Chapter 5

I had gotten instantly hard when she came into focus on the computer screen. That outfit was hot but then the erection slowly faded as she sucked on that obscene dildo and by the time she started to berate me, it was gone. I guess I'm not voyeur type – certainly not via web cam.

I was pretty sure I could get out of here tomorrow right after lunch. Frank could handle the rest. The customer was happy that I had made the trip and that is all what counted. I just wasn't ready for a confrontation that I knew was coming once I got home. Maybe I'm a wimp after all. Just don't know.

Things went well for most of the day. I had kept my reservation for the red eye flight and sent a text to Clarissa with the flight no and asked her to arrange for the limo to meet me at the airport.

There were delays and weather issues and it was almost seven in the morning when I walked into the house. Clarissa had just come out of the shower and was getting dressed to go to work.

"Baby, I'm happy you're home safe."

The hug and kiss was nice and I started to feel the pressure in the CB building up.

"Why don't you fix us some breakfast while I finish getting dressed."

"Sorry baby, I had the flight from hell and I just want to take a shower and crash. I'll use the guest bath and bed. Where you able to get some time off for this afternoon?"

She looked stunned – another refusal to comply.

"Yeah OK, I thought we could talk over breakfast but I understand. I'll be home around three this afternoon."

I just left my bag in the hallway, stepped into the guest suite and closed the door behind me.

Clarissa

I was stunned by his refusal to make us breakfast. Sure he was tired but that had never stopped him before. He was different, distant. What is going on? Is my marriage to this wonderful guy really in trouble? Did I again push too hard. I'm going to have to prepare myself for the worst and see if I can salvage this thing. I was having a really great time being the bitchy Domme and throwing him an occasional bone of TLC. Is that who I want to be?

For most of our marriage the occasional Mistress/slave weekends were truly enough. So why this change in my attitude, my desires?

I started to get an idea of what Terry was going through. He kept telling me that he was confused by his reactions to the various things we had done over these last 10 days. Maybe we do need to talk but I'm not going to give much. We have an agreement and have he'll have to use the safe word.

Maybe that is a good strategy this afternoon, challenge him. Ask him if he's using a safe word to get this time for a discussion. Put him a bit on the defensive.

I got home shortly after three and Terry was in the kitchen by the coffee maker getting ready to pour himself a cup.

"Hi babe, can I have a kiss and a hug. Kinda missed that this morning."

He just smiled and opened his arms. I was a bit pissed that he didn't come to me but decided to cool it for now. I really had no idea where his head was at this time.

The kiss and hug was really nice – eventually we separated.

"Clarissa, what would you like to drink? I've got fresh coffee, a soda, wine?"

"Hmm, I think for right now coffee sounds good. Mind if I get out of my work clothes before we start?"

"Not at all, go right ahead. I'll fix your coffee."

I went upstairs and quickly shed my work clothes but kept the stockings and high heels. Threw a see through robe over, pinched my nipples to make them extra hard and went back down stairs. Let's see if can't addle his mind with my hot looks.

"Hmm babe, thanks for the coffee. Like always it's just perfect."

I sat down across from him and in the process managed to accidently pop out one of my nips from under the bra. I saw him look – positive that by now his cock was doing another stress test on the CB – and ignored both him and the nipple while concentrating on my coffee.

"So baby, is this a 'safe word' kind of talk?"

"No, not jet. It kind of depends where it goes. Right now I'm looking at it as a 'time out' as specified under our agreement."

"OK, I can accept that for now but if the talk goes some place I don't care for I'll stop it and won't continue unless you use a 'safe word' at that time. OK?"

"Sure, I understand. I would appreciate it if you let me talk without interrupting. I've got some things on my mind that I need to put out there. I promise I'll listen to your response the same way. Once that is out of the way we can have a give and take kind of talk if it is still needed."

He took a sip from his coffee.

"Clarissa, I'm really unhappy and very disappointed in you. I don't think you have been totally honest with me and that hurts."

I started to say ... He held up his hand.

"Remember, no interruptions please."

I nodded

"Like I was saying your deception hurts. You denied the other day that you had an agenda with this whole chastity thing. I just don't believe you. I think you are working on getting me to accept being a cuckold. Please don't deny it. I'm not stupid. That little stunt with the big dildo and web cam. Your eagerness to get back to that meat market where you flirted with those three guys. The way you were pissed when I objected. These are all signs."

"I know nothing happened, but what about the next time? I can tell you right now that if one day you tell me you are going fuck XYZ whether I agree or not, we are done. I'll have you served so quick with divorce papers that it will make your head spin."

