Chapter 4

Colin Blackthorn poured his energies into splitting cordwood, letting the exercise push the frustrations and confusion of the last few weeks out of his mind, and hopefully, out of his life.

In that time, he'd met BethAnn Walls, had made love to her, but now wondered if he'd ever see her again. He'd also lost someone, or in this case, something that he'd begun to consider a good friend, that being the homestead's resident albino stag, Whitey. But the animal had given his life so that Colin's might be spared. For that, he'd always remember the stag with warm affection.

Colin took a break from swinging the axe, piled the freshly chopped cordwood along one outside wall of the shed, and realized that he'd split almost half a cord over the last few hours. But the diversion had done him the world of good, and the reprieve from his melancholy made life a little less uncomfortable to him.

He'd just stacked the last of the freshly-split wood when there was the sound of a vehicle's horn from the front of the cabin. Driven by curiosity, he walked around the building, and was surprised to see an SUV that he didn't recognize.

"Who the hell is that?" he muttered to himself, then caught sight of a hand waving furiously at him. Squinting against the sun's glare off the windshield, his heart skipped a beat or two, for it was BethAnn. Immediately, he broke into a run towards the mud-covered vehicle, and by the time he arrived, BethAnn was out the driver's door and heading for his arms. When they finally collided, she pressed her lips to his demandingly, almost making his mouth bleed from the force. However, at this point, Colin didn't really care.

"Hey, Stranger!" he warmly greeted her. "What's a pretty girl like you doing in a backwoods hole like this?"

"I came to check up on you and make sure you hadn't done something silly, like get yourself killed, or into some other kind of trouble," she gleefully murmured in his ear.

"Me? Get into trouble? Not in this lifetime. Gawd, it's good to see you!" he expressed his joy. "Missed the place that much, did you?"

"I'm off until the new year, and I couldn't think of anyone that I'd rather terrorize than you," she supplied. "Think you can handle a city girl that long?"

"Gawd, I don't know," he joked. "You do keep things hopping around here, don't you?. I'll be worn out if you have your way about it, won't I?"

BethAnn silently pleaded to him as she batted her eyes seductively.

"Umm, I brought a few groceries to make up for all the stuff we ate last time. Any chance I can get you to lug the big one inside? It's a little heavy for a weak little girl like me."

Colin allowed himself be led to the back of the SUV, and was presented with a hind quarter of uncut beef. Looking down on it like he'd just discovered a rare art treasure, his hand lovingly caressed the fatty tissues of the side.

"You shouldn't have," was all he could say before the lump in his throat became a vocal obstacle. "I haven't had real beef in ... years," he managed to get out finally.

"I brought a turkey, too," BethAnn added, "as a peace offering. If you can put up with me for that long, I was hoping to cook you up a Christmas dinner, complete with all the trimmings."

They spent the next half hour moving foodstuffs, with the beef side given a place of honour in the shed, suspended from a rafter by one of the many hanging hooks and shielded from stray rodents with an inverted funnel slipped over the hook's shank. By the time they'd finished, even Colin was overdue for a reprieve from their labours.

BethAnn had spotted the mounted head of the albino stag hanging off the cabin wall in a place of honour beside the gun cabinet, and she had stopped in reverence to admire the taxidermist's work. There was a distance-closing silence in the one-room building as memories of previous times came back.

"He looks good up there," she finally broke the silence. "Does he protect the cabin for you?"

"I'm not sure yet," Colin answered her. "I mean, he did let you in here, so maybe I'll have to have a talk with him. He might have to learn how to be more selective," his happy teasing brightening the room.

"I see you got his antler put back on," BethAnn commented. "You even got it at that crazy angle he had. Whoever did the work, did a beautiful job, though. It's almost like I can see life in those eyes. I only saw him close up that one time, when he was ... dying. But I'll never forget those eyes for as long as I live. They were almost piercing that day."

"Yeah, well. He knew the end was close, but I swear that old fart wasn't going to go until he knew we were safe," Colin put his feelings into words.

Now with everything inside, and a lot of it stored, Colin started to head for the kitchen, and the coffee pot, only to be beaten there by BethAnn. She scooped up the pot, then rushed to the sink. Opening the lid, her eyes were greeted to the sight of old grinds that needed to go out to the compost.

"Gawd, don't you ever clean up after yourself?" she lightly teased him. "If I take these out, do you think Rocky will be around to say 'Hi'?"

