Chapter 9

Clarissa

On the way to her condo, Julie read me the riot act.

"Damn girl are you stupid? Do you want him to walk out on you? If yes, just tell him you're done. Don't play with him. He doesn't deserve that. He'll give you his last dime, the shirt of his back, anything you ask but you have to leave him his dignity and some resemblance of male pride intact."

"You pull another stunt like you did earlier with talking about outing his being a cuckold and he's gone and I for one will support him any way I can."

"It's up to you to repair his trust and heart. Both are damaged, not the point where they can't be fixed but it's going to be rough. My suggestion is to cool this stupid cuckolding thing for a week, go away some place for the weekend, leave the CB home and fuck each other's brains out."

"That's the last thing I'll say on this. Well maybe not. He promised to try to hang in there 'till your three months trial is up but if he walks before that, I know he's had a really good reason and I'm coming after your slutty ass."

I was stunned. No one, I mean no one had ever dared to talk to me like that.

The rest of the ride took place in icy silence. When we pulled up in front of her place, I popped the trunk so the door flunky could grab her golf stuff and as soon as he closed it I was out there.

That bitch, well she's gonna be busy for the next few days making up all the lost sex with her love and after that she'll be to pooped. Maybe she'll forget about us, stay out of our lives. Not. I know wishful thinking.

Well at least maybe she'll forget about the golf next Saturday or it rains cats and dogs and I can continue hubbie's training.

I don't know how it happened but I wound up in front of a little park. I got a coffee, if you want to call it that from some little place, walked across and found a secluded bench to do some thinking.

I knew I screwed up. I should have been nice to Terry and soothe his bruised ego instead I let my stupid mouth run away and say the one thing that I said I would never do. I know I would never out him to his friends. I love him too much and I know he'd bolt like greased lightning if I ever did embarrass him like that. I have to be careful.

I've been talking to this guy on line. Supposed to be a "bull" a term in cuck circles for the alpha male who controls not only the wife but also the cuck.

He gave me some ideas. So the idea of a weekend of reconciliation with lots of hot sex is not going to happen. I'm not going to give any release 'til the last possible day under that stupid agreement. Now I wish, I never had come up with that idea. It gives Terry some leverage. Shit, shit, shit.

Well I better get home, face the music and be a lovie dovie wife. Sooth his wounded stupid male pride.

When I pulled into the garage and walked into the house everything was quiet. No Terry, at least not down stairs. His cars were both in the garage and his wallet and keys were in there usual spot. I looked outside. Not on the patio or the pool.

Better look upstairs.

There he was the SOB sleeping like a baby. Immediately evil thoughts flashed through my brain. I have him where I want him. I know we need to talk but under my terms.

If I can secure his hand so that he can't run off I can make him listen to reason – my version of reason. Not his, not the bitch Julie's.

I took my shoes and tee shirt off and put on the sexiest bra I owned. Had to fish it out of the laundry and it had cum stains on it. Good.

Then I grabbed the silk ropes out of our toy chest, looped one around his hand, not too tight to wake him and secured the other end on the bed post cleat. The loop around his wrist would tighten as soon as he tried to move that arm. Next the other one.

He grunted – I held my breath – but he didn't wake up.

I carefully walked around to the other side of the bed and laid the rope behind the bed post. Now all I had to do is pull really hard, stretch his arm and flip him over on his back in the process, loop the rope around the post a couple of times to keep him pulling the rope out of my hand. With the friction around the post I was sure I could hold him and secure the end just like on the other side.

Ready, set pull.

Terry exploded when he got yanked around.

"What the fuck!"

But I was too quick for him. He started struggling but there was not enough slack in the ropes to slip one of them over the wrist.

"Terry calm down. I'm going downstairs and fix myself a cup of tea. Hopefully by the time I get back here you've calmed down enough and we can talk."

I left him ranting and raving as I closed the door to the room behind me.

Pretty soon it got quiet. I had my tea and went back up.

Terry glared at me but stayed quiet. It was clear that he was still agitated and I had to be careful with my words and actions.

Stepping into the bathroom, I got a wash cloth, ran cold water over it and squeezed it almost dry.

Sitting on his bed I started to first wipe his sweaty forehead cleverly pushing by boobs together to emphasize the cleavage and then his chest.

I repeated the process one more time and neither of us said a word.

I threw the washcloth into the bathroom from where I was sitting and started.

"Terry I apologize for tying you up. But we need to talk and I can't have you running away to your 'good fairy' Julie when things get uncomfortable."

"I know I made some mistakes this week. And the one earlier today was a whopper. I'm truly sorry. I hope that you know me well enough to know that I would never out you like that. You may have trouble believing it but I love you and only you."

"I treated you like shit when I should have been nice to you after our mid week session with Julie. I guess I got the wrong vibes from you. You were so accepting with all the shit we put you through that I got the idea that you liked it. That it was a turn on and you wanted it to continue."