"I'm not saying that you don't have some very small chance that I might – that is a very, very small chance – agree to being an occasional cuckold. The thing is that if I agree and again a very BIG if and I don't like it are you prepared to stop? Because if I ask you to stop and you don't we are done."

"The thing that troubles me most is, why would you want to?"

"Am I such a lousy lover? Have you lied all these years about my 'skills' to make you cum? You know how fragile my ego is. How I need constant assurance of your love. Is that the problem? Am I too needy?"

"Taking a lover is not going to help at all. I know I have a submissive streak and sure as hell have enjoyed our FemDomme games. Those kinky long weekends are really fun for me. But what you have tried to put me through these last few days was not."

"I know, I've agreed to the chastity trial thing and right now I have no intention of backing out but if you turn into a 24/7 bitch I will pull the plug on it. You will have to find ways to make it fun for me."

"I suspect that you're trying to break down my will power with your constant teasing – you're doing it now. The old Clarissa would thrown on one of my old extra large tee shirts and come down bare foot or wearing flip-flops, not that flimsy thing that you are wearing over your bra and panties, stockings and the 'fuck me' pumps."

"That's why you were so upset about the trip. I took three nights away from you where could work on me. Get him horny 'til he can't stand it anymore and he'll agree to be a cuck in exchange for a blow job and if you absolutely had to – a mercy fuck before locking me back up. Is that the plan?"

Terry had gotten pretty agitated during the last few sentences. He paused and took a sip of his coffee, then took a deep breath.

"Clarissa, I just don't know what your aim is and most importantly WHY?

"You better have some really good explanations and just the right words to convince me that this is a good thing for us because right now you are slowly killing me. I've got a thousand little cracks in my heart – mostly from you not being honest with me."

"OK, your turn – I hope you make it good. I hate to lose you but if I feel you are trying to deceive me, I'm going to pull the plug on this whole experiment and who knows if we can put the genie back into the bottle."

I just sat there in stunned silence – he had thrown down the gauntlet. He was ready walk out of our marriage. Suddenly I realized that I really had hurt him by not being honest. I had been a selfish bitch these last few days. I need to fix this. But how?

"Baby, I think I need a glass of wine after this – no stay down. I'll get it myself. Want any? A refill on your coffee?"

He just nodded and I poured him a new cup. Black as his soul as he likes to say. That is his coffee. He teases me all the time about all the stuff I put in there. He calls it "dessert" not coffee.

I took a sip of my wine and realized that I had stalled long enough and better started talking.

"Babe, Terry my love please, please believe me that I did not – no sorry, that is not true. Yes I lied to you when you asked me if I have a master plan. You know me too well. I don't do anything spontaneous except sex with you. I always have a plan."

"So please accept my apologies for lying to you. I should not have done that. It was stupid. I swear it was the first and only time ever."

"So yes, the plan was – is? – to get you to accept being my cuckold. It has nothing to do with you not being enough for me. Hell, 'til now you've been the best fuck I've ever had. Add to that that you can switch from animal like fucking to being the greatest seducer and lover is clearly a bonus for me. You do anything for me in the sex department and do it really, really well. So baby, please no insecurities there. You are a top notch lover. Period."

"It certainly is NOT a size thing. Please babe believe me. Your cock is the perfect size. I adore your cock."

A look of doubt clouded Terry's face.

"You are thinking of that big black dildo you never saw before that I had on Monday night for the cam show. That was just part of the game. I've never had it more than maybe a third inside me when I was trying it out. It doesn't do a thing for me. Like I said it was part of the game. Just think, all the different toys that I have, except for that new one, are more or less the same size as your cock. That is what I'm comfortable with. So please no inferiority complex about cock size."

"So why risk all that for a fling?"

"Just like you being confused about your subbie side, so am I to a small degree about my Domme side."

"I want to know what it feels like to get fucked by some guy who really doesn't care about me. Doesn't care if it hurts or not, if I get off or not. Just get fucked by some truly Alpha kind of guy. I had forgotten about it but I experienced it once way back during my first year in college. Some tight end from the foot ball team. Hot looking but a real loser in the personality department. Every girl on campus was after him. So he'd fuck them once maybe twice. If they were really hot three times but that was the max."

"About four weeks ago one of our customers brought a new guy along and he reminded me of that guy. Brought back memories. Actually my panties got flooded during lunch because of this guys attitude. His boss tried to reign him in but did not have much luck."

"I just sat there and thought back of those three nights – yes I was a three nighter for that jerk back in college and how much I enjoyed those."

"His boss later came into my office and apologized for the guy. Told me that he would have never hired the guy but his dad owns half of the company. I told him that it was OK, that I was a big girl with a very thick skin – so not to worry. That I appreciated his concern and position and that we were all good."