"He's probably sleeping in this cold, although he might pop up for a bit. But you'll have to bury them deep. They raise hell with his digestive system, and he's already miserable enough," he gave her fair warning. "I'll come out with you."

Sure enough, as soon as he heard the scrape of a shovel, the raccoon was out to investigate. And as usual, Colin spent a few minutes conversing with his little neighbour. Rocky looked on in his usual blank manner, trying to understand what this silly two-legged creature was making all the noise about. When he introduced BethAnn again, the little animal gave her his thorough consideration, yet seemed to reserve his decision over her acceptability in his little world. The levity that Rocky's expressions created were something that Colin needed at that moment, and in an uncharacteristic gesture, he reached out and scratched behind the raccoon's ear. BethAnn gave him a questioning look, almost hoping that she'd be allowed the same privilege. But such was not to be, so she bid the small animal a fond farewell.

They walked past the outhouse, keeping an ear open for Pepé, but there was no sign of the skunk. Resignedly, they continued on to the shed and a daily load of wood.

'I think Frontenac's found himself a girlfriend," he casually remarked as they approached the shed. "Usually, he spends most of his time under the shed floor, but lately he's only there in the mornings. I'm not positive, but I think I spotted some weasel tracks that aren't his out in the small meadow, and what looks like a freshly cleared entrance to a gopher nest. So, with a little luck, we'll have some kits around here, come Spring."

"Do you think he'll introduce us to his new mate?" BethAnn's enthusiasm came out.

"Probably not," he gave his tentative verdict. "Frontenac might be comfortable around people, but his girlfriend isn't, and I doubt she'll let anyone near the nest until about three months after the kits are born. By then, they'll have cleaned all the gophers out of the place and there'll be new tenants moving in. Sure would be nice if they burrowed under the shed, though. That way, I'd never have to worry about mice, voles, or prairie dogs."

"Maybe I'll meet her then?" BethAnn hoped a little more.

"Maybe, but ferrets are strange creatures. She won't go much more than half a mile from the nest, but old Frontenac can range as far as three miles out, looking for other females. Unless they're breeding, the two sexes don't spend a lot of time together."

While they were there, they each loaded up with firewood before returning to the cabin. Leaning it against the mantle after filling the wood box, it was as if Whitey was glaring down and wondering if he should give his approval or not.

They spent the afternoon just talking, remembering that fateful day when Brianna had put her car in the ditch. There were other memories, too, including the first time they'd made love, and of course, the afternoon when Colin's life had been spared by a lone albino stag. But this time they were happy memories. To celebrate BethAnn's return, he went out to the shed and cut off a piece of the beef for roasting. BethAnn took over the kitchen, happy to be in the company of a good friend.

That evening after supper, BethAnn returned the books that Brianna had borrowed, then went through the titles on Colin's shelf, picking out a couple Anne McCaffrey novels to replace the ones she'd brought back. Later, they spent the evening just holding each other, content to be together again. Only when his eyes started to droop did he suggest that they call it a day and head for bed.

"I was almost expecting to see Brianna come with you," he mentioned as they lay curled in each other's arms.

"She's a little jealous," BethAnn explained. "She hasn't got a man in her life right now and thinks she needs one."

"So what does that make me? A Sasquatch, maybe?" Colin asked with a mock tone of hurt.

"You know what I mean!" he was corrected. "Besides, she can't have you, because you're mine."

"I am?" he debated her logic. "The last time I looked, slavery has been abolished. No one ownsanyone. All I want from life is the chance to be my own person. I thought you'd figured that out about me."

"So does that mean you don't really want me here?" BethAnn sounded hurt.

"I never said that," Colin corrected her. "Look, when I saw you in the driveway this afternoon, I was thrilled. And yes, I have missed you. But you're here because you want to be, not because of some kind of duty, or because someone dictates that you have to be. Dad drilled it into my head that if something comes back, it's yours, but that doesn't mean that we own each other. We're here, together, because we choose to be. That might be splitting hairs, but it's how I feel. Can you see that?"

"Maybe," BethAnn, "but it doesn't make how I feel any different. Colin, when I came back up here, a lot of it was to be with you, to share time together, and maybe to be your girl for a while. Was I wrong? Are you saying that what happened last time was just a fling to you?"