"Regarding my action earlier this afternoon, I was angry, jealous of the two of you."

"Jealous?"

"Yes damn it, jealous. It was clear that two of you had a great time Friday night and this morning while my Friday night went straight into the crapper."

"Tell me about it, make me understand because right now I'm still ready to dump this whole thing and get on with my life."

That scared me. What did he mean by that? Get on with his life? Divorce? Gotta be extra careful now.

"Babe, the guy I hooked up with was a total loser. I mean he sent out all the right vibes down in the bar and even up in the room. He had a nice 'package' and was in overall good shape. I thought that maybe I had a winner. So I gave him my patented 'mouth hug' and he came like a fountain."

After that I was so ready to get fucked, you know, take me, throw me onto that bed and fuck me 'til I cried uncle. Did not happen. It took almost 45 minutes to get the bastard hard enough so that he could get his dick into my pussy, then he came in no time flat and after that he was done. So I sent him packing and had to use my dildo to get myself off. What a wasted evening. I think that if you had been in that room next to mine, I would have found a way to get your CB off and had you fuck me silly. That's how horny and unfulfilled I was at that moment."

"So babe, I'm really frustrated and would really, really love it if I could ride your face. Please."

That sat him back on his proverbial heels. I never ever said please when I needed his tongue in my pussy.

"We can talk after that some more. I'll be much calmer and relaxed if you get me off a couple of times. Please."

There is was one more time, the please.

He smiled a bit, the first time since he came home from golf. Actually the first time since he walked into the house on Thursday night and I rebuffed him.

"OK Clarissa, being locked into this blasted CB I understand the need for some gratification. So go ahead. I'll do my best.

"Terry I love you, you are the best and the greatest."

And before he could say anything more, I planted first a kiss and then my pussy on his face.

After several orgasms I needed a break so I snuggled up against Terry and started to lick my juices off his face while playing with his nipple, not really pinching hard for maximum pain, more playful.

I know that turns him on and I was right because he started to breath more deeply. I sure even to its maximum extension, the CB was getting pretty tight.

"Look babe, I know I screwed up. I hope that we can work this out. I'll listen to your concerns and if you really want to pull the plug, I'll have to be OK with it but I really hope that we can keep this going."

"Clarissa, I don't know. I'm so confused. I was not happy with the way you treated me after our night with Julie. I was disappointed. I feel that you really had no serious regrets about taking away my possibility to use the safe word. I know you said you were sorry but it did not feel like you really meant it. Maybe if you had shown me some TLC I would feel different."

"I just can't understand why you are doing what you are doing. From what you've told me, every time you went out to get fucked it was some sort of bust. Some, like last night worse than the earlier ones."

"Why continue, why take the big risk. You know how I feel about you. All my insecurities. You are not helping those at all. For ten years plus I thought we had the greatest relationship in the world. I was happy and thought you were too. Obviously I am wrong. You seem to feel that something is lacking. I still don't believe your story that that lunch set this whole thing in motion. I think it has been festering in you for a long time. Maybe part of it is my fault for going along with the Domme/sub games we've played. Maybe it gave you and still gives you a false sense of where my head is."

"Yes I enjoyed them, still do but I can do without them too. You know just have the great hot sex life – at least in my view – that we've had all this time."

"To be frank, you haven't said anything earth shattering that could make me change my mind about stopping this whole thing. Maybe you should try being honest with me and most importantly with yourself."

To say that I was stunned by Terry's comments was an understatement.

He really wasn't buying my line of reasoning. Just didn't believe me. Now what? I had to gain some time.

"Babe, do you think that for the moment we could have sort of a truce. You know, not make any permanent decisions."

"I think that both of us need to reflect on what we have said here today. While we are doing that, I promise to be the most caring and loving wife for you that I can be short of letting you out of that CB. Please babe. Let's see how the week goes. We can take this topic up any time one of us wants to and revisit."

"You may not believe me right now but I truly regret my actions this week. I was stupid. I risked losing the love of my life by an uncaring attitude. Not realizing that I was hurting you. That things had gone out of control."

"So please babe, are we good for now, a status quo for a bit before you make a final decision to let the safe word stand or not?"

"OK, for the moment status quo will do but if you don't release me from these bonds right now and do mean NOW, not 10 or 30 minutes later I'm going to pee in this bed. The result of that will be that I go into the garage and cut off the CB because as I have said before and I'm firm on that I'm not sleeping in OUR room with that bloody thing on."

"The CB will stay off 'til you have bought a new mattress and linens for this bed."

I knew he was serious, so I quickly untied him and left the room while he bolted for the bathroom.

The last thing I want is to give him any excuse to get rid of that CB. Then it dawned on me. He said it would stay off 'til I replaced the mattress. Interesting. Part of his mind is still in the subbie mode.

