My name is Ebeneezer Scrooge. Yes, that Scrooge. But that sack of shit, Charles Dickens, that wrote that story about me lied about the entire thing. It never happened that way.
Let me set the story straight about the characters first and then I''ll tell you the real story, not the fictionalized version that asshole came up with.
First—there's me, Ebeneezer Scrooge. I wasn't the old miser that asshole portrayed me to be. I was a fit man in his late forties who took good care of himself and actually portrayed Kris Kringle at the Church for the kids every year. I was outgoing and gregarious. As for my business habits, Marley and I were partners in a local establishment that lent money to those who needed it. We were not "loan sharks" but had reasonable rates. To be honest about that, Marley wasn't too happy about our rates and tried to raise the often enough that it tended to raise a little bitterness between the two of us because I stood fast. We were making more than enough money and I had even suggested lowering out rates in order to bring in more business. Marley would have none of that.
Jacob Marley-My partner. Alive and well at the time of this story, and as mean as a snake whose been stepped on. Not only was he a skinflint, he was a notorious skirt chaser. Marley couldn't look at a woman in a dress without trying to get into her skirts. As he was quite handsome to the ladies, he was also very successful in that endeavor. And that cost us money. Why? Because we were always having to settle with the tramps after he moved on to his next conquest. Again, this cause friction between us but we were a good team otherwise so we remained partners.
Bob Cratchitt. Cratchitt was our one and only clerk as we did much of our work ourselves. Bob received a reasonable wage and really was a valued employee. There was just one little thing I didn't know about him. For some reason, he hated my guts and thought the world of Jacob Marley.
Elizabeth Scrooge, my wife of twenty years and the mother of my two children. She looked younger than me and was very flirty. She enjoyed sex but we had stopped having it so often for some reason.
Mary Cratchitt. Bob's wife and a fine figure of a woman. She was short and pleasingly plump, not fat but plump. She and Bob had been married for as long as Elizabeth and I, not that we were acquainted at that time.
Tiny Tim. A figment of asshole's imagination.
Our story began on Christmas Day. No ghosts, just a normal Christmas Day. I was at the Church playing Kris Kringle for the little one's, a job that would take me well into the late afternoon.
After about an hour, at about 10:30 in the morning, a woman appeared before me. She seemed to be quite agitated at me and I wondered why and who she was. She yelled at me that I was ruining her Christmas and I asked her what the hell did she mean? I didn't even know her.
"Well, you know my husband. As a matter of fact, you're making him work today instead of being home with his family." I realized then that this was Bob Cratchitt's wife.
"Mrs. Cratchitt, I didn't make Bob go to work today. As a matter of fact, I specifically told him to take off today and tomorrow. We have closed the office for the holidays."
It was like a balloon deflating. "You mean he has lied to me?" she queried.
"Now, Mrs. Cratchitt, let's not be hasty with the accusations. Maybe Mr. Marley offered him a bonus if he helped out with something."
"Yes, that must be it, but what could he be helping Mr. Marley with?"
"Well, why don't I get a replacement in here and Let's the two of us go down and find out. It is probably something that Marley wants for Christmas and he's going to pay Bob a bonus and then Bob can get you something nice"
So, I found a replacement and the two of walked down to the office, only to find it locked and dark.
"Hummm! I wonder where they could be?" I questioned. "Surely, they're around here somewhere."
Just then there came a sound from an open window of the residence above the offices, which was my home. It sounded like Elizabeth was in distress, so I quickly ran up the stairs with Mrs. Cratchitt behind me.
When I got to the top landing and threw open the door, I was utterly shocked by what I saw. There was Elizabeth, my Elizabeth laying on the floor, or should I say cavorting naked on the floor with Jacob and Bob, both in the same condition.
.... There is more of this story ...