"Well I wasn't. I made three or four trip to the bathroom and got myself off thinking of that guy back in college. I don't even remember his name. But it all came back. His attitude and the way he took total control of me. He wasn't abusive but there was no doubt in my mind that I would do whatever he wanted from me."

"You may remember that night. You came home late after a dinner meeting and I virtually raped you in the entrance hallway between the garage and the kitchen."

Terry smiled – he remembered.

"Yes, I do remember. I wondered what had gotten into you that night but I sure as hell enjoyed the ride."

"Anyway, that got me thinking. What if can get Terry to agree to being my cuckold. To have a chance to every so often trying to relive those three nights."

Terry took a deep breath – I knew he was going to say something.

"Hold it babe. Remember we both promised to not interrupt."

"I don't mean that I even remotely was thinking of a three night kind of thing. No one night at a time is just fine. Just to experience once again submitting to some guy who really doesn't give a shit other than to get his rocks off.

"Look babe, I know you can be that guy – well sort of – you can fuck like an animal and take me special places but if you perceive even the slightest idea that you might have hurt me because I made a different sound. You stop and ask me if I'm OK. It's in your nature. You can't help it. That is what you will do. That is a big reason why I love you so much. You care. You want me to be happy and satisfied."

"You might try after our conversation tonight but you won't succeed. Sooner or later you'll screw up and ask if I'm OK and the magic is gone."

"Can you understand that?"

There is absolutely no danger to your ego. I love you and always will. You are the greatest lover any girl – well any girl that doesn't have fantasies of almost being raped – could have. Yes I think that is a good way to describe what I'm trying to say, what I think I need."

"Consensual rape"

"OK, now you know. I have no idea if once is enough and I'll be good for another ten years or if the first and second guy don't come up to my expectations, that I'll give up. Just don't know."

"Would I want you there watching tied to 'cuck chair' like in our role play games? Again, not completely sure. Certainly not if it would stress you to the point that you use a safe word."

"Certainly the Domme side of me likes the idea of having you helplessly watch. Yes it does. I feel my pussy getting wet thinking about it. But the thing is that it's my submissive alter ego that is looking for this, the driving force behind his. Not the Domme. So I'm not sure if I would want you witnessing me being submissive to some guy. It might ruin the mystique of being your Goddess. Can you understand my confusion?"

Before he could say anything, I continued.

"Maybe – depending how things develop there could be two versions of cuckolding in our future. One where I'm just the subbie slut to some animal without you around and the other where once in while we take our role play into real time. Like I said I think I would enjoy that but if it doesn't do a thing for you than it would be off the table."

I took a deep breath.

"Any questions?"

"WOW!"

"Now I need a drink and a bit of thinking. I'm going to get myself a drink and my pipe and go out on the patio."

The old pipe ploy. Well at least I knew he was taking me seriously.

Why the old pipe ploy. In his last year of high school he spent the summer vacation on a tramp steamer in Mediterranean with one of his friends whose dad was the captain. He had told me the story a long time ago. They were in some bazaar in Tangiers and he was going to buy a copper plate for his Mom. The guy had given him a price but before he could hand him the money, his pipe went out. So Terry first futzed with the pipe. The thing is that the seller got concerned about the sale and dropped the price and when there was no reaction, he dropped it some more. Terry being a smart boy suddenly caught on – that's an Arab and he expects to haggle. So some more stalling, more price drops. The end of the story he bought that plate for half of the original price.

Terry doesn't smoke all the time but once in a while he does. It's clear that he'll use that pipe from time to time to gather his thoughts. Gain some time. Once I accompanied him on a business trip to China and during negotiations he did the same thing. It's almost like the Indians smoking the piece pipe. They all sit around the table and pass cigarettes around before starting the serious talks. Terry always declines and fires up his pipe. Funny thing, every time he needed some time to think over a proposal his pipe needed attention. Obvious hesitation would have cost him face – by working on his pipe, he got around that.

So I poured myself another glass of wine and also cut up some cheese and grabbed a plate with crackers to take out with us while Terry got his pipe and single malt.

By an unspoken agreement we sat across the table from each other, rather than our usual lounge chairs. We were still negotiating. Terry got his pipe going – I do love the smell of the tobacco that he uses – and had a sip of his drink.

We sat across from each other in total silence for what seemed an eternity but probably was no more than five minutes.

"Clarissa..."

Oh how I wished he would call me Darling, Princess or the best Goddess.