I'm going to take a nap. Maybe we continue the conversation a bit later. I know eventually I'll have to come clean. He knows me to well and if keep telling him half truths, sooner or later he will call me on it. He told me earlier that he wasn't buying my BS.

I heard him come out of his room.

"Hey hon, I put the two bottles of beer back into the fridge. It was a stupid stunt. Go ahead and enjoy if you are so inclined. I'm going to take a nap. You had yours. If I don't come down by five, please come and wake me."

"OK, see you later."

Terry

I went down stairs and decided to surprise and confuse Clarissa by doing her laundry like I had been doing. Then I got the beers from the fridge in the kitchen and put them into the one on the patio for a bit later.

Jumping into the pool, I did 25 laps, then soaked for a while in the spa before grabbing one of the beers. I decided to stay on the patio and listen to the ball game on the radio rather than watching it on TV.

To me it's more enjoyable that way. I love to listen to the announcer and color commentator as I form pictures in my head of what is going on down there on the field. Call me weird but that's just the way it is.

Recalling Clarissa's stunned look when I told her that I wasn't buying her BS, I started to wonder if she would come clean or at least partially in an effort to keep me locked up and under her thumb.

I'll give her the rest of the day to figure out what to do. I really want to make an effort to hang in there for the rest of the time like Julie had asked me to. In part I needed it for myself. Trying to find out how far my need to please and submit to Clarissa really went. If I pulled the plug now, I would never know for sure. I love the stupid bitch and I don't know if I could live without her.

I sat there musing about our future, having the second bottle of beer in my hand when I almost dropped it.

Clarissa snuck up on me and pushed her naked boobs against the top of my head.

"Hey can I have sip?"

"Sure, here. Finish it if you want to."

"Thanks babe."

"Listen, thank you for doing the laundry. That was a nice surprise. I really did not expect that."

Clarissa had pulled a chair close to where I was sitting. She forced one leg between mine and started to tease my dick and balls with her toes.

As the speed of my breathing increased, she had a huge smile on her face before giving the beer bottle a virtual blow job.

She was on sexy lady and things were getting very tight in that CB.

Putting the beer down,

Honey, I'm going for a swim. Join me?"

"No, I did already twenty laps."

"OK, how about when I come out, we take a shower together and figure out what to do about dinner. Maybe go out locally. After that we can talk some more."

"I like the idea of going out but I prefer to take a shower alone. Things are very tight in a certain area of my body and I'm not sure if I can stand the extra pressure..."

Pouting - "But baby, you love to wash My boobs and pussy."

"I know, I'll unlock you if you promise not to jerk off or try to force yourself on me, you know what I mean. I can wash and inspect your precious cock before locking it back up. That way you still have to deal with the sexual frustration but at least, it won't be quite so uncomfortable for you."

"Deal?"

"OK, but if you start teasing me with one of those not to completion blow jobs, stuff like that I'm out of there and no guarantee that I won't jerk off. So as long as you conduct yourself in a 'professional manner' say like a nurse would do when she had to wash some guy's genitals, you have a deal."

That's the way it went. Clarissa did her laps and then we headed for the big shower in the master bath.

True to her word, she unlocked my CB before we got in. I got to indulge in one of my favored activities, pampering and washing that luscious body of hers. Even though I was unlocked, it was still hard on me, not being able to stick my dick into her wet pussy. Yes, Clarissa had at least one pretty serious orgasm and a several minor ones in the process.

She pretty much behaved herself and only once pressed her butt against my raging erection for a brief moment.

"Oops, sorry babe."

But the grin on her face told me clearly that she wasn't sorry at all.

"My turn to wash your back and some other things."

True to her promise, she spent a minimal amount of time on fondling my balls and dick. While she was doing that, I was saying the alphabet backwards and in German. That takes a great amount of concentration and came in very handy when Clarissa could not resist and gave the head of my dick a couple of licks.

"A bit of leakage here babe. Wasn't going to waste it."

Well I got through that and we both dried each other.

"Should I lock you up now or are you going to be a good boy and not jerk off while I dry my hair?"

"I got it. Maybe you would like to redo my toe nails while I do that. You'll be busy and I don't have to worry that you are tempted."

"Sure Princess, I'll do the toe nails."

The smile on Clarissa's face was priceless when I called her 'Princess'.

At that point I really wasn't sure how often I would do that, one thing was for sure, unless there was a major shift in our relationship, 'Goddess' was out.

Clarissa being Clarissa just couldn't resist using one foot to tease my balls and dick while I was working on the other one. It was playful and not a constant, so I let it slide. Besides, I kind of enjoyed it. Being out of that blasted CB was too much of a treat to spoil the moments.

"OK babe, time to lock you back up. I'm just about done up here."