"That's crap, and you know it!" his exasperated tone reverberated throughout the room. "What you are, is a woman that shares a part of her life with me, and a part of mine. That means a lot to me, and you do, too. But really, how long have we known each other? Less than a week, in actuality. You were here for five days last time, and since then, you've lived your life where you belong, in the city. Meanwhile, mine's been here and it probably always will be. Do I have the right to tell you that you have to move into the middle of nowhere? No more than you have the right to force me to give up this homestead and live in a city that just feels ... imprisoning. There's room in my little world for you, and there always will be. But we're from different worlds. Uprooting one to please the other just isn't right, which means that neither one owns the other. That's all I'm saying."

BethAnn warned her friend, "I feel like I'm being pushed out of someone's life. Am I?"

"No you're not," Colin addressed her irrationality. "There's room for you, BethAnn, but what you want and what I can give you might not quite line up, that's all. I assumed that you came back to find out what's really here, and who I really am. This isn't one of those fluffy romance stories, it's real life. Let's give ourselves some time to make sure that we're looking at how things are, not how we think they might be. Okay?"

"And it's still okay to share your bed?" she tested the waters.

"Silly question," he murmured in he ear, then kissed her lightly once before going on. "Listen, BethAnn, you're a very pretty woman, and it would be impossible for a guy like me to resist you. But you have to remember that my first love is this land. It's what I know, and defines who I am in a way. So let's just take it slow, see if we fit together, and go from there," he tried to end their discord.

"Not exactly what I'd envisioned this evening to be like," she pouted, "but I guess I have no choice, do I?"

Colin reached out to his lover, pulling her close, then softly nuzzled her ear. At first she resisted his advances, but over the next few minutes, just being with him again was all she wanted to do. In the growing heat of desire, she allowed herself to be drawn into his little world, and a small flicker of warm emotion began to glow inside her. As his lips found hers, they both succumbed to the passions building up inside, and it wasn't long before the familiar sounds of their lovemaking let the rest of the world know that she'd be staying with him for the rest of the night, and for more than just the one, if he'd let her.

A blast of cold air chased across the room and pulled Colin from the warmth of sleep. Instantly, he rose up to search for the source of that chilly intrusion. The sight of BethAnn bundled in a parka, her arms loaded with wood, had him out of bed and rushing to her assistance.

"There should have been enough wood in here for most of the day. Why the early morning trip out to the shed?" he questioned.

"I was awake anyway, and thought I'd do something useful. Besides, I needed some time to think," she explained.

"Think? About what?" he wanted to find out.

BethAnn took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then gave herself a moment to gather her thoughts.

"Colin, how do you really feel about me?"

"You're special, and I care about you, a lot. Why?"

"I don't know if I'm in love with you," she slowly answered, "although if you give me the chance, I will be. But listening to you last night, I thought what I heard was an attempt to avoid making a commitment of any sort. Tell me I'm wrong?"

Colin had to sort out the thoughts in his own mind before he could answer, and the resulting silence left him feeling uncomfortable. In the end, however, he had to admit that BethAnn Walls meant more to him than he'd been aware until now.

"BethAnn," he finally answered her, "there hasn't been anyone in my life like you since my Dad was killed. but it seems to me that the only way we can be around each other is as equals – and at the moment, we aren't. You've got brains, looks, and a level of sophistication that I can barely understand. Yet despite that, you want to jump from being friends into a full-time commitment? All I'm trying to do is slow this down a bit. I can't make that big of a leap all at once. That's not to say that it won't happen, although you have to admit that suddenly finding myself considered to be your man, and you as my woman after such a short period of time, is a little scary."

"So am I wrong? Are you shying away from commitment, or just being cautious?" Brianna tried to get to the truth.

"Cautious, I guess. I mean, I barely know you, and I doubt you know me. I don't want to see you make a mistake and put all your eggs in the wrong basket. I'm also not sure that I'm the man that you need. You could do a lot better than me, and you deserve the best. That's all I'm trying to say," he voiced his opinions.

"From who I see, I could do a lot worse than you, too. You care, and I can see that in the way you act towards me, in the time you take to show me things, in the effort you put into explaining how this lifestyle works. Not many guys that I've ever met would do that. Just don't push me away because you're scared. Sure, there's a chance that someone could get hurt, but there's a better chance that we could find a happiness together that's stronger and more fulfilling than you've ever dreamed possible."