exactly."

John blushed the cutest shade of red. "Go get cleaned up. I'm hungry."

"Us, too." Jules and I stared as he went into the closet to get his clothes.

I laughed and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for talking to me."

"Anytime."

We showered quickly and went downstairs for breakfast. While John cooked eggs and bacon, Jules and I quickly sorted all the dirty clothes. Our breakfast was spent making lists of things we needed to do and mapping out the time line until school was out and we could move.

After we ate, I made stacks of quarters on the kitchen table to do laundry. Jules put the sorted clothes back into the hampers and calculated how many loads we'd have to do. John took our paper notes and sat down at the computer to make us lists and deadlines for when things needed to be done. We both kissed him as Jules and I dragged the clothes to the nearby laundry room.

I hoped we'd be early enough to beat the other residents there and was pleased to discover enough free washers to get all the loads in at once. After loading up the washers, I hopped up on one of them to read on my phone.

Jules walked around for a moment and then stopped in front of the folding table. There was a wrinkled newspaper there that someone had read and folded back together. I was scanning Reddit when I heard her speak.

"That son of a bitch."

"Who?" I looked up to see her hands on either side of the newspaper staring down at it.

"Dad. My dad is in the fucking mob."

"What?" I asked as I hopped down to look over her shoulder.

"Some reporter figured out that Dad's been keeping two sets of books, paying for more workers than show up at the job site, leasing the same equipment to multiple clients at the same time. He's been laundering money for organized crime and paying political people to ignore what he's doing."

I couldn't close my mouth as I read for myself. "Fuck, Jules."

"The reporter thinks he used our ski trip to Vermont to transport millions in clean cash back to the mob. That must have been why he insisted we drive." She looked up to me with tear-filled eyes and an angry scowl. "That fucker..." She pushed away from the table and stalked around the room muttering under her breath.

I read Stephen's article for myself. He referred to sources close to the family, which apparently was me. I had confirmed that Harris Adkins drove to Vermont and Stephen discovered he had stayed at the same hotel as Gregory Canagy, rumored to supply most of the heroin on the east coast.

"How dare he judge my life. How dare he judge me like that!" She stopped pacing and stared at me. I went to her and folded her in my arms as she wept. I said nothing as she squeezed me hard. I couldn't do more than hold her. Eventually she regained her composure.

"I wonder how much Mom knew." She wiped her eyes. "I hate them so much."

"We don't get to pick the families we're born into, Jules."

"No, but I can damn well pick the one I live in." She gave me a sad laugh.

I touched her face. "I love you, just remember that. They can't take that away, no matter what they do."

"You are mine. I am yours." We kissed then, softly and sweetly. "Thank you for being my family."

After the dryers had done their job, we brought our clean clothes back to the apartment and found John sitting with computer much like we left him. He looked up with a smile.

"Bring the clothes and I'll help fold while I catch you up on what I've got."

We dumped the clean clothes in a pile on the floor and sat around it. I started folding and sorting as I listened. John had managed to put together a really good list of things we needed to do, including stuff I hadn't considered. It made me a little hot watching him take charge of things, and judging from the quiet smile on Jules' face it was having a similar effect on her.

The clothes pile got smaller as the stacks of folded clothes grew. Jules ran up with a stack of clothes to be hung in the closet and I crawled over to next to John.

"What do you think?" he asked. He looked as excited about our plans as I was.

"I think I like it when you're assertive." I leaned against his shoulder and gazed up at him with an innocent look. He grinned and bent down to kiss me. I turned around to put my arms around him when Jules came bouncing down the stairs.

"No way, you don't get to start without me. Pick up those clothes and start taking them upstairs."

"Yes, Ma'am," we said together with a smile. It took two trips to get all the clothes upstairs. Jules and John packed up some of their clothes into a couple of suitcases while I put away my clothes. I tried not to get emotional. It was only a week after all, but I still had to discretely wipe my eyes a few times.

Jules finished first and went into the bathroom while I was still tucking the last of the clothes into the drawers. From inside the bathroom Jules said, "OK, here's the deal. I really need to wax, and since we're going to be living together this won't be the last time. John, being pretty takes a lot of ugly, boring, and painful preparation. I have no problem with you hanging around to watch, but you might not be ready for this yet."

"It's OK, I'm good." He seemed oddly excited.

I laughed. "I'll help you. Why don't you come out and put an old towel on the bed so he can watch."

"Really? Thanks so much. I always burn myself when I do it alone and I don't want to spend the money to go have it done." She came out naked carrying a small wax heater and plugged it in next to the bed. "Anything you want in return for doing this?"

"How about a pedicure afterwards?"

"Sold! Doing my nails was one way I kept sane in the hospital, so I'm still in good shape." She wiggled her fingers at me.

John was standing next to the dresser with a dopey grin on his face. "What can I do?"

"Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I need to trim you up a bit as well. You're getting a little bushy down there."

"I'd like to see him lose it all," Jules said with a grin.

I laughed and quoted one of our favorite movies with my pinky next to my mouth, "There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking."

John had a panicked look. "No way, I shaved down there one time and would rather sit in an ant bed than live through the hair growing back again."

Jules put down the towel and laid on it with her legs slightly open. I checked the temperature on the wax and got out the wooden sticks and strips of muslin fabric. I picked up gob of wax on the end of the stick and smeared it over her prickly mons.

"Doesn't it hurt?" John asked with a wince as he got onto the bed with us.

Jules raised herself up on her elbows to watch me work. "It burns a little, but that's nothing compared to when she rips the hair out."

I pressed down the fabric over the wax and blew it to cool it off. "Ready?"

"Fuck no— Ouch!" I showed John the fabric with little hairs stuck to the wax.

"Screw that. If you want a little furry mouse like Kate has, it's totally cool with me."

Jules snorted at the comment. "No, I like it bare for myself. It's not always about you, you know."

I continued to work downwards along the hairline while John watched. Getting the last few hairs required her to sit with her knees up and opened wide. John had grown a little pale by the end.

"See? I told you it would change things." She giggled until I ripped the fabric strip off again. "Can you get me the mirror? I want to check things out."

"Sure." I hopped up and got the round hand mirror off the dresser. "Here you go."

Jules angled the mirror and inspected from every angle she could reach. "Looks good! Thank you so much for doing this. I just need to shower and use some Vaseline to get the excess wax off, then I'll do your toes."

I moved the wax warmer to the dresser to cool, then grabbed the scissors and climbed back on the bed with John. "Strip mister, and assume the position!"

"Yes, Ma'am," he said with a chuckle.

I noted he was mostly hard and had a small spot of wet on his boxer briefs. "I see watching has had an effect."

"It was really cool, believe it or not. I just love your bodies. Can't help it."

I smiled and pushed him to lie down in the same position Jules had been in. I started working to trim the wild hairs without making them too short and itchy. I doubt he had ever trimmed under his balls, so I kept going down. I tried to stay focused and not stimulate him more than I had to just moving him around. It didn't matter apparently, because by the time I was finished he was leaking all over his stomach and had a deep flush in his face.

Jules came back out drying herself and saw the position we were in. "Let me inspect your work there." She came over with a smile and bent down to examine him closely. "Very nice, much better." She kissed him on his balls and he drew a quick breath. She picked a bit of hair off her lip as she stood. "Yes, going to have to inspect that again in a bit. Why don't you go wash the hairs off." He scooted off with a chuckle.

Jules got our nail bag from the dresser. "What color today?"

"Something pink-ish, but not too bright," I said as I put the toe separator between my toes. Jules brought over three small bottles with polish in different shades of pink and I pointed at one I liked.