Clarissa uses minimal make up on casual nights like this and had completed that while I put finishing touches on her toe nails.

"Ice or a punch into your balls?"

"Ice"

"Go get it and hurry back. I'm timing you and your cock better be still hard or you'll get that punch into your balls anyway."

It's still a shock as Clarissa iced my raging hard down to size so it would fit into the CB but a lot easier to take when you see things coming.

We decided to go out to eat in a local restaurant and since it was a beautiful evening with temps around 70 and low humidity we walked the mile from our house.

Dinner was pleasant, we gossiped about things and friends. There was an art auction coming up in a month or so. Clarissa was not sure of the exact date. This one was sponsored by the foundation and benefitted local talent. We always enjoyed that and had purchased a few pieces for our house at previous ones.

When we got home, I decided not to strip which earned me a frown but Clarissa didn't say anything.

"I'm having a cognac and a cigar out on the patio. Anything that I can get for you?"

A challenge to her earlier statement that I was no longer allowed to have alcohol, or at least needed her permission like the two bottles of beer earlier in the afternoon.

"Thanks babe, I'll just have some water. I want to keep a clear head for tonight. The two glasses of wine at dinner are enough for me. Maybe later after we had the rest of our conversation."

That in itself was a good sign I thought. I didn't have to prod her. She knows I'm not satisfied with her previous explanations of why this sudden urge to expand on our occasional kinky play.

Since it had gotten cooler, I started a fire in the outside fire place, then got her water and my cognac and cigar.

I was sitting, enjoying the cigar when Clarissa joined me on the double lounger in front of the fire place.

"Thank you for a nice dinner" this was followed by a kiss, a nice one but not one of those where are the tonsils kind of kiss.

"Can I have a couple of puffs?"

This is something Clarissa would do on occasion when I had a cigar or even my pipe.

Damn that witch, I was hard by the time I got my cigar back because she had treated those three puffs like a blow job. No she didn't get whole cigar wet. Just the way she put her lips around the end and the glint in her eyes conveyed the message.

Clarissa

While Terry was doing my toenails I came to the decision that I had to tell him more than I had about my needs and urges. Hopefully he'll accept them and we can move on.

I took a deep breath.

"Terry, you are right. I've been hiding things from you. Please promise me that you won't interrupt and let me finish. I'll answer questions if you still have some after I'm done."

"Again, I want to make clear that what I'm telling you has no effect on how much I love you. As matter of fact, the main reason, that I've been hiding these urges, struggled to fight them was because I love you so much and don't want to lose you. In the end they got stronger and stronger and could no longer push them back into the dark recesses of my mind."

"But let me start at the beginning. It all started almost two years ago."

Terry started to say something but I put a finger on his lips

"Please"

He nodded.

"One of the guys who worked for me got caught by the IT guys reading porn on the computer during working hours. They mostly ignore what people do during lunch time but not at three in the afternoon. They had a record of this searches for about three weeks when they brought it to my attention. One of the sites he almost spent an hour a day on was called Storiesonline and the other Cuckold Place. I had to look up cuckold in the dictionary. When I read the definition I was intrigued."

"Anyway, I had sit-down with the guy gave him a warning and I haven't heard anything further from IT, so I guess he got over it or is doing his reading at home."

"The day after that incident, you went out of town for a few days. Once home alone I started to explore those web sites. Especially the Cuckold Place one blew my mind. There are tons of categories and threads. Some with pictures, others just stories. Some are labeled 'real life experience'. Not sure if they are but they could be. Others are clearly pure fantasy.

The thing is that to my surprise I really got turned on by stories where the female character either is or evolves into a controlling bitch totally emasculating her man and some others by this fellow GH where while clearly in charge the wife also is very much in love with her guy and takes care that he knows it and while pushing him, never goes beyond a certain line."

"Like I said, I was turned on and every time you went out of town, I was burning up batteries in my dildos while reading those stories."

"After a couple of months of that, remember, I started to talk about fantasies while we cuddled after hot sex and mine always involved a third person. Also I started to introduce very slowly the cuckold theme into our role play."

"All this reading and our FemDomme games and now the cuckold role play with my dildos made me long for a strong dominant guy. He would control me and I in turn had total control over your sex life. Making it a reward system. If you were a good cuck, I would give you some loving. If I wasn't happy you would be punished by long teasing sessions without relief."

"Unfortunately, you could never be that strong guy in my fantasies because a very long time ago you out of your love and devotion to me gave up control of our sex lives. It's not that you didn't and don't take initiatives but the final decision to go forward or not is always mine."

"I tried to fight my urges, honestly I really, really have because I am afraid of what they could mean to our marriage. I know that I'm risking it all."

"I can't fight them any longer. As much as I love you, I do need this fantasy man in my life. Not all the time but several times a month for sure. I'm sorry babe. I wish it wasn't so."