Chapter 5: Lost and Found: Jamie's Diary

We've been friends for a long time and he's such a wonderful listener, and makes me feel so comfortable when we're together. Why he never made a move on me was frustrating. I know I dropped hints. How can somebody who is so observant not see when a woman wants him so much she's nearly throwing herself at him? Damn it, this is getting unbearable. He's not a big man on campus, but he's well known around town. He can't go anywhere without meeting friends, or friendly acquaintances. Hell, once word got around that he was back in Hilo, families he knew as a child started contacting him through his mother. He had no lack of friends. He was, so he told me, a bit surprised by it all. I wasn't, not after what his mother told me.

He's funny, in a twisted way, and makes me laugh out the outrageous things he is known to say and do. Oh my gosh, you should see the reactions of some of the waitresses who have had the ... I guess honor is not appropriate, nor is pleasure much of the time ... opportunity (that works!) to deal with him when he is in one of his playful but twisted moods. It doesn't matter that he's there with me, or others. He will say the damnedest things!

For example, this one time we were at a well-known chain restaurant and we had this cute waitress and he started chatting her up and flirting with her. He was shameless. He asked her all kinds of fairly personal questions. He even had her sit next to him! She actually sat down with him, more than once, because he told her to. He did not ask, he basically gave her a command and she followed his order. I simply could not believe it. Later he asked when was the last time her boyfriend tied her up and spanked her. She told him she didn't have one, that she was "a free agent." If he wanted, I'm positive he could have had her and her number. For all I know he did.

Why couldn't I get him to pay me that kind of attention? Was there something wrong with me? I knew he found me attractive. He's told me so often enough when we've talked. I've also seen the way he looks at me sometimes. Those looks cause me to become aroused like nothing else, and yet, he's never touched me in an "inappropriate" way. And those looks, I just know, are not meant for me to notice, but I do. Oh, do I ever.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a damned pedestal and I hate it. I fucking hate it! I mean, if just having him look at me makes me feel so aroused that my panties are soaked through and through, what would his touch do to me? I almost believe that if he touched me in a sexual way, even kissed me with even a hint of intimacy, I might actually climax on the spot.

I have decided to find out what it would take to get his attention, to make him openly aware of me as a woman who desired him. I mean, he's shameless with other women. He's not shy. We talk about everything. Oh, shit, could that be it? Does he keep his distance because I keep talking to him about my boyfriends? Has he become that mythical guy who is "just friends"? He's capable of it, even if he is aroused by a woman. I've seen it. But, unlike them, I want to be noticed by him. I want him to touch me. And, I can't even explain why I want it ... no, it's not a want. I crave more from him, it's like he's a drug and I'm addicted.

There's something about him. I just know the pieces of the puzzle are all in front of me. So, where and how do I fit in to his life? Not as we are now, but in the way my body craves. I feel like the answer is right there. It's on the tip of my tongue, which I wish were slathering his body, his manhood right now. Oh, fuck ... I'm coming!