Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including mt/Fa, Consensual, Heterosexual, Fiction, Humor, Extra Sensory Perception, Incest, Cousins, Orgy, Harem, Polygamy/Polyamory, First, Anal Sex, Squirting, Enema, Pregnancy, Cream Pie, Voyeurism, Size, Babysitter, Slow,
Desc: Humor Sex Story: Chapter 1 - A PARODY of Babysitter Stories that read like wet dreams. It's Hetero and it's got some good'n'nasty sex as it goes along but it's not really 'stroke', although I originally intended it to be. But the characters wouldn't cooperate. And, like most dreams, it's full of wacky, impossible sh*t!
My parents went out of town and left me with a babysitter and I'm mad as hell!
I'm a normal healthy average American male. At least that's my opinion. But I've been cursed all my life with parents that don't understand me or what it's like to be a kid.
It started right when I was born. My given name is LeRoi Aloysius Jenkins. LeRoi, for you that don't know, is French for 'The King'. If that doesn't make you groan, then how about it has nothing to do with royalty, per se ... but that my parents are Elvis fans. Would have been better to actually be named Elvis, I'm thinking.
Compared to that ... and there's always some kid since kindergarten who found out that it meant king or royalty ... Aloysius is nothing. To make matters worse I was always a little sickly until I hit puberty, and I couldn't even resolve the taunting by allowing myself to get beat up on the playground. I won't bother with complaining that my name also invoked memories of a charlatan TV preacher. I got grief for that, too."Preach us something, Leroy ... we might send money!"
So that's why I don't have a lot of friends except for other oddballs like me, and tend to amuse myself instead of socializing a lot. Or any.
Which drives my parents nuts, to the extent that they won't leave me alone for more than an hour. Just because of some misunderstandings that my hobbies have created with various and sundrie government agencies and NGO's.
First there was an accident where our neighbor's house caught fire and burnt to the ground when something went wrong with my Argon Laser Starling Eradicator. It worked perfect, not activating until the Starlings flocked to roost and caused ambient noise to exceed a certain level. Sound triangulation located the roosting trees, then IR video sensors zeroed in, the laser fired and POOF! No Starling, just a puff of black feathers floating to the ground. And the fire rate was 120 bursts a minute so, until the fire, things were going perfect. Rake up a couple trash bags of feathers the next morning and you're done. I figured I'd patent it, go into production and make a mint selling it to small cities all over the country.
How was I to know that some damn dumbass birds would perch on the neighbor's rain gutter. Starlings don't do that. Usually.
Bad enough that the feds came and took my laser away, but PETA filed charges of animal cruelty. I was lucky that my parents had some pull and one of their friends was a local lawyer with a great sense of humor. The attorney took that case pro bono because he had it in for those pinheads, over him once dying his cat black for a halloween party, and got them to admit in open court there was absolutely no 'cruelty' involved.
How could there be when the pests were squawking and flapping one second and the next they didn't even exist. In that way, the system worked perfectly. They couldn't even point to one maimed bird.
Then there was the case of my homemade medium range missile. I found an intact JATO bottle on Craigslist and set it on top of a Ramjet I built from plumbing parts from Home Depot and some machined titanium scrap. When the JATO bottle fired it lifted off and got the air rammed through the bernoulli to critical velocity then the jet lit off and took the thing to Mach 1.5 or so. What I forgot was that when it got down range a couple hundred miles I'd lose contact even though I'd stuck a 2 kilowatt CB power amp on the RC transmitter. Still wouldn't have been a problem, except my dumb luck it crashed dead bang into some farmer's hog shed and killed his prize boar.
Of course the feds came around again and this time they also confiscated my NC machining equipment.
Evidently PETA doesn't really give a shit about domestic hogs.
Then there was my turbine powered homemade street luge. My parents said I was lucky, I was going about a hundred when I came to the end of Lakeside Drive and something went wrong when I pulled the lever and the drag chute didn't open. Probably because I used the chute pack as a head rest. Whatever. Instead I went off the bank, the kart dropped but I kept going and skipped across the water like a flailing rock. I told them that's how I planned it for safety but they didn't see it that way. Hell, I only broke a collar bone, along with an inadvertent enema, but you would have thought I was paralyzed or something. And, by the way, to my knowledge no fish were injured, but PETA wrote a letter of complaint to the local paper, just on principle.
Anyway, most of my geek friends' parents forbade them to hang around me after that and obviously no girls wanted to be around me, either. I had a healthy sex drive but no outlet but for net porn and Rosey Palm.
So my parents had a huge conflict. Besides their Demon Seed son, they were also inflicted with a compulsion to enter every freaking contest or sweepstakes they came across. They won their fair share of them, too. Problem being a lot of them were vacation trips of one kind or another. Which they usually turned down for the discounted cash alternative because if they couldn't take me, they couldn't find anyone to guard me, as my dad put it.
Finally though, they actually won the daddy of all travel sweepstakes, a one month around the world trip for two on an international airline with free hotel rooms and meals paid. The kicker was there was no cash involved and if they didn't take it, they lost all their travel miles anyway.
One morning I woke up to find Mom and Dad were taking the trip and my cousin Abby was conned into babysitting me. They called it 'keeping me company' because it bugged them I needed watching but they knew it was all the same.
