Chapter 3: Helpful Help Stuff

"Escort Empire"
(excerpt taken from Time Magazine Aug 16, 2010)

Vatican's Best Escorts plays a vital role in the life and culture of postindustrial free-market economies and provides a stable foundation for emerging Third-World nations to build upon. The company takes a modern, information-based approach to supplying customer demand with goods and services. Organized as a non-profit entity under its parent company, Severe Heavy Industries, VBE seeks to establish a primacy of partnership with host governments, as well as a complementary relationship of mutual benefit with local commerce.

All revenue generated by VBE and its affiliates is reinvested to support existing infrastructure and future expansion. Employees are contracted for a specific period of time and are compensated with private shares in the company. Each share represents a percentage of the company's net worth and employees are paid with dividends calculated over the previous 30 days. There are no publicly held or traded shares and no IPO is anticipated in the foreseeable future. According to published figures, in 2008 the average VBE employee owned 1.316 shares of stock and each share generated an average of $1,329 US dollars per week or about $90,000 annually.

The high wage earning capacity is very much in keeping with the vision of eliminating revenue as the dominant motivating factor in the workplace. "In this business, money is like sunshine," according to VBE's Chief Finance Officer, Tori Sadler. "It'll always be there. The girls don't have to worry about it and they can focus on the more important aspects of their jobs ... We want our employee attention fixed firmly on the customer, not his wallet. We want her to be secure, comfortable, and doing what she loves. Any one of our girls could retire after four or five years and never look back, but they don't do that. We've got the best escorts, the best business model, and the best company because our girls are passionate about their work. They love sex, what else can I say?"

Miss Sadler speaks out of personal experience, having joined VBE as a Teen Escort in 2005. After finishing high school, she took college classes at night and earned her MBA graduating summa cum laude this past May. She only recently took the reigns as CFO, but like all corporate officers, Tori continues to entertain customers.

"We're escorts first and foremost," Roxy Jones, the Vice-President of Human Resources, informs us. "Everyone from Evie on down is encouraged to have a good time and promote our business in the best way possible ... By providing personal service to the customer."

Evie, of course, is the Chief Executive Officer, Evelyn R. Swan. Named to the top ten of 'World's Wealthiest Women' in 2007, she founded VBE in 2003 with nothing but a small apartment, a telephone, and a lot of determination. Born in Buenos Aires, she was sold by her mother into child prostitution at age seven and spent eight years working the brothels and streets of Panama City. "I know what it's like to be a whore," Miss Swan said in a recent interview. "It's not something a person can be proud of, you know? Sex is good and healthy, but what goes on in places like Panama isn't sex, it's rape. I had no control over who fucked me, or when or where or how ... I wanted to fix that."

And fix it Evie has, claiming that half of her employees are former child prostitutes, many of them coming not from the Third World, but from large cities like New York, London, and Moscow. "For every escort position that opens up," Roxy explains, "we get about 400 applicants, mostly from the former Russian states. The economic situation in Eastern Europe is really tough, but the girls we're getting are just amazing." For a lot of those girls, joining VBE is the best thing that could have happened to them.

"I used to do a lot of dog and pony shows," Vanessa, a 13 year old from Moscow, tells us. "I applied twice before I got the job at VBE and it's much better. I still f****the horses, but now I actually get the money afterwards and nobody beats me. I like that."

Vanessa moved into the Moscow Hospice Hotel, a luxury resort with the most unusual amenity - Each room comes with a teenage escort (suites come with two girls, the penthouse with three) and surprisingly enough, the hotel rates are comparable to other high-end hotels in the city. Girls like Vanessa live at the Hospice, they attend school, receive medical care, and of course, they work.

"Nothing in life is free," Tori says with a smile. "We're not here to pamper children; we're teaching them everything from speaking a foreign language, to proper fellatio and cunnilingus technique, to the niceties of social etiquette. The Hospice is a private school, think of it that way, and one that benefits the girl, the company, and society as a whole."

(More of this article can be found in the Public Relations Archives.)

VBE Online! Work From Your Home!
A True Story:

After I had Casey, my world became that of a boring, single mother. I took care of my baby, collected welfare, and watched Oprah. Needless to say, my social life was non-existent. On those rare occasions when I was able to meet a man and bring him home for a little fun, it never worked out. For some reason, most guys just don't seem interested in having sex while my toddler is watching us from her crib.

I tried everything too! I'd never been much for oral sex, but I'd go down on a guy for hours if it would keep him interested. I even resorted to anal sex and gave my virgin backdoor to the landlord for a break on my rent. He wanted me to try "Ass-to-Mouth" and I hate to admit that I didn't refuse his perverted request. I cleaned my asshole off his dick while Casey giggled. It really was the lowest point in my life and the bastard only knocked off a hundred bucks!

Luckily, I discovered that I could have all the sex I wanted over the internet and get paid real money doing it. Vatican's Best Escorts really saved my butt! They connect me with lonely men from all over the world via webcam and I've been having a great time! I've always enjoyed masturbation and the unexpected thrill of performing for strangers is like nothing I could have imagined. I'm making over $1,000 a week jilling off and I'm happy to say I've met a very nice man from Pakistan who doesn't mind if Casey watches our long-distance fun. I think we could really get serious in the future.