"Clarissa, OK now I know why, at least I think so. What you have told me sounds reasonable so I'm going to accept it. But how are you going to deal with my insecurities? You know they will become an issue sooner or later, especially if your needs as you perceive them become stronger because maybe the first few guys don't measure up to your expectations."

I've told you before, watching you flirting has a certain appeal to me, at least for now. It may get old really quick. Just don't know. But anything beyond that does not. I don't think I ever want to watch you with some other guy. But that situation is still a long way off".

"So tell me, how do see this thing working? What did you have in mind in case I agree to this?"

"Babe, I think what I would like to do is for the rest of the day – I mean after we've gotten to some form of agreement – is to have a swim, maybe a nice massage from you. We can go out to dinner, throw some burgers on the grill or call for Chinese. I don't care. After dinner I would like you to provide your Goddess with the best oral services ever. Show her what she could lose if she lets this fantasy of hers get out of hand."

I saw a frown on Terry's face and there was an increase in the amount of smoke. Not sure if he was getting aggravated or excited by the picture I was painting.

"Relax babe, please let me finish. After a certain number of orgasms and a bit of relaxing I'm going to unlock that beautiful cock of yours and I'm going to drain it 'til I'm 100 percent sure that you won't be able to get it up again for at least six hours or so. Just like last Saturday – no holes barred. Just one thing babe. Please don't try to be the macho beast I told you that I needed. It won't work and we both will wind up disappointed or worse. No I want you to be the caring lover that I so adore and cherish."

He relaxed a bit, had sip on this drink.

"OK, so far I'm with you. I can do that. Then what is next."

"Tomorrow, I turn into the Bitch Goddess. I'm going to verbally humiliate you, tease and taunt you. Trash talk, like never before and when I get bored with that, send you off to the other room to sleep. The last thing you'll hear before falling asleep is me getting off with my dildo calling for my lover to fuck me harder, make me his slut..."

"It's going to be rough on you and really hope that you will accept the treatment and look at it as 'foreplay'.

"I book to adjoining rooms in the hotel with the 'meat market' as you called it. The place is far enough of the beaten path that the chance of running into friends or acquaintances is rather remote. I most certainly do not want to broadcast to the world that I'm having an affair. We open both connecting doors. This is my security blanket. I want you to be able to come to my rescue if the guy turns out to be more than I can or want to handle."

"We have a nice dinner, I'll continue to tease you but not to the point that people will notice. Then we have a repeat of the last time. I get up to go to the Lady's room but head from there to the bar. After you pay the bill, you go and find a seat at one end of the bar away from me and just sit and watch. Only sodas for you from that point on. You can talk to people but turn down any advances from any of the sluts there. I'm sure you'll be hit on. I don't care what you tell them but do not go and dance with any of them."

"When I find the guy that I think will fit the bill I'll come up to you and let you know we're going to my room. It will be humiliating. The guy may say something. I want you to take it. Don't react. I'll reign him in if I think it's too much. Give me about ten minutes, then come up to the other room and wait. Listen and wait."

"I'll insist on his wearing a condom and my ass of off limits to him. It belongs to my loving husband."

I had a wicket grin on my face.

"Babe, I need you to go out and buy those condoms tomorrow. Get a nice assortment of sizes, will you."

"Now, I won't be surprised if the guy tells me around eleven that he has to leave, get home to his suburban wife and kids. I'll shower, make sure I'm totally clean and sweet smelling before I join you in the other room. There will be no sex but we'll cuddle as if we had had a marathon fuck. We'll get up early in the morning so that you can make your golf game. In other words. A very normal Saturday. Well almost normal ( I had a wicket smile on my face) there will be a week's worth of my undies that need washing when you get back from your game."

"We'll have a chance to talk about what happened the night before. I know it's not easy for you but I really would like you to try to put your feelings into words. It will give me some guidance of where to go with this whole thing."

"Same for Sunday, a normal Sunday, no Goddess stuff and we share the paper as always."

"Do you think that you could try to do this for me? Be a cuckold for one night, to see how we both feel about it after. Please."

I got up and planted myself on Terry's lap, made him put his pipe away and started to place soft gentle kisses all over his face.

He took my head into his hands and moved away so that he could look into my eyes.

"I can stop this any time I want to by using the safe word?"

"Yes darling – any time".

"I will stop the cuckolding but I cannot promise that our marriage will ever be the same. I will have tasted power I never had before. To be brutally honest, I don't know if I could give that up. I just don't know."

"There is no 'reset to factory defaults' button for us. I know it's a big risk that I'm taking. The problem that I see is that the same risk exist if we don't do this thing. In the first place I may resent you for taking the power away from me and if we don't do this at all I may grow resentment towards for not letting me have this power trip in the first place."