Now I was 17 years old and it had been almost a year since I destroyed anything, or caught something on fire, and I told the 'rents I was tired of being treated like a baby. I threatened to sue for emancipation but they just laughed and said no judge in his right mind would grant it. In fact, with my record, he might rule that I remain a minor till age 21. Or 30.
If anyone in the family was more different than I was, it was Abby, who now preferred to be called Abigail. She belonged to some cult or something and dressed plainer than if she was Amish.
Laura and Mary in 'Little House' dressed more stylish than she did.
She went to some local boarding school called 'Miss Primhurst's Academy for Proper Young Ladies' and the girls there had a reputation for being proper to the point of prissiness. And most of them dressed and acted like candidates for a convent.
That's all I knew about it because Abby didn't talk about it. In fact, she rarely talked to me at all.
All she said to me when she showed up with her duffel bag and Mary Poppins purse was if she saw me doing anything she even thought might be illegal she would call the cops and ask questions later.
What was worse, the parents had shut down the broadband and even gone around to all the neighbors and made sure their wireless routers were set up with robust passwords. Hell ... most of them that weren't 'open' had been set to their phone numbers but none of those worked anymore.
So, anyway, here it was the first night my parents were gone. Nothing much to do. Did I mention the cops wouldn't even let me take a driver's test and had a BOLO on every cruiser dashboard for me on any kind of wheels including roller skates, let alone a skateboard? The police chief had even told me that if they saw me out on foot, they'd arrest me for loitering, even if the charges wouldn't stick.
I'd already choked the chicken once to my stored porn and Abigail told me I had to watch TV with her, so that I might learn something useful. Imagine some 18 year old girl sitting upright in a chair, knees together, and hands primly folded in her lap. Ever see the painting, 'Whistler's Mother'?
She picked some safari type documentary on NGC and I noticed there was a lot of shots of wild animals mating. I was interested in that mainly to see what Abigail's reaction would be. I kept waiting for her to switch channels but it didn't happen. Finally, I looked over and her knees were no longer together, she wasn't sitting straight anymore and her hands had disappeared into her lap.
When I realized what Abby was up to, my imagination went wild and I started to get a woody. I could only imagine what was going through her head and I wondered if she even realized what she was doing, being so proper and all. I guess I was staring and that got her attention, even though her eyes were half closed as if she were far away in thought. But not before she'd let out a few short muffled gasps. She looked over at me and frowned.
"What are you looking at, pervert?"
Then she looked down at the tent in my shorts. Her gaze seemed locked on my crotch. I decided what the hell. I unzipped and dragged out my hard cock. I figured she would freak out and leave. Then I could pretty much do what I wanted.
She didn't. Leave, that is. She did sorta freak out.
"What are you doing! Oh, my goodness, is that your penis?"
"I've never seen one before. On a grown man, that is. Can I look at it?"
She got up and then sat next to me. Tentatively she reached out and touched the head of my cock, then stroked it with the tips of her fingers. Then she grabbed it gently but firmly in the middle and began slowly pulling up and pushing down.
"Oh, it's not at all what I pictured! It's so hard. And warm and soft all at the same time and there's no scabs on it or green pus coming out, or anything."
That barely registered on me at the time. I did sort of wonder where she'd got an idea like that, but I was kind of lost in the moment. Who could blame me. By now I had some precum emerging, she took it on her fingertip and put it on her tongue.
"ummm ... yummy!"
She looked up at me with a different look in her eyes. One I'd never seen from a girl or woman. The look of a little girl pleading for candy.
"May I suck it?"
My brain had barely processed the fact that she'd been jilling off from watching Zebras screw, let alone touching my dick. I probably nodded my head, and her head went down and her lips around my cock and then the greatest feeling I'd ever had. Better than seeing starlings vaporized or watching my missile lift off and disappear into the blue, as she sucked and bobbed on my dick.
It should be no surprise that I didn't last long under those circumstances.
"Ummm ... ohhhhh ... ahhhhhh ... Abby ... I'm gonna come!"
Instead of her getting her mouth off of my cock as I expected, I felt the tip being crushed as it hit the back of her throat. But I couldn't hold off, I jetted what seemed like forever and it felt like my asshole was turning inside out. I think I blacked out for a few seconds.
When I came to, I saw Abby look at me again but this time there was a different look in her soft brown eyes. It was sort of like 'Now I own you, now I control your life ... make me your slave'.
I know that makes no sense but that's what I was seeing.
There were cum dribbles at the corners of her mouth, she delicately scraped them with her finger and sucked them into her mouth.
Then she stood up and grabbed my hands and pulled me up. Grabbed my still hard cock and led me up the hall with it. Once in my bedroom, she reached behind her neck and pulled a bow or something and her mother hubbard dress fell around her ankles. She was wearing a white satin garter belt and either a bikini panty or thong and it was red, to match the push up bra holding what looked to be DD boobs.
She then reached up and pulled a clip and her hair fell from the bun it was coiled in to fall around her shoulders and halfway down her back, arranging itself into enticing waves of soft curls as she shook her head.
My cock had never gotten soft but now it was so hard it hurt. Reaching behind her, the bra fell and her huge tits just stayed where they were, her nipples were like half inch long pencil erasers.
Wow! I immediately shucked out of my t shirt and shorts and stood there pulling my rampant dick. Abigail went over to my bed, threw off the sheets and blankets and got on all fours with her ass pooched up and turned her head to look at me.
"What are you waiting for? I need your hard penis inside me, now!"
I started to climb on the bed...
"Socks off, first!"