And now, when my landlord offers to "help me out" in return for licking the shit off his dick, I tell him exactly where he can shove it! I'm a liberated woman! Thanks, VBE

~ Sharon Roberts
Schenectady N.Y.

Contact your local VBE Human Resources Office
We Can Change Your Life!

A Personal Message From Evie...

Hello and Welcome to Vatican's Best Escorts! On behalf of myself and the VBE family, I'd like to extend to you my heartfelt thanks for making us the #1 Personal Service Provider in the world.

As a young girl, I grew up in the slums of Panama City, earning barely enough money to survive. I couldn't have imagined that one day I'd be able to ensure the security and prosperity of so many others, offering a path to success that I never had. Crafting this organization and watching it flourish has been literally a dream come true.

More than merely providing generous men and women with companionship, VBE is dedicated the principle that prostitution is a healthy, natural, and fulfilling opportunity to improve society. Through the implementation of programs like Hospice and Escort Academy, we instill in our younger sisters the self-esteem, motivation, and unique skills which allows them to succeed beyond their wildest expectations.

As we mark our 6th year of business, the future looks brighter than ever. With over 500 escorts representing VBE in 87 nations, we are the undisputed world leader in the personal service industry. Our first post-graduate school, Mary Magdalene University will open this coming June and graduate its inaugural class in the spring of 2013. Those few, select women will carry forward the Sexual Jihad and reshape our future forever.

We couldn't do it without you, our valued customers, and once again I thank you and wish you all the best.

~ Evie

Escort Angels
VBE/SU-37F Debut at the Paris Airshow

In January 2010 Vatican's Best Escorts announced the purchase of twelve Russian-made SU-37 military aircraft. The terms of the sale were not disclosed, but sources inside the Russian Defense Ministry confirm that the nation will provide technical support and maintenance training to VBE personnel over the next 24-36 months.

The SU-37F variant is a multi-role platform, according to manufacturer Sukhoi, capable of supporting combat operations as an air superiority fighter or a stand-off ground attack bomber.

It is unclear exactly where VBE intends to base the squadron, but for the moment the Brazilian government has agreed publicly to allow the aircraft freedom of airspace over the country for maintenance and training purposes.

When asked about the position of the United States concerning the purchase of military hardware by a privately owned company, President Obama declined to comment.

The Sexual Jihad

We believe that a woman's body is her own regardless of circumstance; that her sexuality is a gift bearing obligation to be shared in a climate of mutual respect and consensual passion. Vatican's Best Escorts and its employees are dedicated to a Faith in the Holy Trinity of Incorruptible Spirit, Immaculate Flesh, and Benevolent Will of the Eternal Goddess Universe who has created us...

In obedience to our single Heart and Mind, the VBE Sisterhood will act upon society as a positive influence to encourage sexual evolution, promote sexual education, and foster a Golden Age of Sexual Reason. We will meet suspicion with trust, anger with love, and apathy with lust until every woman is free of sexual prejudice and every man removed from the fear which preys upon his natural insecurity.

We take upon ourselves this Divine Quest gladly and without reservation. We will not rest until every godless heathen, skeptic, and infidel is converted to Our Just and Holy Cause. We will prostitute ourselves and each other for the common good; share our wives with neighbors, daughters with fathers, and sisters with brothers. We shall make a Virtue of Sin, turn Shame into Pride, and clothe our Guilt in the Innocence of Pleasure until none but ourselves remain.

Sex Teacher Sentenced

A female teaching assistant who had sex with two male pupils has been named "Teacher of the Year" by consulting firm Social Paradigm LTD. The prominent research & development firm is a significant presence in many American and European educational systems. The announcement was made to reflect public support and the impact of the case on social reform.

Pina Hatel, 22, was supposed to be supervising the "disruptive" 15-year-olds but she quickly started flirting with them, Liverpool Crown Court was told.

Hatel, a part time escort for Vatican's Best Escorts, works during the day as a classroom assistant and swimming teacher at Birkdale High School near Southport, Merseyside. Shortly after taking the position, the young woman invited two of the teenagers to her home after school one day.

There she had sex with one boy then the other just a few hours later.

Hatel, a resident of Hightown, Southport, removed her blouse at one point during her testimony, saying "I have nothing to hide." She has admitted to 17 counts of sexual activity with a minor at North Sefton Magistrates' Court last month, but contested that she acted out of interest for the welfare of her students. The charges include multiple counts of fellatio, cunnilingus, analingus, sodomy, and sexual intercourse.

During the court examination, Martin Decker, prosecuting, said the unmarried Hatel was employed to provide support and supervision for pupils who had been disruptive in class. As a professional escort, she specializes in BDSM and corporal punishment for her submissive clients. It was not fully expected that the woman would become intimate with her students.

Mr Decker said that was how she came to meet the two boys in February this year and during a one-on-one supervision she exchanged mobile phone numbers with them. Hatel also provided each of the boys with several pornographic snapshots of herself and suggested they use them for masturbatory purposes.

Describing an exchange of text messages between Hatel and one of the boys, Mr Decker said: "Initially she was being friendly and saying he was a 'good lad' but after about four days the content became sexual."

At the same time the other boy was also exchanging text messages with the teacher, Mr Decker said.